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Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:34 AM, June 05, 2014
Scores
Old Man Coughing Noises 84

Shut Your (cup)Cake Hole! 79

Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Dear Carmen, Happy Birthday to You, Cha Cha Cha 69

Days in a Daze 42

Dan 19

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

There are so many things to love about quiz. The players, the atmosphere, the questions, the humor, the sexy host…I could go on and on. I love all of those things too. But there’s one thing I love above all else. One thing that keeps me coming back week after week. That’s when a new team shows up and thinks that it’s customary to tip the quizmaster. No matter who wins, you guys are the true champions! I thank you, and my wallet thanks you.

Now, let’s move along.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • The Motion Picture Association of America will, when necessary, use the term “boob” to object to a perfectly natural piece of female anatomy.
  • There are so few people that know that “Boy Meets World” is getting a spin-off series. And even fewer people that know that ABC is owned by Disney. And fewer still that know that Mickey Mouse is head of the Illuminati. Look it up.
  • And for Sarah: the martial art that translates to “white eyebrow” is known as Bak Mei.

Best Worst Answers:

  • To the team that wrote down “The Blair Witch Project” instead of “Paranormal Activity”, you’re not right, yet you’re not exactly wrong…
  • But then you had to go and write down “Transformers” when the clip was from “Back to the Future III”. That I cannot forgive.
  • And then there’s the team that said “John Favre” starred in “Swingers”. Which is wrong, but that gentleman has been seen via text in Wranglers. Green Bay quarterback dick pic jokes are still funny, right?

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Shut Your (cup)Cake Hole! – Which one does the cupcake go in again?
  • Old Man Coughing Noises – Apparently I was supposed to make these noises, but I kind of like just saying it as is to confuse and upset people.
  • Dan – Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.

 

Happy June, bugs! 

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:21 AM, May 29, 2014
Scores
Selfie's Choice 87

Today Heaven Gained an Angelou 75

50 Cent Thows Like a Girl 66

Neko Case & The Pussy Shavers 65

Go Wildcats Go! 33

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Take a look at the pictures to your left. There’s a particularly rude one I want you to see. Wait a moment…there it is. What causes a team to spout this kind of vitriol? For the answer, I’ll turn to a quote from Dr. Fronk-en-steen:

“People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because... they. Are. Jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you want to talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal?! You are a God. And listen to me, you are not evil. You... are... good.

This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire!”

So teams, please let this dialogue be an inspiration to you, and not just a clear indication that I have no clue what to write about.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Everyone learned that the Louisiana Purchase cost more than the Alaska Purchase. Bigger isn’t always more valuable. I have a sign above my bed stating as such.
  • Pediatricians supposedly wear bow ties. Which explains how C. Everett Koop got all those kids hooked on cigarettes in the ‘80s.
  • Sonic’s friend, Knuckles, was actually based on a real animal, known as an echidna. Tails: still fictional.

Best Worst Answers:

  • One team confused “The Pianist”, in which Adrian Brody gets his family torn away from him as he’s hunted by Nazis, with “The Soloist”, in which Robert Downy Jr. gets his spirits lifted by a homeless, would-suck-dick-for-an-Oscar Jamie Foxx.
  • I counted every team wrong because they wrote down “Basketball” for that Matt Stone and Trey Parker movie, instead of the correct “BASEketball”.
  • I can only assume that one team was trying to get in my good graces by writing “The Jared Duncan Experience” as an answer. Still, very creepy to read.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Today Heaven Gained An Angelou
  • 50 Cent Throws Like A Girl
  • Selfie’s Choice

Shameless bragging: I came up with that last one.

Have a fantastic week!

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:50 AM, May 22, 2014
Scores
The Ammosexuals 81

Leeloominai Lekatariba Lamina-Tchai Ekuat De Sebat 76

Godzilla Can Smash My Box Office Any Day! 72

The Fig Lebowski 68

The Fracking Freegans 58

Gruesome Foursome 54

Jared


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Back in 1997, I was in seventh grade and the two things I loved more than anything else in the world were 1. Not talking to girls I liked and 2. Science-fiction. So when “The Fifth Element” came out that year, I was absolutely elated. It was science-fiction, action, comedy, and romance all in one perfect package. Plus, there were out-of-focus boobs in it! That may not seem like a big deal, but to a 13-year-old boy in the dial-up days, it was huge.

The more people I talk to, the more I realize how big and loyal the movie’s fan-base is. But there was one team tonight that attempted to ruin it for me. If I was anyone else in the room, I would’ve found the name Leeloominai Lekatariba Lamina-Tchai Ekuat De Sebat to be charming and fun. But guess what, people. I have to write and read these names aloud at least three times through the night. I’m scarred. And only one thing can bring me back from the brink. Well, two things: Milla Jovovich’s bare chest and Bruce Willis’ hairline.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Name a Swedish sports superstar and people are automatically going to assume she plays tennis. Yours truly included.
  • No one remembers Morris Day and the Time. I’m pretty sure Prince doesn’t even remember them….
  • Mis-pronunciation of Mufasa’s name will inspire white-hot Disney rage in people under 30. Long live the king, I guess.

Best Worst Answers:

  • When you don’t know the name of a Michael Jackson song, just go with “I’m Still Black”. I mean, that joke was barely funny in 1991, why wouldn’t it be funny now?
  • More movie madness: One team confused “Zodiac” with “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”. Do I need to say anything else?
  • The Ambiguously Gay Duo didn’t fly around in an SR-71, but the fact that a team took the time to write that down makes me want to weep with joy.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Godzilla Can Smash My Box Office Any Day – WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSKREEEEONK!
  • Gruesome Foursome – Not trying to be clever, just having fun. Also, I may have had a gruesome foursome last weekend.
  • The Fracking Freegans – Making two allusions to round one. Masterful work.

Be excellent to each other!

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