Ah, yes, while most of you gave up on the Lucky Charms question, This is Walter Cronkite, Reporting on Walter Cronkite’s Death got creative. Partially dehydrogenated joy sounds so delish. They were on a roll last night. I can see how you could confuse “Melrose Place”and “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”. Happens all the time.

Check out the bunny orgy team Triad created on their answer sheet:

Then, I got this exquisite doodle from the guy from team Ensign Cameltoe:

Enemy Mine. What a glorious flick.

Amber, our lovely bartender, made me a bubblegum vodka and soda last night. I know what you’re thinking.. bubblegum vodka… gross. Well, you are close. It wasn’t half bad until the aftertaste kicked in. It was like I had just chewed some hubba bubba and it had lost all of the flavor, except for that nasty, rubbery taste that is left.

Here we have Richard, of Short Bus concentrating on Round 7:

No random drunks outside my window last night, dammit! Oh, but there were some at the bar. They got into a very heated discussion about the people who shop at Whole Foods. It is so interesting to listen to drunks argue over such random things.

Thanks to Heather for helping me score!

Gingerballs. Third.

Ensign Cameltoe. Second.

Triad. First.

Scores

Triad                                                        77
Ensign Cameltoe                                              75
Gingerballs                                                  70
Donkey Punch and Pie                                         64
Over Macho Grande                                            63
This is Walter Cronkite Reporting on Walter Cronkite's Death 60
The Gubernaculum                                             59
Shot in the Dark                                             57
Short Bus                                                    52
Rarebird                                                     49
Brankees                                                     43
Fiduciary Duty                                               38
Neil O’Neils                                                 27

Next week!

I knew it was only a matter of time before some drunk came up to the window and yelled at me. Well, it happened last night. He was trashed. I was in the middle of going through the answers for a round when he appeared. He started yelling something about a mountain man. He had crazy eyes. He didn’t stick around. He yelled his bit and walked away. I wish I would have asked him to elaborate more on the whole mountain man thing, but those crazy eyes of his were freaky.

Happy birthday to Ashley!

My two favorite answers of the night were to the question about Leonardo DiCaprio’s last girlfriend. Who was she? According to It Took Two, she was a 12 year-old boy named Frederico. Team Birthday responded with “Giselle Bundchen, let’s feed her a potato”.

Every team got a perfect score on the visual round. Not that I’m surprised.. you all seem to do really well with any questions that relate to sex (except questions on STDs). Bravo!

Towards the end of quiz, some fellas came in and sat right next to me at the bar. Clearly, they had had way too many Zima Golds. I wanted to shake them and remind them that just because you are drunk, the people around you don’t become hard of hearing all of the sudden. Dzamn!

Here we have Deanna, our email bonus winner. She really loves Freud.

My favorite picture. Check out the guy in the white.

Heather and Roberto!

While you were drunk, I was looking at your phone...

Magical Meatpants. Third.The name says it all.

You're Gonna Love My Nuts. Second. We all loved your nuts.

The Nevernudes. First.

Scores

The Nevernudes            73
You’re Gonna Love My Nuts 66
Magical Meat Pants        62
His and Her Peas          60
It Took Two               59
Sex Bob-omb!              58
Bob Loblaw Law Blog       58
5th Place Again           54
Birthday!!                52
Dumbledore’s Army         51
FTW                       31
Awesome, Duh!             29

I'll leave you with this thought: "The Black Stallion" and "Black Beauty" are different stories, both about black horses.

Random ramblings about last night:

• Axe body spray and Summer’s Eve are definitely two very different things.

• The pink Hummer seen around Denver is U-G-L-Y. It ain't got no alibi.

• Many of you learned how to spell lavender last night.

• Pigs cannot jump 6 feet in the air.

• Remember the female duck in Howard the Duck? She had womanly features that freaked me out.

• What up with team Which Takes Up More Space: Queen Latifah or the Unknown Universe? making fun of my girl Latifah? I do love me some Beauty Shop.

• I didn’t know what a “virgin surgeon” was until last night. I thought we had a new team of quiz virgins who happened to be surgeons. Yeah, I know… wow.

