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Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:49 AM, August 07, 2014
Scores
Beware Our Pelvic Sorcery 81

Screwed Without Alexis 74

Seattle Sausagefest 73

The Green Machine 66

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

It’s been such a nice, sun-shiny week here in Seattle that I thought I’d write a little bit about the pedestrianly journey I take every Wednesday to Ozzie’s. And by sun-shiny, I mean I’m sweating like a rattlesnake at a Thai wedding by the time I get to the bar.

There are two things that get me going for quiz: I pass a little coffee shop that closes around 5:00. By the time I get there, the patio furniture is always chained up and stacked neatly, and there’s always a bagel or some sort of baked good wrapped in plastic and sitting on a table, ready for a hungry person to grab and enjoy. That warms my cockles. All right, now I feel like Garrison Keillor, so let’s move on.

The other thing I pass is an office space that’s available for rent with a realtor’s ad in the window. I usually don’t wish misfortune upon others (not out loud, anyway), but I hope this place never gets sold. And the only reason is that I never want to stop seeing this guy’s face:

                        

 The More We Know:

  • Michael Crichton is an MD, that’s why all of that “Jurassic Park” stuff is so accurate. MD stands for Master of Dinos, right?
  • The Westboro Baptist Church does vengeful God parodies of pop songs. I never heard any of them before tonight, but now I won’t be able to hear “Philadelphia Freedom” without wanting to sing “God hates YOU!”
  • And for quizzers who were wondering: Candlepin bowling is regional to Canadian Maritime provinces and New England. And yes, they look weird.

Best Worst Answers:

  • There was one team that thought that regional form of bowling with cylindrical pins was Plinko. You guys are Bob Barking up the wrong tree. (Yes, I get paid for this)
  • Another team thought that Sylvester Stallone and Tim Curry starred in “Scarface”. I’m embarrassed by how much I would pay to see that happen.
  • I ask what bone the “big hole” is on and almost everyone writes down pelvis. Guys, get your minds and your candlepins out of the gutter.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Beware Our Pelvic Sorcery – I totally called this team having a “Guardians of the Galaxy” name this week, but I absolutely can’t fault them for it.
  • Seattle Sausagefest – If anyone has any more information for when this is happening, please let me know. It sounds delicious.
  • The Green Machine – They were a new team, and I probably shouldn’t do this, but: Did you guys choose this name because you’re green with envy of the other teams’ scores? (I’m so sorry)

 

 

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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Comment Now
12:12 AM, July 31, 2014
Scores
Chris' Perky Pepperoni Nipples 78

Bad News Beers: Tokyo Draft 76

Assholes & Allies 75

Geeks Who Smoke Weed! 75

Slackey's 62

Jared


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

We’re coming up on one year of me being quizmaster at Ozzie’s and here’s my relationship with my quizzers: I walk to catch up with one on the street and he thinks I’m a pervert assailant sneaking up on him. Another one spots me in the store, gives me a little “psssst,” and I think I’m the one being assaulted.

But, on the bus home, I ran into a guy who was blocking the entire aisle because he was picking up the weed he spilled. So, I guess it could be worse…

We had a new competition for the third place tie-breaker tonight. You’ve seen the dance-off, the air-guitar-off, and the joke-off. Well, prepare for the pick-up-line-off, because it’s probably the first and last time you’re going to see it. Why? The two competitors froze up like they were actually talking to a potential date!

What We Learned Tonight:

  • There are quizzers that get angry when I ask questions about the bible. Oh, I’m sorry…that you’re going to burn for eternity.
  • They call it “invisible death” because old people in hospitals disappear like Jedi when they die.
  • “Precious” is based on the novel “Push” by Sapphire.

Best Worst Answers:

  • Putting down “Lazaruth” means that one team mixed up Lazarus and Nazareth or they have a really bad lisp.

And that’s pretty much it. Dammit, be stupider!

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Geeks Who Smoke Weed! – It doesn’t rhyme and the exclamation mark has me dubious…
  • Chris’ Perky Pepperoni Nipples – It’s not delivery
  • Bad News Beers: Tokyo Draft – Wordplay is the only joy I find in this world  
Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:26 AM, July 24, 2014
Scores
Alex's Dumb Face is Dumb 77

The Golden Lions 68

Bad News Beers III: Revenge of the Beers 66

Alcohol & Oates 61

Optimus Prime Directive 60

Equipo de Suñeo 55

John & Tomi 50

Los Triviokies 47

Jared


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

I hear that the song in the National Air Guitar Championships that everyone competes to is “Smoke on the Water”. This was the inspiration behind tonight’s Air Guitar Off for third place winner. And while the NAGC has official juding rules, the only rule for winning at Ozzie’s is who gets the most applause, à la a dance contest at The Max.

So tonight, Alex’s Dumb Face is Dumb were the first place winners. However, because they had eight on their team, they were ineligible for the first place gift certificate. So that bumped everyone else a spot, including the fourth place tiers Optimus Prime Directive and Alcohol & Oates. Facing off, both air guitar representatives had sunglasses and attitude, but it was Sarah from Alcohol & Oates that won over the very stern and very drunk audience at Ozzie’s. However, both teams were lucky, because next time it’s going to be a Cannibal Corpse dance-off.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Many teams don’t realize that "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" came before "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes". That’s because many teams don’t RISE before DAWN! Mom thought that one was gangbusters.
  • Bill Clinton had two pets while in office, Socks the cat and Buddy the dog, but only one of them had an SNES game.

What We Learned Last Week But I Forgot To Mention:

  • One of our bartenders actually punched out Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Champion Joey Chestnut a couple of years back because he called an Ozzie’s waitress the cunt-word. You know, there was a time when being the hot dog champ meant something…

Best Worst Answers:

  • When asked what movie was in the top spot at the box office this past weekend, one team wrote “Planes 2: Fire & Rescue”, which makes me laugh like a lunatic. I think it’s the fact that they wrote out the entire title.
  • When asked what T.V. show blew up the town of Walnut Grove…listen, I know Archie Bunker is an angry dude, but it wasn’t “All in the Family”.
  • And when asked the names of the Clintons’ family pets, “Monica” is the obvious joke answer, but the team that wrote down “Al Gore”…you’re making my dreams come true.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Alcohol & Oates – Let’s save the best for first.
  • Los Triviokes – Combining the two best things on Earth and sounding like a Mexican/Russian fusion dish is an admirable feat.
  • Bad News Beers III: Revenge of the Beers – This team is really hanging in there with the name and subtitles. I can’t wait until they get to Leonard Part Six.
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