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Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
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12:38 PM, November 14, 2012
Scores
Queen Margre the 2nd is Not Amused 78

General Betrayus 77

Once You Go Black? 59

Betrayus Petraeus 58

We Missed Rush For This? 58

Sligo 49

Sue-El and Ker Bear 43

Costello N Costello 39

Potato Skins 30

Holland the Boy Wonder


Web

Quiz Schedule
Tacoma Cabana: Tuesdays at 8pm
Holland (Holland the Boy Wonder)

Many people describe me as "the most important person in the world."  Looking at the facts, it's basically true.

If I could only play one video game for the rest of my life I would choose Mega Man 3.  if I could be any animal I would be Gamera.  My favorite color is menstrual blood.

Man, we had TWO different team names dogging on Petraeus last night: General Betrayus and Petraeus Betrayus.  You guys make it sound like he sold national secrets to the highest pussy.  Maybe I'm just more of a traditional bloke, but I remember a time when it was expected of men to step out on their wives, and women were held to rigid, highly unfair double standards.  Those were the days...

I’m not the best speller in the world, so I’m usually lenient on answers unless the question specifically asks for accurate spelling.  As long as I can sound out the attempted answer, I let it slide.  That said, one of our teams was really spreading the icing on the shit cake last night with some of their fantastically misspelled answers.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Brack Obama (Barack Obama)

Quboc Gooding Jr. (Cuba Gooding Jr)

Black Sabat (Black Sabbath)

Ronald Raygon (Ronald Reagan)

Those perked me up and made my evening a little better.  Thanks, team.

We also had some great answers for the question “George W. Bush lost consciousness in 2002 when he choked on what snack food while watching a football game?”  Some of the better answers were “goldfish,” “cock,” “my cock,” “my dick,” “hot jizz,” and “Cheney’s broken, bent dick.”  Keep it classy, 2-5-3.

We had a mellow-yellow night last night, which was actually a nice change of pace.  I didn’t have to get unnecessarily upset at anything, and nobody went home crying.  In my line of work, you call that a good day.

Congrats on the narrow win to Queen Margre the 2nd is Not Amused, my favorite team name by far for undisclosed reasons.

Thanks to everyone that joined us last night for the quiz.  You are all beautiful human beings.  Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “You’re the choad.

Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
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2:02 PM, November 07, 2012
Scores
Trouser Snake in the Grass 73

It's One Guy Controlling Both Puppets 64

Cthulu 2012: Why Vote For a Lesser Evil? 56

Smoking with the T.P.D. 44

The Drinking Team with a Trivia Problem 40

Team Mittens 38

T&A 24

Holland the Boy Wonder


Web

Quiz Schedule
Tacoma Cabana: Tuesdays at 8pm
Holland (Holland the Boy Wonder)

Many people describe me as "the most important person in the world."  Looking at the facts, it's basically true.

If I could only play one video game for the rest of my life I would choose Mega Man 3.  if I could be any animal I would be Gamera.  My favorite color is menstrual blood.

Fact: Everything, bad or good, happens for a reason.

Fact: Most things (such as celebrity deaths) happen in threes.

I know most of you missed it because it kind of went under the social radar, but we had an election last night.  I try not to talk politics (for reasons I will make clear in my next point), but I have to say this election gave me more hope for our fucked nation than any other election in past memory.  One of the key points I liked was that marijuana was legalized in Washington State (warning: don't click that link if you are at work or you respect your brain cells).

Now I don’t care if you love weed or hate weed or you smoke it or don’t smoke it.  Don’t give two shits about that.  The fact stands that a war on drugs, specifically a war on marijuana, would never be won.  The government might as well have been smoking all that money they were spending on trying to stamp it out.  It’s an impossible war.  Finally though, someone opened up their head-assholes (ie their ears) and paid attention to Bill Hicks and George Carlin (sorry, I couldn't find a Youtube video of it) and said, “Hey, marijuana is never going to go away.  How about, instead of fighting it, we regulate it, tax the hell out of it, and actually make some money off this abundant cash crop?”  That, my friends, is called forward thinking, and that will slowly get us step-by-step out of the pit that is modern ‘Murca.