• If you write your bonus round answers smaller than the human eye can read, I probably will miss it.

• Speaking of bonus rounds, the guy from Rarebird is really good at winning them.

• Barry Manilow would never, call anyone a bitch.

• Amber, Brian, Alan, and Renee, our Rover staff, are pretty damn cool.

Rarebird. Third.

Ensign Cameltoe. Second.

Quiz Virgin Surgeons. First.

Scores

Quiz Virgin Surgeons                                              65
Ensign Cameltoe                                                   63
Rarebird                                                          60
N.P.H. Fan Club                                                   59
Which Takes Up More Space: Queen Latifah or the Unknown Universe? 56
4 Hour Wait                                                       56
Cheese Wiz                                                        52
The unteachables                                                  47
The Taint Painters                                                44
Beef Stroganoff                                                   43
Stoptidude                                                        41
Caddyshack                                                        13

Next week!

Yay for the new window! At first, I was afraid that passersby would annoy me, but it was actually pretty cool. First off, two guys decided to hang out in the window for bonus questions. When I told them they reminded me of The Wizard of Oz, they were confused. Did I mean they resembled flying monkeys? A witch? Dorothy? Seeing them in the window reminded me of the munchkins hanging out of windows. I know. I’m strange. Check out the picture below:

Later on, some guys stopped at the window to see what was going on. They had a sweet dog, although she looks scary in the picture:

Here is a picture of Alan and a friend, acting as bouncers for my window:

Random thoughts:

Round Six was awesome. You all are dirties, so I could tell you were enjoying every minute of it.

Male bees don’t sting. Thanks to Mother Nature for making the females do all the work.

Who names a duck Dumbella?

There is something really nasty about ZZ Top singing about pearl necklaces.

Here are some more pictures. Notice Richard, playing peek-a-boo!

Rarebird. Third.

Alpha King Anybody. Second.

Argentine Soul Mates. First.

Scores

The Argentine Soul Mates                                  58
Alpha Kenny Buddy                                         57
Rarebird                                                  53
Penguin Missionary Sex                                    50
Something Clever                                          47
Cub Scout Troop 26 Found During Michael Jackson’s Autopsy 44
The Team Name                                             43
Hi There, Billy Mays Here!!                               41
Billy Mays was Not My Lover                               35
Jennai Suz                                                22

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!

I didn’t take a picture of the new garage door window thingy at the Rover, but you all saw it. It was pretty cool. We will probably have to keep it shut during quiz though, because the paparazzi are insane with me. I wouldn’t want all of the yelling and camera flashes to ruin your quiz experience.

Favorite team name goes to Georgia O’Kweefe.

Our email bonus prize last night was sweet. Too bad there can only be one winner.
Here he is, along with his lovely team with awesome accents:

Don’t you love it when we are given a sacrificial virgin to taunt and tease at the Rover? Last night, it was Dave. You hurled your shit at him and he took it like a man. He even taught you about sex, and judging from your answers, you needed his help.

Here is Dave, apparently in very deep thought. He was whispering lines from Dirty Dancing to me all night. He wanted to pretend he was Johnny, and that I was Baby.

I liked the notes I got on the answer sheets for Round 2. Some of you actually thought “Barbie Girl” is a party starter, not killer. Um. Wow.

Some man yelled at me as he was leaving the bar, right in the middle of quiz. I didn’t hear what he said, dammit. Perhaps he was also offended that I said “She Bangs” sucks. My bad.

At the end of quiz, this fella walked into the bar:

Here are some more images of our night together:

Big Fuckin' Monkey. Third.

I Punched Perez Hilton. Second. Happy birthday, Dave!

Team Fox and Goose. First.

Read This:

Team Fox and Goose                  76
I Punched Perez Hilton              75
Big Fuckin’ Monkey                  74
I’m Chuck Bass                      73
Hot Pickle Action (AKA UnAmericans) 72
Something Clever                    71
Turd Fergerson                      67
Short Bus                           60
Terrible                            55
Heckle and Jeckle                   55
Georgia O’Kweefe                    49

See ya next week!

