Last week I suggested some questionable ways to dispose of teams that got in the way of winning and immediately I was concerned when two of our top teams were both coincidentally absent this week. This is only a quiz, so if you have them locked in your basement, please set them free or at the very least, don't dispose of the bodies somewhere obvious. Nonetheless, with certain folks dispatched of, it was a Cannonball Run-like race to take advantage of the situation and some serious high scores were the result.

There are a lot of difficult messages to deliver in life; telling someone that a family member has died, telling a colleague that you're gonna have to let them go, telling a child that they're adopted. None of these, however, are as difficult as having to tell your teams that the Tits and Ass round will not be the visual round. As much as we love our public displays of T&A at Illegal Pete's, teams ironically came on even stronger with what are usually the joy kill rounds that require knowledge of culture and history. Meanwhile, I was rather happy that most teams didn't seem to care about Colorado bands that made it big as each week I try to curate a musical selection for everyone that helps foster feelings of elitism and snobbiness.

The lead changed often and even featured a three-way tie late in the game. In the end it was a team that laid low until the final round that would best them all. It seemed only yesterday that the core of Porn Fritters were nestled up by the quizmaster table wondering "who the fuck is this smart-ass, nerd asking dumb questions?" and now they are the latest team I am able to enshrine on the blog as champions.

I run a fair quiz and so before awarding Porn Fritters first place, I made sure there were no answers hidden in the chin beard, made sure that the bluetooth wasn't receiving messages from a rogue satellite and for good measure I threw in a strip search.

The Fritters just eked out a win over Shoaf's Loafs, who were looking like the team to beat most of the night. These guys are a quick study. After a mid-standings placement a few weeks ago, the Loaf figured out a few of the key strategies to building a winner: showing up early, fielding a full team of six, recruiting a token smart girl and then working hard on a sense of confidence that can only be brought about by the most potent of libations.

Archer's of Shoaf

We had a record number of perfectly scored rounds this week, though none were as impressive as the Old Noots clean sweep of the first audio round. They must play some seriously crappy music over at the bank because the Noots, who normally couldn't find their way into the top three with an answer key that even had extra large font, stole a page from team Sex Panther and rode the coattails of a perfect 32 points that prom-themed round. This week the challenge is out there for Jamie to procure a picture of her at Wrestlemania (which she reminded me like ten time that she's going to) holding an Old Noots sign.

It's a little early in the year for swamp ass, so where's all that moisture from?

A lot of teams made a good showing this week. Steve Perry's Mullet and the Terrible Twosome feared well as two player teams, we had a handful of promising new teams, a very quiet contender in Lemming's Rule and I even met a fellow 1190 alum accompanying the Heaters.

We're in need of putting another notch in the belt as we grow down in the DTC and so the always accommodating folks at Pete's have spilled the good news that they're working on having outdoor speakers for additional teams to play out on the patio this spring/summer. Illegal Pete's will have a patio kickoff next weekend where the only question you'll need to answer is, "is he/she really that attractive or am I just drunk." Award yourself one point if you correctly answered "doesn't really matter until tomorrow morning."

The Final Standings:

Porn Fritters                   80
Shoaf's Loafs                   79
Old Noots                       76
Lemming's Rule                  75
The Family Who Drinks Together  73
Freddy Struggles                65
Steve Perry's Mullet            52
Bushwood Country Club           47
The Heaters                     47
Not So Smart                    46
Terrible Twos                   45
Thomas and the Chin-nuts        42
Heath is a Candy Ass            39

Another packed night at Illegal Petes as teams were spilling outside the doors. We drank a lot, we downed hot sauce, we watched some close college basketball games and some of us earned our booze the hard way, wondering if the next Serena or Venus Williams question would somehow involve booty girth. Lot's of new teams this week, while others continued dominance and one team matured into upper elite status and another fell hard.