Second instance: Our second place team had my favorite name of the night, It's One Guy Controlling Both Puppets.  That’s a SECOND reference to Bill Hicks, and one I hold very dear.  I’m going to skip the eighteen pages I could type about it and just say “watch this clip and this clip.”  It says everything I need to on the subject.

Finally, and this has nothing to do directly with the quiz, I received this little gem in my email yesterday.  There you go.  Bill Hicks reference #3.  Last one turn out the lights on your way out.

Today’s the first day of a potentially new future for America (to the extent at which the powers that be allow us to feel free).  Use that to your advantage.  I don’t know where you are in the world reading this (I’ve heard the BEST QUIZ VENUE 2012 has blog readers from all over the world), but if you’re in Tacoma like me you can see it is a beautiful sunny day.  Get out there and show the world what-for.  Plant a tree.  Kiss a pretty girl (and if you’re a girl, take pictures of it and send them to me).  Write a song.  Cannonball off a (small) bridge (into water).  Live your life in a positive, constructive way that celebrates the glimmer of hope and potential we’ve been awarded by working together on this earth.

Jesus, apparently that Mister Rogers/Bob Ross enema I got is working wonders for my attitude (or maybe it’s all the legal weed I can smoke now 420 GANJA SPLIFFMASTER GREENJEANS).  Either way, thanks to everyone who came out to the quiz last night, and congrats to Trouser Snake in the Grass on the win.  You are all awesome people and I couldn’t be happier that I get to see you all each and every week.  Until next time, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “It's time to party”.

Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
View All Posts
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2:46 PM, October 31, 2012
Scores
7 Days and Counting 84

How the Fuck Couldn't The Abominable Snowman Win? 79

Soviet Suck-Offs 77

Nothing Blows Harder Than a Girl Named Sandy 63

Bitches Ain't Shit (But Hoes and Tricks) 57

If Sandy Was Always This Wet, Grease Would Have Been a Better Movie 40

Travis Number 4 39

Emanuel Steward Please K.O. Jesus 29

I Locked My Keys in my Car at Planned Parenthood but Was Too Embarrassed to Ask For a Coat Hanger 29

Mike Oxbig 9

Holland the Boy Wonder


Web

Quiz Schedule
Tacoma Cabana: Tuesdays at 8pm
Holland (Holland the Boy Wonder)

Many people describe me as "the most important person in the world."  Looking at the facts, it's basically true.

If I could only play one video game for the rest of my life I would choose Mega Man 3.  if I could be any animal I would be Gamera.  My favorite color is menstrual blood.

Wooooooaaaaah!  Sorry I had to spook you right off the bat like that.

How do I even describe the Halloween quiz last night?  I don’t think a word exists in the English language that can singularly capture its essence.  If I had to break it down, it would be 50% “extremely satisfied” and 50% “engorged with blood.”  Maybe I’ll think up an accurate word later on.

I love Halloween.  I love everything about it.  Horror movies, scary games, ghost stories, trick-or-treating, costumes, Wiccan harvest festivals, all of it.  In fact, it’s the only holiday I like.  Fuck Christmas, fuck Thanksgiving (well, half-fuck), fuck my birthday, and triple fuck New Years.  Halloween is the one night of the year where everything I love and everything that defined my childhood comes together in one perfect amalgamation of goodness.  The perfect spook storm.

As BEST QUIZ VENUE IN THE NATION 2012, it’s our duty to properly represent the best holiday in the world.  So you know we had to bring back the costume contest.  I was very pleased with the level of costume participation, especially considering last year’s contest consisted of Chitoris and the slughead that would eventually become our lovable Scoretron.  Our categories this year were:

• Sexiest costume (male or female)

AWARD: A copy of 300 on DVD (because let’s face it, that is boner jams 2012 right there.  Best Clint Howard movie EVER)

• Most disturbing costume (either gore-wise or just plain unsettling)

AWARD: A copy of It on DVD (no explanation needed)

• Most impressive costume (based on creativity or technical skill)

AWARD: A copy of Serenity on DVD (Because the Firefly universe is awesome and Joss Whedon’s work is never anything short of impressive)

• Staff Pick (one personal favorite chosen by myself and Scoretron)

AWARD: A package of little rubber zombie dudes

The hardest award (huh huh) was the sexiest costume award.  After much deliberation, we ended up giving it to Wonder Woman.

