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Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:19 AM, June 12, 2014
Scores
John Snow Knows How NOT To Die 77

Nicci's 21st Birthday 72

Sun Doggies 67

World Cup My Balls 60

We Thought Woolie Mammoths Were Extinct 34

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

I’ve never felt more passionate than I did tonight. Gay marriage, racial profiling, and net neutrality don’t faze me one bit.

After tonight’s rounds on poop song parodies and farts, I’m going to write my congressman and demand that 13-year-olds be allowed into bars. My pre-teen cousin Mason is the only one who can appreciate the scatological humor I’m spewing forth from the stage.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • When I ask which eating disorder falls between eating ice or eating hair, chomping on your mane is still going to give away your answer to your enemies. Sorry.
  • Every pre-"Chronic 2001" track by Dr. Dre sounds the same. Deal with it.
  • The average person farts 20 times a day. The sweet smell of validation.

Best Worst Answers:

  • I’m not saying writing down “Catfish” instead of the correct Halle Berry movie “Swordfish” makes you racist, but….it makes you racist.
  • Confusing the “Homies” figurines with the “Bratz” dolls is…well…you’ve got a point there.
  • I’m not saying that writing down “Isaac Hayes” as the UN Secretary-General instead of Kofi Annan is racist, but…oh wait, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • World Cup My Balls – In a night fraught with sophomoric humor, this team was almost subtle.
  • Nicci’s 21st Birthday – This team was lying. Nicci looked at least 21 and a half.
  • We Thought Woolie Mammoths Were Extinct – Guess what. If you don’t know how to spell Woolley Mammoth, I’m going to say “Wookie Mammoth” out of spite. Same goes if you leave halfway through the quiz. Run home, you Goddamn babies. 
Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:34 AM, June 05, 2014
Scores
Old Man Coughing Noises 84

Shut Your (cup)Cake Hole! 79

Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Dear Carmen, Happy Birthday to You, Cha Cha Cha 69

Days in a Daze 42

Dan 19

Jared


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

There are so many things to love about quiz. The players, the atmosphere, the questions, the humor, the sexy host…I could go on and on. I love all of those things too. But there’s one thing I love above all else. One thing that keeps me coming back week after week. That’s when a new team shows up and thinks that it’s customary to tip the quizmaster. No matter who wins, you guys are the true champions! I thank you, and my wallet thanks you.

Now, let’s move along.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • The Motion Picture Association of America will, when necessary, use the term “boob” to object to a perfectly natural piece of female anatomy.
  • There are so few people that know that “Boy Meets World” is getting a spin-off series. And even fewer people that know that ABC is owned by Disney. And fewer still that know that Mickey Mouse is head of the Illuminati. Look it up.
  • And for Sarah: the martial art that translates to “white eyebrow” is known as Bak Mei.

Best Worst Answers:

  • To the team that wrote down “The Blair Witch Project” instead of “Paranormal Activity”, you’re not right, yet you’re not exactly wrong…
  • But then you had to go and write down “Transformers” when the clip was from “Back to the Future III”. That I cannot forgive.
  • And then there’s the team that said “John Favre” starred in “Swingers”. Which is wrong, but that gentleman has been seen via text in Wranglers. Green Bay quarterback dick pic jokes are still funny, right?

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Shut Your (cup)Cake Hole! – Which one does the cupcake go in again?
  • Old Man Coughing Noises – Apparently I was supposed to make these noises, but I kind of like just saying it as is to confuse and upset people.
  • Dan – Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.

 

Happy June, bugs! 

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:21 AM, May 29, 2014
Scores
Selfie's Choice 87

Today Heaven Gained an Angelou 75

50 Cent Thows Like a Girl 66

Neko Case & The Pussy Shavers 65

Go Wildcats Go! 33

Jared


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Take a look at the pictures to your left. There’s a particularly rude one I want you to see. Wait a moment…there it is. What causes a team to spout this kind of vitriol? For the answer, I’ll turn to a quote from Dr. Fronk-en-steen:

“People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because... they. Are. Jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you want to talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal?! You are a God. And listen to me, you are not evil. You... are... good.

This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire!”

So teams, please let this dialogue be an inspiration to you, and not just a clear indication that I have no clue what to write about.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Everyone learned that the Louisiana Purchase cost more than the Alaska Purchase. Bigger isn’t always more valuable. I have a sign above my bed stating as such.
  • Pediatricians supposedly wear bow ties. Which explains how C. Everett Koop got all those kids hooked on cigarettes in the ‘80s.
  • Sonic’s friend, Knuckles, was actually based on a real animal, known as an echidna. Tails: still fictional.

Best Worst Answers:

  • One team confused “The Pianist”, in which Adrian Brody gets his family torn away from him as he’s hunted by Nazis, with “The Soloist”, in which Robert Downy Jr. gets his spirits lifted by a homeless, would-suck-dick-for-an-Oscar Jamie Foxx.
  • I counted every team wrong because they wrote down “Basketball” for that Matt Stone and Trey Parker movie, instead of the correct “BASEketball”.
  • I can only assume that one team was trying to get in my good graces by writing “The Jared Duncan Experience” as an answer. Still, very creepy to read.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Today Heaven Gained An Angelou
  • 50 Cent Throws Like A Girl
  • Selfie’s Choice

Shameless bragging: I came up with that last one.

Have a fantastic week!

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