I now know what everyone does when they go home after the quiz. I assumed it was to weep and then suck it up to prepare for the next quiz, but in fact everyone's watching infomercials if the scores to the first round were any indication. Once again this week, it was a strong showing in the audio round that put Sex Panther up early. Each round therafter saw the Fistful of Dullards chip away at that lead only to falter in the eighth round. I partly feel like I jinxed the crew for pointing out their amazing top three finish record in last week's blog.

If I may quote the Pretenders..."to keep up with me, you've got to walk like a panther tonight." With a month of dominance, it may be time to start posting the wants ads for some trivia ringers or perhaps putting together an all-star team with the sole intention of bringing down the dynasty. Either that or hang out in the parking lot with pillow cases and rope or electrical tape before they show up.

I suggested a pose as blase as their no frills approach to the Sex Panther moniker this week, but Kyle wasn't having any of that..."Vogue, vogue, vogue..."

Porn Fritters perhaps finalized their "A-team" with a big leap forward this week...landing them into second place. The only team to correctly identify all the fonts in our visual round, I presume their day jobs are not all too unlike the administrative hell that is my own, where you come to loathe Comic Sans and it's pathetic attempt to be funny.

Porn Fritters: But can they identify the font called Troubled Genius?

I wish I could have been there the moment someone suggested, "We should call ourselves Steve Perry's Mullet." Those kind of smarts are what land you on the winners pylon. Steve Perry was working on a turkey farm before being recruited by Journey and I'd like to think these guys arrived from somewhere equally interesting before landing in our winners circle for the evening. Adding insult to injury, they not only beat the Dullardsby a point, they toppled the Dullards impressive intake of Sessions from a few weeks ago

Steve Perry's Mullet

The Final Standings:

Sex Panther              78
Porn Fritters            72
Steve Perry's Mullet     71
Fistful of Dullards      70
Big Dog                  61
Hambones                 56
Magnificent Bastards     52
Team March               46
Thomas and the Choo
   Choo Trains           45
Bushwood Country Club    41
Big in the Bread Basket  35
I Drink By Myself        32
Shredmaster              28
I Got Worms              5

As you can conclude from the title up there, tonight we played the quiz with all the televisions tuned to college basketball. One of the many advantages of being the only person with a mic is being able to rally an entire room of people to do things like chant "Duke sucks."

Without going overboard, we had a few St. Paddys themed rounds with Irish Americana as well as a things Green round. One team's frustrated attempt at an answer, "Cunty Irish," summed up sentiments as everyone struggled with all these Irish-ish cliches. Seriously, we only like the Irish because they have a holiday where drinking it not just encouraged, but pretty much required. Well that and they have some good authors.

Sex Panther:TNP is working on an official team pose that involves a sexy self-manicuring of some sort.

This crowd out-geeked the sci-fi loving folks at the other Illegal Petes this week, with a lot of teams going 8/8 on a round discerning the differences of Hobbits, Dwarves and Elves. Only one team jokered the mash-ups audio round and in this case it made all the difference because their final round would have relegated them elsewhere. Yes, here comes those all too familar names...Remaining on top was Sex Panther: The Next Penetration and not too far behind were Fistful of Dullards. Thankfully they don't run a line in Vegas on the quiz because when I looked over the questions this afternoon, I noted a number of them that favored a certain Fistfuls member who was born across the pond and I was ready to give them the quiz before question one. Diamond Dave, however, fell ill and while the team did quite well in his absence, it was not quite well enough to beat Sex Panther. Those guys are like alcoholics, but for quiz questions...well and the free beer.

The Dullards have placed in the top three every week we've done the quiz at the DTC. Really impressive consistency happening there.

Renee continues to build an impressive new team, placing third with her pals this week. If only their students could see them getting sloshed and answering questions about Muppets.

