Green Eggs and Sperm, I bet you wanted to slap me silly. I'm glad you didn't, though.

Fabulous times tonight. My favorite answers of the night were Shrek for Round 7, along with Mike D, the now defunct record company that shares its name with a member of the Beastie Boys.

Team Teabaggers on Parade knew they were listening to Sinead O'Connor, but were at a loss for the title of the song. So, they wrote this: "Some bullshit about the pope and vaginas I don't know." Very good, very good.

A big thanks to the two teams who didn't follow my explicit directions on the fact/fiction round. All I can do is laugh. You kind of reminded me of myself, actually.

Check it out:

They won:

Scores

DKBC                        67
Grand.Old.Pervs.            66
The Lazy Seals              63
Teabaggers on Parade        62
Cunning Stunts              61
Pabstsmears                 57
Pavel                       55
Obscure 80's Band           51
He Bangs, He Bangs.. Dudes  48
Jesse James is a Dead Man   46
Los Cajones                 45
Green Eggs and Spam         45

I'll see your beautiful faces next week.

Let's begin the blog with a fabulous picture:

I walked into a very crowded Rover tonight. It was pretty loud. Then, I read the question that ended in the word masturbation (I edited this, due to the fact that I was called out for spelling it wrong. One of my favorite characters of all time is Master Bates.) I swear, you could have heard a pin drop. Why did it take me so long to figure out how to silence the bar?

Remember the creeper who got all creepy with me a few months ago? I've noticed a pattern with him. He will begin quiz, stop for a while, and start again. Do I care? Not at all. It's when he starts over again that he only listens half of the time. I'll read a question and every other time, he asks me what number we are on.. right after I just said it. This was quite annoying tonight, but it wasn't as annoying as the girl who shouted out wrong answers for the last few rounds. "Flash Gordon! Ooooooh! It's Flash Gordon!" Um, no, it isn't. So please refrain from such outbursts.

So, Round Three was multiple choice. The three answers to choose from were Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Madonna. One team chose Angelina Jolie and Queen Latifah for their answers. I can see how you would confuse Queen Latifah for Madonna. I'm sure she gets that all the time. Oh, how I love you all and your random answers.

I had trouble pronouncing the team name Helen Keller's School of Culayawa. I wasn't shocked, as there always seems to be a funky name that makes me feel like a fool. After trying my hardest, one of the members came up to me and informed me that I wasn't supposed to know how to pronounce it. Ahh, that made your QM feel so much better.

Fabulous People:

Winners:

Scores

Festive Interjections               73
Clever Team Name.. With Vulva!      67
Helen Keller's School of Culayawa   56
Results May Vary                    53
Valerie Malone > Kelly Kapowski   52
Fifth Dimensional Cow               51
Hot for Teacher                     51
Big Fucking Deal                    49
Teabag the Tea Party                47
F.U.P.A.                            44
Amber's Army                        44
Love Everything Wasted              32
Perfectly Random                    32
Featherdusters                      31

Oh Corey Haim, we hardly knew ye...

So, there I was, building my third house in a week for Habitat for Humanity, when I get the call from the regular Quizmaster at the Rover. She says that there is some Satan/Drug/Orgy deal that she just can't miss and can I drop everything and run down to the Irish Rover to do the quiz. Well, as you all know, I have a heart the size of Rhode Island (the smallest of the 50 states but still quite enormous for a heart) and I just can't say "no" to a Quizmaster in need. So here I am, a stranger in a stranger bar, armed with nothing but good looks and microphone. I can do this!

The big Bonus Prize tonight went to a lucky young lady named Kat, who apparently has won the bonus prize 3 of the past 6 weeks. She swears that she is not cheating.

And just in case any of you are wondering, Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith did not smoke PCP, kill a woman and eat her lungs. It was Tone Loc.

Here are some photos of our top three teams.
IN THIRD PLACE:

We had joy, we had fun, we had sausage on a bun. Thank you all for welcoming me with open arms and legs to your quiz. I hope to see you all again soon. But not next week, because is Quiz is off for St. Paddys Day. I hope its a good one. Seatbelts!