It was great to be back at the Rover last night. It had been way too long. Not only did I have regular teams, but we also had a bunch of new ones. Yay!

Thanks to the UnAmericans for giving new names to the 007 movies. I loved them, although they weren’t very dirty. Perhaps you all were too busy playing with your new pickle..

That’s right. Simon won the yodeling pickle. Everyone wanted that pickle. I wanted that pickle. When Simon came to claim it, I informed him that he needed to unwrap his pickle so I could play with it. He then told me that was the first time anyone had said such a thing to him. Firsts for everything! Check out his team photo, for some hot pickle action.

Here is Simon, with his new lucky pickle:

That Singular Sensation, I hate to tell you, but there was no character named Biff in Scooby Doo. Thanks for your help though!

Um, I don’t know how you all could get David Lee Roth and David Koresh confused. I had a good laugh while grading that round.

A big thank you to Princes of the Universe for drawing a rather large penis on their answer sheet for Round 6. Tell me how you really feel.

At Home He's Only a Tourist. Third.

UnAmericans. Second. Simon loves his pickle.

Hot Zygote Action. First.

Thunderballs!

Hot Zygote Action                                      74
UnAmericans                                            66
At home He’s a Tourist                                 62
I Thought we Were Supposed to Win the Iranian Election 60
That Singular Senstation                               53
Cabbage Croquet Collision                              50
Clueless                                               49
Waiting for Friends..                                  47
Greased Up Deaf Guy                                    44
Princes of the Universe                                31
All By Myself                                          19
Twiggy Alien Trevor’s                                  18

Next week.

Now that is what I call a Goddamn Moustache!

I was back at the Irish Rover last night, filling in for your usual Quizmistress who is off completing her community service (glug glug, vroom vroom, thump thump) so that she can return to you without that itchy ankle monitor. Be strong!

The Quiz tonight was a real knee-slapper. I still have the olde-timey ragtime version of Total Eclipse of the Heart in my head. We kicked off the night with a round on female centered sitcoms. Some teams even got the one about the black-nurse-single-mom with the husband who died in 'Nam. I watch TV, A LOT OF TV, and I have never heard of that show. I guess you are never too old to learn something new.

Here are a few other thing I learned tonight:

People under the age of 25 know almost nothing about Burt Reynolds.

Grape Ape must look a lot like Magilla Gorilla.

I missed the chance to try McSpaghetti.

Someone needs to come up with an easier way to spell Mayonnaise.

Our internet bonus question was won by Andy, of the Unamericans. If he uses his "classic disguise" to rob a bank, I will feel somewhat responsible.

Hey...is that Woody Allen?
We started out with 13 teams, all eager to snatch the brass ring of victory, but only three were destined to end up in the Circle of Glory. The fight was long and hard (that's what she said) and when the last question was answered only the Quiz elite were left standing.

IN THIRD PLACE:

HOT ZYGOTE ACTION
They look like the cast of Charlie's Angels.

IN SECOND PLACE:

TORNADO BACK ALLEY
Flashing the devil horns of Triumph.

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNERS:

THE BROADWAY BOMBERS
Playing "leggo my Eggo" with the prize.

Thank you all for making me feel so welcome and not pelting me with rocks and garbage. Next week, your regular host will return and our time together will be just a memory. But it's the laughter that I will remember, whenever I remember, the way we were.

Shine on you crazy diamonds. Here are...

...THE SCORES:

BROADWAY BOMBERS                          76
TORNADO BACK ALLEY                        74
HOT ZYGOTE ACTION                         73
UNAMERICANS                               68
OCTO-COCK                                 64
SHORT BUS                                 62
UNICORN PORN                              57
INSUFFERABLE COLLEAGUE                    56
BACK IN THE HIGH LIFE                     52
I LEFT MY FART IN SAN FRANSISCO           48
STOPITUDE                                 45
BBAV                                      41
KENDRA AND SPENCER                        38

A little bit of Dublin right here in Denver.
With fewer stabbings.