Some may ask what's up with the Noots getting coverage every week even though they never place. For starters, they're quite photogentic. With Michael Jackson's "Beat It" blaring, I asked to strike a pose and you gotta love the results. They are also one of the most vocal teams and even manged a pair of perfect rounds this week. But most importantly, you get the feeling that these are people you want to party with. They're all skipping work tomorrow to go to Eggs and Kegs in LoDo in the a.m. Hopefully their boss doesn't read this.

This photo is Noot yet rated.

Last week Porn Fritters made me wait for make-up and this week they were asking me to photoshop breasts or something along those lines. I totally don't know what you guys mean, but here's some pictures you can use to work on it yourself:

Pray for my brackets. Till next week...

The Final Standings:

Sex Panther: The Next Penetration  79
Fistful of Dullards                74
Stood Up Again                     69
Old Noots                          55
Porn Fritters                      51
Shoaf's Loafs                      51
Brassknuckles                      50
Backwood's Retards                 28
Eton Beavers                       22
The Ex-Experts                     9

Break out the mops as Illegal Petes at Park Meadows has had their Geeks Who Drink cherry popped. In between following the March Madness previews on tv I conducted a quiz. Our first night together brought out teams from my familiar Pete's stomping ground down the road and as far away as from Nallens. That's right...I'm like the New York Yankees of quizmasters, signing away all the best teams.

I was apparently taking these people away from their Sci-Fi Channel this evening because it was when the Star Trek TNG or Battlestar Gallactica round came up that the points started to amass. I should have inserted a question nine to get things hot and bothered by offering up "Bald and Sexy Picard or Xena, Sexy Warrior Cylon? "

Deprieved childhoods may provide an answer as to the low scores during rounds on Dr. Suess and Animals. We had some little ones running around the place, which may have given some teams the edge and others an opportunity to rethink parenting. I, meanwhile, had to restrain from my usual sailor-like language and prayed that GWD central didn't give me any questions that would leave any of the tikes asking their parents what a (insert clever sexual term here) is.

We had many teams join us mid-stride, with the most interesting being Adrienne and Brandon. Instead of combining their efforts, Brandon had the audacity to challange Adrienne to a battle of the sexes and as you'll see the fairer sex came out on top. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure they still left together.

The last two rounds were chock fulls of points and pivitol to four teams who had been within 2-4 points of one-another all night. In the end it was their knowledge of cult and obscure 80s movie soundtracks that put Something More Substantial on top by a slim margin. A team member also walked away with a fruity smelling "I'm not gay, I just love rainbows" air freshner.

Something More Substantial:Nikki, Jamie and Stephen are Nallen's ex-pats who may own the Short Circuit soundtrack and are the first team to beat when we return to Illegal Petes: PM.

Perhaps taking a vacation from Suburbia, some familiar faces pegged themselves Team Vacation and settle for second. You'd think a team collectively sporting as many tattoos as The Enigma could have indentified "punk" as a correct answer in the last round, but alas it did them in.

Two hours without you and I still haven't gotten over you yet, Team Vacation!.

The young twins of With Twins were running late for their bedtime (or was it auditions to the Mary Kate and Ashley made-for-tv biopic?) and so you'll have to settle for an appropriate quizmaster pic from the vaults.

Wonder Twin powers activate! Shape of a midget game show host. Form of an underaged prom date.

We're back at Illegal Pete's across from Park Meadows Mall every Tuesday at 6PM. They totally have one of those deer shooting games with a plastic shotgun. Makes you want to be there early, eh?

The Final Standings:

Something More Substantial         72
Team Vacation (All I Ever Wanted)  70
With Twins                         68
50 Ways to Lose Your Lover         58
Poopmasters                        45
G+J                                35
Cleveland                          32
Adrienne                           26
Brandon                            22

So after the combined proposal and victory in sudden death, Geeks Who Drink caught up with the newly engaged Evil Rob and his less than totally evil fiance Shannon for a quick follow up chat.

GWD: So Shannon, obvious question first: were you surprised?

