Heh, although I explained how bonus rounds work, one team still didn’t get it. Poor guys thought I was giving everyone else an advantage by allowing them to gather around me. My response was simple: sometimes life isn’t fair. Then I explained bonus rounds again.

I have a new microphone that has an on/off switch. I feel like Fancy Nancy!

Random Ramblings:

Authenticate!

Have you ever checked out Post Secret? Pretty interesting and always entertaining.

Favorite team name of the night: Tits Ahoy!

Desperately Seeking Susan rocked.

The guy from Magical Meatpants prefers the GWD pens over pencils.

I named team Richard’s Right Hand. Perhaps I am a good luck charm.

Pictures!

Magical Meatpants. Third.

Tits Ahoy! Second.

Richard's Right Hand. First.

Scores

Richard’s Right Hand   65
Tits Ahoy!             62
Magical Meatpants      58
Civic-Minded Pimps     57
Ensign Cameltoe        57
Donna Martin Graduates 54
Blood Bath & Beyond    54
I Design               24
Sopla Me Vedga         22

My Wednesday nights are always filled with randomness. First, I accidently stole a parking from a really nice man. Before I knew he was nice, I started to wonder if he would key my car. He ended up parking in front of me in the loading zone. When I apologized, he was as nice as he could be. And no keying took place.

After my little conversation with the nice man, I began walking up the street towards the Rover. I almost immediately ran into three men who were dressed in these full body, bright lime green, spandex outfits. Their heads were even covered. So strange. I caught myself looking them up and down, and then I felt like a perv. I will say this though.. they were definitely men. Turns out it was some promotion for the new season of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. Yoohoooo, John Dicker! Perhaps you should do something similar for Geeks. It must involve spandex though. Must.

You all killed me on the visual round last night. I figured that you either knew the Pee Wee’s Playhouse characters (which you should), or you were shit out of luck. Those of you who didn’t know the characters didn’t give up. For example, team Mostly Continent said Reba the Mail Lady was “Knowledgeable Black Woman”. Death by Sexy renamed Chairry “Dough the Chair”. Lovely guesses.

We had a few new teams last night. I had another random experience at the window. It was a fabulous night.

Mostly Continent. Third.

Sweet Petal Douche. Second.

Nobody Puts Swayze in the Coroner. First.

Scores

Nobody Puts Swayze in the Coroner  68
Sweet Petal Douche                 63
Mostly Continent                   61
The Merkins                        52
Death by Sexy                      59
The Seafarers                      49
Gov’s Park Sucks                   48
The Vandelays                      36

Next week!

An Island of Civility in a harsh and ugly world.

So, yesterday I was minding my own business, wearing a smile, and enjoying a tour of the Breckenridge Brewery. My guide led me through each step of the beer making process. I think it goes like this:

Step One: Burn some grape nuts and put them in a big pot of water.
Step Two: Get the water hot and add some cat food pellets that smell like weed.
Step Three: Make it cold and drink it.

I may have missed a step or two, and I was pretty distracted by the free beer they kept giving me, but I think I got the jist of it. Then, right when I am just about to try my 11th flavor of IPA, I get a phone call. I am needed at the Irish Rover! Quick, to the Quizmobile. And before you can say "oatmeal stout" I was setting up my gear and getting ready to rock the rover with some hot pub quiz power.

I discovered quite quickly that my microphone was as dead as a doornail so I went next door to Three Kings and they loaned me a beautiful, brand-new Shure SM-58, and the quiz started right on time.

Our internet bonus prize was won by Maxy. He took home a precious little ceramic baby with a passion for smoking.

You should never let a real baby smoke, but it's okay if they dip Skoal.

It was a grueling quiz. Hilarious, but certainly up there on the Pub Quiz difficulty meter. Scores were all over the place throughout the night with no clear leaders appearing until the final round. Here...are the Winners.

IN THIRD PLACE:

THE PEANUT BUTTER MOUSTACHES.

IN SECOND PLACE:

I HAVE TO GIVE MY MOM "THE TALK".

AND OUR FIRST PLACE CHAMPS:

ROB IS ON YOU TUBE, AGAIN.

It was, as always, a super-awesome time down at the Rover. Everyone was so kind and welcoming and I look forward to seeing you all again, somewhere down the line. So until then, here are some...

SCORES!