Oh what a night. The skies cleared and the folks came out of their holes to gather together and celebrate the joy of Pub Quiz. Ellen, the Quiz Mistress-in-Residence, was away this week, completing her community service for that series of indecent exposure incidents last fall, while she was adjusting to her new medication. Poor dear. Be strong!

Not only did the crowd at the Rover get treated to me, your humble narrator, as a Guest Quizmaster, but they also got to meet Ken, our Quizmaster-in-Training, who dropped by to do 3 rounds and give a howdy-do. Ken is a nice young man, an orphan owned by the Geeks Who Drink Corp. who will be hosting a quiz out in Littleton. We wish him well.

The internet bonus prize this week was a certified "Real Plastic" Dashboard Jesus that is guaranteed to but the Christ in your Chrysler and the Jesus in your Jeep. And the Messiah in your Mercedes. You see where I am going with this, so I will stop.

WARNING: USE OF THE DASHBOARD JESUS WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DRIVE ON WATER.

The rounds were tough, but the teams were tougher. Three teams even managed to identify every single human bone in our visual round. Yes, even the ULNA! Color me amazed!

At the end of the night, when all the questions had been asked, all the sheets had been scored, and all of the kiddies had been tucked into bed, we had THREE BIG WINNERS.

IN THIRD PLACE:

LIVE FREE AND DIE GAY
The new State slogan of Iowa, I believe.
IN SECOND PLACE:

THE UNAMERICANS
I dunno, they look Patriotic to me.

and IN FIRST PLACE:

DR. JECKEL AND MR. DOUCHEBAG
That Team Name = My Life Story.

It was the Best of Times, it was the next-to-best of times. Thank you all for being so kind and putting out the welcome mat for a weary traveller like myself. Have a great week and stay frosty.

Here are...

...THE SCORES

DR.JECKEL AND MR. DOUCHEBAG           68
THE UNAMERICANS                       64
LIVE FREE AND DIE GAY                 59
RAREBIRD                              58
HOT ZYGOTE ACTION                     57
SHORTBUS                              54
GNARLY KRUMHOLTZ                      52
OH, MIGHTY THOR!                      48
MIDGET ALBINOS                        42
MCCUE                                 38
SERIOUSLY???                          32
PISTACHIO                             12

That is, if you ever mistake her for Debbie Gibson. I wouldn’t blame her a bit either. Shame shame!

I was so excited to see the return of many old teams. It was like last night was team reunion night. I do hope you will be back. Why don’t we just go ahead and make this a regular thing? Works for me. Team Trihippodecasegquapedalianphobia decided to have a little fuck with me, by having a very long, hard to pronounce name. Thanks guys! Doug, of Beans on Toast left this morning to serve our country. How fun that he spent his last night in Denver with us! Be safe, Doug! We will see you back at the Rover in a year!

Random Memories of Last Night:

Midget Albinosthought I should give them credit for their answer of “Celebrity Fat Camp” instead of “Celebrity Fit Club”.

Short Busthought that most of the answers to round 5 had “cameltoe” in the name.

It was a testosterone fest behind the bar, which is never a bad thing.

I spilled ginger ale on myself during quiz. It was a very annoying, sticky situation.

The guy with the black eye didn’t want to play at first, but of course changed his mind.

The girl of Hiking with Roxy told me a little secret: when she was younger, she had a poster of David Cassidy in her bedroom. She wore the lips off of the picture. Awesome.

Quadriplegics are Easy. Third.

Rarebird. Second.

Bye Doug (here with members of Beans on Toast. First.

Scores

Goodbye Doug	                        68
Rarebird	                        62
Quadriplegics are Easy	                61
Beans on Toast	                        60
Unamericans	                        56
Trihippodecasegquapedalianphobia	55
Hikin' with Roxy	                53
High Heels and Low Lives	        52
Short Bus	                        49
Midget Albinos	                        48
Sleeve of Wizard	                45
Vagtastic Voyage	                44
Who's Next?	                        41
Team Redrum	                        39
Black Eye	                        27
Late to the Party	                23

Next week.