HERE ARE SOME SCORES:

SO MUCH FOR THE LOST BOYS REUNION                 66
THE LAZY SEALS                                    64
CALIFORNIA UBER PHALLUS                           62
THE OMEGA SANCTION                                60
KIMMY GIBBLER, YOU'RE NEXT                        58
LICENSE TO DRIVE II                               56
POWNEE POZE                                       55
THE PINOT GALLERY                                 51
OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT A GOLFER                     47
KATIE BAILED!                                     45
THE MIGHTY MEATEROUS                              43
COREY HAIM AT THE TEA PARTY WITH A PRIUS          40
MADISON STREET                                    33
GOOD TEAM NAME                                    19

A FEW OF THE OTHERS:

I was so happy to see the little DU Library Science reunion tonight. When I began doing quiz at the Rover, they were all grad students. Since then, they have all gone out into the world and gotten fabulous jobs. It was great to see everyone.

I think we need to have a Tomatina party at the Rover. I'd even be open to adding in some other fruits and vegetables.

Sorry to the one dude who loves Macaulay Culkin. You clearly have seen Home Alone one too many times. Good for you for standing up for your man though.

Would you like fries with your buttfucker burger?

Winners

Scores

Nut-Her Island	                           58 (+ 1)
Fightin' Velmas	                           58
Show Her Your Love and Buy Her a Footlong  53
SS Chum Guzzlers	                   52
I Like to Watch You Chew	           49
The Agents Provocateurs                    47
Credible Threat	                           46
Pork Rockets on Parade	                   42
Simon Says "Go Fuck Yourself"	           39
Google Me Elmo	                           37
4th Place	                           36
Hold Me Closer Tony Danza	           34
Red Headed Sluts	                   27
The Dance Partyies	                   23
The Moisture Missles	                   10

Yup, the killer whale incident happened earlier today. It didn't take long for team Oh, That's Why They're Called Killer Whales to cash in.

Here they are, trying to kill Richard with knives:

Our visual round tonight proved that only one team, Replacement Peeps, have a right to be on the road. As for the rest of us, we need to study the driver's manual like we are trying to get our learning permits.

I've never heard of Hurricane Bubba, but he sounds strong.

You know what annoys me? I'll tell you. Annoying people who think they are being cute by shouting out answers. This happened twice at the beginning of quiz, by the same people. Bad, bad, bad karma. So not cute. Douchey Douchertons!

I love the ketchup at the Irish Rover. I'll have to ask them what they use. It is deeeelish.

Pictures:

Winners:

Scores

Agents Provacateurs	                        67
Pink Oliphants	                                64
My Teammates are Dicks	                        63
Replacement Peeps	                        62
U.S., Eh?	                                57
Gentleman's Facial	                        52
Oh That's Why They're Called Killer Whales	49
Olympic Heros	                                47
This'll Shut You Uop, Bitch	                45
Hand Banana Champions of the Universe	        43
Todd's Special Rash Cream	                33
DQ	                                        28

Next week, lovers.

The title of my blog came directly from an answer. The question asked what the song Orange Crush is about.

I feel inspired by tonight's quiz. I am going to run to Hobby Lobby and get some supplies. Next week, I will hand out friendship bracelets. I was really good at making them. Anyone remember the friendship pins? Now those were hardcore. You took a safety pin and put beads on it. I remember it was almost a competition to see how many of those pins I could get on my shoelaces.

George Bush and John Kerry are related? Damn.

Check these out:

Winners:

Scores

Olympic 4-Square	                70
Soggy Croutons	                        63
Tony Stark's Rolodex	                62
Google Me Elmo Marconi	                60
Apollo Ono U Di'nt	                53
I'm Max and I Have No Concept of Time	47
Kirstin	                                47
Crabbie	                                45
Johnny Weir's Anal Beads	        44
Gentleman's Facial	                43
Go-to Guys	                        36
Hoodely Gank and Bobs	                12

Next week.