ROB IS ON YOU TUBE, AGAIN             59
I HAVE TO GIVE MY MOM "THE TALK"      54
THE PEANUT BUTTER MOUSTACHES          53
DEATH BY SEXY                         48
THE SEAFARERS                         42
MAGGIE'S FARM                         40
THE KNOW-NOTHING KNOW-IT-ALLS         40
THE SHAKIN' BABIES                    36

Good times. We had great team names last night. I can’t even decide which one I liked the best. Also, we saw some teams hold on to their jokers until the very end, which allowed them to climb out of the bottom.

I would love it if Bob Dylan gave me directions on my Garmin. My current guy, who I have named Beau, just can’t hold a candle to Bob.

Favorite questions and answers of the night:
Q- 1985, Sean Astin: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
A- Rudy.

Q- Complete this Margaritaville lyric. Nibblin’ on blank blank.
A- Tuna Tacos

Anthony Michael Hall was not in Pretty in Pink. But John Cryer was. We also must not forget my man, Mr. James Spader. I love him. Blaine? His name is Blaine?

I had another strange window experience last night. This guy walked by, stopped, turned around, and started walking towards my window. Then he stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me, as if we were in the middle of a conversation and he was waiting for me to finish my sentence or something. I grabbed my drink, which was sitting on the window. I didn’t want him to steal it. After a pause, he turned around and walked away. It was quite strange. Just another Wednesday at my window.

Photos:

The Winners:

Ensign Cameltoe. Third. They had to go, so standing in for them,
we have the fabulous staff of the Rover: Renee, Trevor, and Amber.

Rarebird Second.

Your Sitters Got Piles. First.

Scores

Your Sitters Got Piles           74
Rarebird                         68
Ensign Cameltoe                  67
Aunt Bea's Contraceptive Company 65
Sayonara Fuckers                 62
High-End Mexican                 59
Your Mom’s a Dirty Horcurx       56
Skid Marks                       55
The Peanut Butter Mustaches      54
Broken Hands Heal Hearts         52
Battery Operated Boyfriends      41
Smitticks                        27
Moose Knuckles                   13

Before I sign off, I would like to remind you that if you would like to see how I scored any particular round, just ask me. I'm cool like that.

Have a super dooper holiday weekend! See ya next week!

Since Ellen, Quiz Bitch Regulaire, was off fighting in love's battlefield at the Pat Benatar concert, Irish Rover geeks got The Redhead as their Quiz Bitch du Jour. High five to all freakin' fourteen teams who came out last night to eat, drink, and geek out. You guys were on the categories like flies on Ted Kennedy.

I have no idea who these folks are, but they photographed pretty and didn't play the quiz. Lame.
We had a few Dbag incidents with intellectuals in the crowd wanting to shout out the answers. Today, I want to send a shout out to my friend Dave's MOM, our star Dbagette of the evening. Amazingly, one team still missed the question to which she shared the answer. Awesome. I am proud, however, that for the category of 3 or 5? that no one supplied an unsightly 4 or 7 as a response.

The second Dbag incident of the evening came when a fire truck came roaring by, sirens blasting, mid-round. A member of the Flaky Lepers loudly proclaimed, "DBAG!" at the truck for interrupting his pub quiz vibe. Yes, damn those firemen - saving people and shit. F them all to H.

Doin' it for Teddy - way to represent
It's also obvious that no one in the room used soap operas to get them through summer vacation. Round 7 was a lively jaunt through bad serial daytime drama in song and I was forced to make everyone suck a little bit less by awarding a free point to every team. Most notably, The Long Day eeked through the round with one point (?) and team Gobias Industries blew the bell curve (or the teacher) with their whopping 6 points.

The Chappaquiddick Avenger posing for a Kennedy-esque mug shot
At the end of the evening, there was no contest for the clear first, second and third place winners. The Kennedys would be proud as The Chappaquiddick Avenger finished out in 3rd, Gobias Industries captured 2nd and Empathic Fish (named for this completely retarded article from PETA) swam to the head of the class and pissed excellence in first. It's great when you can piss excellence in an aquarium - no one really notices.

Smartest in school - the Empathic Fish
Team name of the evening goes to Sit, Stay, Now Lick the Peanut Butter. I am speechless. I own two dogs. I am shutting up. You win nothing except my praise.

One final shout out goes to the Flaky Lepers. How's your Aspen, guys?

I thank the Irish Rover's swarms of geeks for having me as guest Quizmaster and hereby award 5 random post-quiz points (redeemable for nothing) to the gentleman from The Chappaquiddick Avenger who asked if he could touch my boobs as a consolation prize for doing poorly on a round. Hat tip, sir. Hat tip.


There's More than One Way to Score with a Geek...