Why did she win?  I’m not sure.  There was something about her costume that stuck out, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

Oh well, I’m sure it was nothing.  Moving on…

Our most disturbing costume was no contest at all.  Bordering on maniacal, our beloved Rory saved his high school track uniform for twenty-seven years just to wear it to our quiz.  And let me tell you, I still see his little shorts every time I close my eyes.  Goddamn you, Rory.  Goddamn you.

Before I explain the costume that won most impressive, I want you to look at it.

Look at this at think, “What could Holland and Scoretron be all full shaft about regarding this costume?”

You ready for it?

Motherfucker MADE THIS COSTUME.  MADE IT.  BY HAND.  THE WHOLE FUCKING THING.

Award show’s over.  Goodnight folks.  Last one out turn off the lights.

Seriously, that impressed the hell out of me.  As someone who still has to mail clothing to his mother in a different state to get her to sew patches on stuff, I cannot even fathom the time, effort, and skill it must have taken to do this.  A+++.  I wish I could have given you TEN copies of Serenity.

That left us with just the staff picks left to go.  Anyone who knows me knows that I frequently express the universal truth that Breaking Bad is the best tv show to ever grace the boob tube (did someone say boobs?).  That said, it is no surprise that my choice went to Hector Salamanca.

It's just...beautiful.

What WAS surprising was that Scoretron did not pick the person wearing his face like a Team Fortress 2 Spy.  However, the lovely ladies that dressed up as Ice-T and Coco were no less glorious, and they ended up winning his heart and soul (I sold his soul to them).

Well dones, ladies.  Take 'em to Ryker's.

It truly was difficult to pick out best costumes last night.  Go look at the photos on the left and see for yourself.  I was very impressed with everyone's outfits.  How about a nice internet round of applause for you all?  You deserve it.

Clap-Clap-Clap.com.

Beyond the contest, we had a damn eventful night!  The quiz itself was solid as a rock, we had a nice turnout, all the nice new people came back like I wanted (and brought friends!).  I had nothing to complain about (besides George Lucas selling off my childhood memories for a quick buck ‘cause he’s certainly not rich enough already, you heartless fucker George eat all the dicks and rot in hell).

Whew.  Better re-center myself before I lose my shit.

Ahh, there we go.

Boobs are great, aren’t they?  Seriously, name one thing better than boobs.  PROTIP: You can’t.  Game over.

In a sad turn of events, we did have one of our teams get picked up by the police mid-quiz.  I’m not sure of the details and I wasn’t able to take a good picture (5-0 ALWAYS KEEPING ME DOWN), so I’m going to assume they stole a cop car.  It’s the only logical assumption.  I’m sure we’ll see them next week and get the full details.

Now where was I?

How did that get there…

I was a little surprised how low the scores were overall.  I didn’t think the quiz material was THAT tough.  But there you have it.  It was a pretty close night but our political team 7 Days and Counting took the gold (by the way, totally thought that was a reference to The Ring before I saw whose team it was).  I can’t say I’m not surprised.  Those folks have been on kill mode for the past two months.  It’s like putting Elmer Dinkley in a fight with the main guy from Doom (the game, not the movie fuck you) after he’s picked up the adrenaline power-up.

Yeah, I went there.  Do something.  IDDQD.

Thank you to everyone that came out last night and indulged in our creamy goodness.  Have a safe but fun Halloween tonight.  Maybe stay inside, watch some Cabinet of Dr. Caligari or the surviving stills from London After Midnight.  Me?  I’m going to watch all four years of Cinemassacre’s Monster Madness and then maybe play some Silent Hill.  Monster Madness is fantastic and recommended to everyone that loves horror movies.  I seriously look forward to it all year long.

Kisses and hugs to all you boils and ghouls.  Until next week, this is Holland the Skeleton saying, “You wanna see something scary?

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