Shannon: So, I was surprised but not 100% surprised, if that makes any sense? Like, Rob is so NOT sneaky that I knew he was sneaking around planning something, and I knew that a great many people were aware of whatever he was planning. But I didn't think it was going to be last night, and I didn't expect it in the middle of trivia, so I was definitely surprised by that. And by that crappy Vanilla Ice song. And by who showed up to witness the occasion -- that was cool.

GWD: Evil Rob, how nervous were you exactly?

Evil Rob:I don't think I've ever been that nervous about anything my whole life. I was basically a basket case from the moment I got the ring, which was about a week ago, until last night. I didn't stop shaking
until probably 30 minutes afterwards.

GWD: Both of you: Um, so like where's the rock?

Shannon: He handed me the ring after the round was over and it was really cute because his hands were shaking and he was still all nervous and he kept turning the box around looking for the side that opened. It's a very lovely ring, which apparently he had some assistance in choosing.

Evil Rob: Yeah, Shannon's sister Stacey helped me pick the ring out, and Nikki (my teammate from the Slump Busters) checked it out to make sure I got what I paid for.

GWD: Another obvious question, DATE?

Shannon: We're talking about a late spring or early summer wedding in 2008. It will be fabulous, and it will feature a Geeks Who Drink quiz.

Evil Rob: We do know it will most definitely not be in January. My mother (who lives in Florida) vowed never to come visit me in the winter ever again.

GWD: Did the post engagement elation give you the confidence you needed to take first, in sudden death no less?

Shannon: My opinion is that if I hadn't spent the rest of the evening in a weird adrenaline rush, and Rob too, we would have won outright rather than having to go into Sudden Death. He let me talk him out of two correct answers in rounds 6 and 8, and our fellow Sex Panther Kyle probably would've kicked Rob's ass for that if it hadn't been a special occasion.

Evil Rob: If anything, it kinda put the pressure on once we hit OT, because as Jason said, who would want to go home and tell their friends they married second place? I think we could have just bombed the quiz and
chalked it up to the occasion, but it might have been a bad omen had we
lost in OT. It was definitely an improvement over the night before at
the Rover, though--I was so nervous I scratched out at least 5-6
correct answers. Maybe more, I really don't know.

GWD: Closing comments?

Shannon: I really just want to thank everyone involved for helping Rob plan such a special way to pop the question -- you're all awesome! And maybe you guys could all start a side business together where you advise other people on cool ways to propose. Geeks Who Propose? I dunno. It's just an idea.

Evil Rob: Shannon's a very special woman, I can't imagine life without her, and I knew she deserved a very special proposal, something uniquely us. It took the help of a lot of good friends to make it happen--I'm so thankful to everyone who participated in this! Kyle--you're a hell of a straight man. Thanks for everything! Russ--every GWD proposal should have an incognito Esposito!

Geeks Who Drink is insanely flattered that Evil Rob and Shannon would share such a big moment of their lives with us. We wish you guys all the best in the world and NO, you can still only joker one round.

Well, that's all the heartwarming posts we can stomach here at Geeks Who Drink. We will now return to our regularly scheduled carnival of sodomy jokes and morally bankrupt banality.

NOTE: More engagement photos to come...

Yes, it's the Geeks Who Get Engaged edition of Geeks Who Drink. I'm still holding out for the chance to propose to someone when Jaws jumps out of the water at Universal Studios a'la Mallrats, but our quiz-force to be reckoned with, Evil Rob, elected to pop the question durning our quiz. Rob took to the mic as our secret guest-quiz master and would lead the crowd at Illegal Pete's through an audio round that began with Metallica's "Am I Evil" and then turned face into some downright sappy love tunes. His motives soon became clear as he popped the "bonus question" to Sex Panther mistress Shannon, receiving a rowdy appluase from everyone.