Ahh, Pokemon vs. Harry Potter. A geek's dream come true. Oh, how I love you and your geeky selves.

We had a few new teams. This always makes my heart sparkle with pure joy.

Other thing that make my heart sparkle:
a. Teams who write me notes about things that make no sense to me. But hey, at least you care enough to write said notes in the first place.

b. Teams who turn in blank answer sheets when they feel defeated. This way, I'm not wondering if you have left the bar, or if you just don't know certain things.

c. Teams who make fun of me via their team name. It shows me you care and that you remember things. Love it. Even if I say I don't.

d. Teams who photobomb other team pictures. Yup, enough said.

e. Teams that possess hot guys. There are many of you.

Here are pictures that make my heart sparkle:

Winners

Scores

Sugar Britches	                        70
Directive 4	                        59
Yastremski's Posthumus Parabolas	58 (plus 1)
The Flying Padres	                58
9 Months is a Long Time	                57
Sheldon Cooper is My Valentine	        55
We Aren't Finishing Last	        54
Gentleman's Facial	                54
Congress-Funkadelic	                53
Two Shiksas and a Jew	                51
Curl This	                        42
This Dumbass Just Fell Down	        41
Harry and the Hendersons	        39
Bears	                                29
Old Man and Slutty Ho	                28
Boot Leggers	                        19
Salon de Refusees	                19

Hugs, kisses, and lollipops!

Hmmmm...did that one guy ever get the memo that I'm not perfect? So sorry. At least once he realized this, he bought me a drink. So, cheers to you, guy who is perfect! I forgive you. I'll pretty much forgive anyone who buys me a drink. Oh, and I didn't take 30 points away from your team, like I threatened. Actually, I quite like your team. They survived the whole freaky couple at the bar thing with me.

I must have missed the day at school that we learned about the infamous parabola. Thanks to creepy guy at the bar for drawing me a pornish parabola. Once again, I was creeped out.

Thanks to Amber's Army for their help in getting me drinks.

I was so happy to see the return of Hot for Teacher, along with some of the fabulous DU Library Science students. Reunited and it feels so good.

One team wrote that the turkey lifter was a jockstrap. I've never met anyone who uses a jockstrap as a utensil. However, there is a first for everything.

Look:

Scores

We're Cheating	                        62
Oral Sex and Beer	                61
Bi-Furious	                        60 (+1)
Riboflavin	                        60
Me and These People	                58
Hot for Teacher	                        58
Existential Crisis on Infinite Earths	54
Band Camp Dropouts	                53
Gentleman's Facial	                52
Get a Fucking Room!	                48
Amber's Army	                        47
John Edwards' Love Child	        46
Chelsea	                                42

Next week!

Remember in National Lampoon's European Vacation when Rusty sees the couple making out and tells his dad "I think he's gonna pork her"? Well, I had the same scenario tonight at the Rover. I swear this guy and girl were going to swallow eachother. Not even did I have it right in my face, but I had to hear the smacking sounds. It was insane. I so badly wanted to tell them to get a room. But I didn't want to interrupt them.

Here is the team that had to sit next to them:

And here they are. Of course you cannot see their faces, as they were mushed together as one the entire quiz.

Always something interesting going on at the bar.

I cannot believe that Dustin Diamond has a porn out. I have no words to describe the disgust I feel. What girl would even go there? Wait.. it does involve girls, right? People, for that matter? Nasty.

You all are such an analytical bunch. I love the questions I got after reading some of the questions tonight. Yes, I was referring to humans.

I'm so excited that some of you will be at Geek Bowl. Rock it out. Win it!

Lookie:

Scores

Yo Mama-Tron	                69
Gobias Industries	        64
NKOTB	                        60
Carpet Matches the Drapes	59
Ellen's Waxing Stick	        54
Cliterati	                54
No Bitch Quite Like Flava-Flav	54
Task Force X	                53
The Third Wheel         	53
Happy Birthday Mark!	        51
COBRA KAI	                46
Man-U	                        38
Poopship Destroyer	        25

Next week, my sweets.