Scores:

Empathic Fish                          66
Gobias Industries                      63
The Chappaquiddick Avenger             57
Rare Bird                              54
Doing it for Teddy                     50
Flaky Lepers                           49
When Did Spurs Get Good?               49
Blue Meanies                           46
Let's Hug it Out, Bitches              46
Orphans With Disease                   45
The Redhead's Hash Tag Whores          45 
Sit, Stay, Now Lick the Peanut Butter  44
The Long Day                           42
I'm Not Drunk, I'm a Geologist         38

Another fantastic night at the Rover. My window was open, the air was cool, and I enjoyed a beer. I only enjoyed a beer because team Bukkakkaroke: Come on Eileen informed me that beer is good for women in fighting osteoporosis.

Thanks to the guy who walked by my window and yelled “God Bless”. You know, I'm really loving that window. I’m either being God Blessed, cursed at, or stared at. At least when people stop to stare, I can invite them in to play quiz. I actually was able to pull one group into quiz that way. I felt quite accomplished.

Team Retire Already Favre informed me that they didn’t know the answer to the HBO question because they are too poor to have HBO because they spend all their money at quiz. I say do whatever you have to do to come to quiz. You don’t need cable when you have Wednesday nights at the Rover!

I must say I was extremely impressed with team Albuturkeys. They rose to first place at the very end of the night. You all jokered Round 8, which really changed things up. I love it when that happens. You just never know what that joker will do for you.

Sometimes, I feel bad that I have to stop a song to talk to you all when you are singing along. This happened with “Carry on Wayward Son” last night. Maybe I should just shut up and let you finish singing. There is nothing like hearing the bar bust out some Kansas. Nothing at all.

Roberto, Jen, and Marianne left before I could take the team picture. What up?

For those of you who were wondering, the drummer from Def Leppard lost his arm in an auto accident. Darryl Hannah is missing part of her index finger because when she was 3, she got her finger stuck in a well pulley at her grandmother’s house.

Photos:

Your Winners:

Bukkakkaroke: Come on Eileen. Third.

Rarebird. Second.

Albuturkeys. First.

Scores

Albuturkeys                  69
Rarebird                     67
Bukkakkaroke: Come on Eileen 65
Short Bus                    62
Brown Chicken Brown Cow      48
Retire Already Favre         44
Vlynx Flyin Solo             44
Capital Hillbillies          42
Shake Yo Cans, Shake Yo Cans 36
Sector 6                     19

Next week!

The best part of Ireland is in Denver.

I was just about to take a group of poor inner-city children on a camping trip when the phone in my lair rang and I was called into action guest hosting the Quiz at the Rover. Sorry kiddies, maybe next time. I guess it's back to the orphanage for now.

I leapt into the Quizmobile and I was off to the Rover. No sooner than I arrived on the scene, the teams began to gather, and I could tell by the look of steely determination in their eyes that they were here to Quiz.

The teams all strived mightily, but as these things go, only three teams could take home the prizes. Our big winners were:

IN THIRD PLACE:

F.N.Y.C.

IN SECOND PLACE:

FEMME FATALES

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNER:

ENSIGN CAMELTOE


A good time was had by all. We laughed, we cried, and we learned a lesson about love. We would never be the same again after that special summer. OK Rover players, thanks for making me feel welcome and here are

YOUR SCORES:

ENSIGN CAMELTOE                                73
FEMME FATALES                                  70 
F.N.Y.C.                                       65
BADLY DRESSED WHITEYS AGAINST HEALTHCARE       64
THE AUNT BEA CONTRACEPTIVE CO.                 61
TWO IS A CROWD                                 60
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID                           56
RICK PITINOS ABORTION                          52

Fun times at the Rover last night. We started off with a Black and White round. Many of you answered that a black and white is milk and Guinness mixed together. The thought disgusts me. However, I am not a huge fan of Guinness. I was curious, so I did some recipe searching for you all. Here is one that actually may be decent:

Guinness Punch
12 oz Guinness® stout
1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk
1/16 tsp cinnamon
1/16 tsp nutmeg
Unsweetened cocoa powder

Gently pour a well-chilled Guinness into a small mixing bowl or glass that will hold all of the liquid ingredients. Add the sweetened condensed milk, spices, and cocoa (if it's wanted). Stir or whisk well, and pour the mixture into a pint-sized beer mug or pub glass. Makes 1 drink.