Bookending the evenings proposal festivities was an absolutely insane quiz and subsequent epic finale. Female celebrities were tonights lock, with the Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra or Nancy Reagan multiple choice round as well as the Ladies of SNL visual round seeing a fair share of perfect scores. Now if you've been coming regularly to Pete's for the quiz you may recognize that we have a lot "every week" teams and so the competion gets fairly heated. Last week I covered the ongoing rivalry between the many variations of Sex Panther and the Fistful of Dullards who were set to play a rubber match. Neither team held sole position of first heading into the final round (that distiction belonged to Fistful castoffs the Short Bus most of the night) and thus my marquee match-up was about to be squashed until a high scoring eight round. both teams jokered the final round launching them into a threeway tie with the unsuspecting dynamic duo of Great Googly Moogly, who made a triumphic return after making quite a showing under a different guise not too long ago.

As was the case just two weeks ago the Dullards folded under the pressure of sudden death overtime while GGM continued to challenge the theory of more people making the difference by matching Premarital Sex Panther's number of correct answers. We had to resort to the Tiebreaker! Both teams over-estimated their calculations of the number of Kinkos and King Soopers here in Denver and so the win went to the lowest bidder, namely Premarital Sex Panther. A storybook ending really because who would want to go home and tell their friends they just agreed to marry second place? Congrads once again to Shannon & Rob.

Premarital Sex Panther: We didn't award them a point for the correct answer of "yes I will marry you," and they thankfully didn't need it to win

Are you Googly or Moogly?

Remember that next week marks the first chance to double-dip your quality time spent with GWD and Illegal Petes. I'll be down at the Park Meadows Petes on Tuesdays and then back at DTC Thursdays. And much to the disappointment of a recent, scandal-icious team, it will not be the same quiz questions.

Premarital Sex Panther      67+4+1
Great Googly Moogly         67+4
Fistful of Dullards         67+2
Courtesy Flush              61
The Short Bus Table         59
Porn Fritters               56
We Work Here                55
Old Noots                   53 
Drunks                      41
Citizens Without Papers     36
McGolccino                  35
Bushwood Country Club       34
The Labia Minoras           30
Da Ugly Kiddz               30
Chilli Willi                28
Dexys Midnight Runners      26

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So it's now been a full month at Illegal Pete's and I imagine the honeymoon period is over. Thus we can now start screaming at each other and telling one another what we really think about our drinking problem. I hope this quiz proved to helpful for a lot people, especially as we examined what is and isn't legal in the state of Colorado. A brief recap: It's okay to carry around a gun and grow roses, but don't try to get naked while riding a horse intoxicated. Now that you know, I'm not bailing you out next time.

Rounds were feast or famine tonight for most teams. Plane crashes are apparently are hard to identify and especially not funny. I even got that errie "is it too soon?" dead silence for a 9/11-related question. I was proud of Kiddie Table, who managed a perfect score on round five, which basically amounted to geography homework and these guys probably were the last the be doing that sort of thing though they totally were more likely to skip class to drink forties on the porch and sniff glue:

No chest hair allowed at the Kiddie Table!

It's not uncommon that bartenders will take a stab at the quiz in between helping us push our livers into submission. It makes you wonder how the various Geek site bartenders would fare against one-another. I'd be putting my money on our resident suds slinger, Thomas, who helped Danny Tanner Is Not Gay jump into a last-minute third place finish.

Dude, Sam Malone's a fucking pussy.

The standings were strangely(?) reminiscent of last week and yet not. Fistful of Dullards and Sex Panther found themselves running neck and neck, albeit with slightly altered teams and equally altered results. These folks were so evenly matched having scored the same amount of points in four rounds including their jokered audio round and the final round. Never Mind the Bollocks it's Sex Panther closed the gap with their knowledge of MTV Cribs, but ultimately it would be Fistful's own perfect visual round that put them on top this week. Mark your calendars for next week's grudge match:

The Dullards: It's good to be on top!

Anarchy in the D.T.C.?