We had a lot of song requests last night. “Africa” was one of them. Love it! I bet Alan was sitting in his office thinking what the fuck is she playing now? Such good sports you all are. Toto is sweet. Also, despite my better judgment, I played “Don’t Stop Believing”. How could I even hesitate? The entire bar lit up. I guess I’m just a little sick of it being overplayed. But you all taught me that I am capable of being wrong. Thanks for the lesson.

I got a couple of “Pube Quiz” answer sheets last night. It always makes me laugh. I guess small things amuse me.

Jen, of Y So Socialist? won the email bonus prize. I informed her she had to wear it through the rest of quiz. At one point, she sneezed and tried to cover her mouth and nose. It was quite amusing. Here she is:

Zach and Jill came to their last quiz for a long time. They just got married and are moving. It was only appropriate that I give them a wedding present. Well, I guess I’d call it more of a housewarming present.

Here is Jill, holding her new, beautiful wall art:

What more could newlyweds ask for?
She said she is going to put it right next to her macramé owl.
I trust that she meant it.

I’m so sad that the Taco Bell doggie moved on to Doggie Heaven. Rest in peace, little Gidget. Speaking of Taco Bell, the slogan is “Think outside the bun”. Some of you were close with the answer “Think outside the box”, but no cigar. Some of you got all technical on me about the whole sauce question. One team wrote there were 4 sauces, because for a limited time only, you can get Volcano Sauce. Damn you guys analyze. By the way, 50 Cent is a bitch. There. I said it again. A big, whiney bitch.

Here are some more fun pictures:

Hitched but Not Tied Down. Third. Here they are, with some more friends.
They know all about Cherry Coke.

The Nevernudes. Second. I tried to give their prize to another team,
and they were so gracious about it.

Y So Socialist?. First.
Here they are with poor Bobby, who was forced to sit at the bar.
Heather kept him company though.

Scores

Y So Socialist                     72
The Nevernudes                     71
Hitched but Not Tied Down          59
Rare Bird                          58
The Irish Gropers                  58
No Name                            57
Da Rizza                           56
I’m Sorry Charlie Murphy           54
Linguine Fettuccini Bikini Martini 51
Rizz                               49
The Ashy Larrys                    32
Mike Hunt                          12

This concludes another fabulous hump night at the fabulous Irish Rover. Until we hump again...

Oh, My Dentist is a Dope FiendRoots Ministries said we were listening to a love song from “Ernest Goes to Jail”.

Speaking of these two teams, the names are interesting. Jen, of My Dentist recently found out that her dentist has been charged with something like 400 counts of illegal distribution of drugs. Seems he was hooking everyone up with pain meds, except for our poor Jen. So, looks like she will be needing a new dentist pretty soon. As an avid fan of Judge Judy and The People’s Court, I would like to point out that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. I think she is just bitter because she wasn’t in on the alleged activity. Hey, maybe you should go to his office and stock up on the free toothbrushes in the bathroom. Where he may be going, he won’t need them.

Then we have team Roots Ministry, also known as Short Bus. Their team name is a direct stab at me. Thanks! Love it!

Thank you to Kiernan for helping me out last night. Here he is:

Looking at this picture, he kind of reminds me of a young John Dicker.
What do you think?

We had some singers at the bar. Team Twat!?! decided it was time to do a little practice for American Idol. I also overheard one of them talking about how she would like to audition for a play, but she is afraid. Dooo it!

I’d like to give a special shout out to Zach and Jill. I actually met them playing a quiz like three years ago and they have become great friendsof mine. They have since moved away, but are back in town getting married this weekend. Sorry I didn’t play Africa, dammit! For shits and giggles, Zach asked Renee for a raspberry Smirnoff Ice. The look on her face was priceless…

Here we have team Forget the Wedding, Time to Bone. Get on it!

And now, we have some additional images:

Our email bonus winner won a smoking baby. He was super excited.

Gravy Beard. Third.

Twat!?!. Second, but only because they didn't know that
Universal Studios is not Disney.
Therefore, they didn't know who Captain EO was...

My Dentist is a Dope Fiend. First. Of course they know Captain EO!

Your Scores

My Dentist is a Dope Fiend       71
Twat?!?                          70
Gravy Beard                      67
Maggie’s Farm                    63
Absent cougar                    63
Late Night NG                    62
Gobias Industries                62
Roots Ministries                 60
Rebirtha                         60
Hot Zygote Action                60
Mostly American UnAmericans      58
Sharon Tates                     52
Screw the Marriage, Time to Bone 48
Herpe Slurpees                   45

Next week, my quizzers!