Alright, I'm gonna go send out a search party for the Old Noots. I have a feeling they're probably occupying a downtown cell for exposing themselves. Again.

The Final Scores

Fistful of Dullards          79
Never Mind the Bollocks it's 76
   Sex Panther
Danny Tanner is not Gay      62
Purple Monkey Dishwasher     60
Richard Wackers              53
Cruise                       50
Kiddie Table                 43
Mojo & the Mac               31
McGolbert                    29
Drunks                       25
Los Osos de Chick            20
Eton Beavers                 20
G                            17

With a visual round that featured Mel Gibson, it would only make sense that we'd all get drunk at Illegal Pete's and start calling each other names. As has become the ritual, we broke out the weekend early with an adventurous evening of chaos, competition and Corona in the DTC (nice alliteration, eh). Testing the limits of my vocal cords, we had some technical difficulties with the mixer that led to me shouting out a couple of rounds. I may take one persons advice and start carrying around a bullhorn for such occasions. Well that and the occasional scaring the hell out unsuspecting people.

Thankfully Chris was there to save the day with his own mixer only moments before I was prepared to break out into my own renditions of the redneck anthems that comprised our audio round. You know when you watch VH1 and some grizzled band talks about a roadie with an interesting nickname who according to them was crucial to band's success? That's Chris over at Pete's so when you see him scream "Freebird" or something equally roadie-tastic.

Chris probably owns lots of duct tape too.

Rivalries are quickly coming into vogue with Bitch Tits making a nice showing all the while declaring their goal was to defeat Bomb Suburbia. Meanwhile last week's alluded to rift in the Fistfull of Dullards has given birth to the Cork Soakers. The victor in that match-up played strong enough to take down just about everyone. Almost everyone. Tied for all but one round, Fistfull matched wits with Blood Sugar Sex Panther only to get buried by an unheard of perfect score in sudden death overtime.

Some familiar faces made up this weeks victors. I'm just not sure if he's throwing me a gang sign or playing peek-a-boo.

Lot's of teams are vying to be the Tech Center team to beat. The Old Noots are vying to get the quizmaster drunk and make sexy poses. That will always get your picture on the blog.

Till next week people!

The Final Scores

Blood Sugar Sex Panther     79+5
Fistfull of Dullards        79+2
Bitch Tits                  66
Bomb Suburbia               63
Lazlo Panaflex              63
Cork Soakers                62
Old Noots                   60
Kiddie Table                54
Badger                      52
East Coast Assholes         44
Just because some watery tart  29
  up and threw a sword at her

Fistfull was short one their players and came up just short in the standings. One would imagine he'll never hear the end of it tomorrow.

I thought they were filming the sequel to Beerfest by the quiz table, but it turned out those booze and hijinks were just the Bitch Tits.

Our third week together at Illegal Pete's was a lot more memorable than some of the bad sitcoms that gave most of our teams a hard time early on. Now what makes the quiz as Pete's so memorable you may ask? Why it's the uncanny regularity of skin exposure each week...

Tired of finishing in the middle of the pack for a third week, I suggested to Old Noots spokeswoman Jamie that they may need to start a recruitment drive for a team ringer. When asked what the Old Noots would have to offer any aspiring know-it-alls, Jamie struck this pose:

Hello PG-13

Yeah. The quiz in DTC...sorta like the Paper Tiger with burritos. Two teams surprisingly were able to maintain their composure during the usual debachery, running neck and neck while looking to capture the victory. Lazlo Panaflex teased the Dullards early on, only to pull away at the very end.

Tabasco and beer are like the Wheaties of quiz champions.

The Final Scores

Lazlo Panaflex                      77
Fistfull of Dullards                67
Punish Your Liver                   57
Helen                               55
Jack Tot2ky                         46
Old Noots                           40
We're Too Slow                      39
Kiddie Table                        37
None of you can fucking park        30
Purple Helmet                       27
Shredmaster                         26

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