Round one, question one and a half: who’s going to get me a fruity rum drink from Ruthie? Just tell her Loki needs his fruity rum drink. She’ll know what to do. Thank you.

During the Metallica round, I had to confess I had NO metal on my ipod. Luckily Tony brought me his MP3 player. When he arrived at the Quizmaster podium, I cautioned: don’t look at the screen. He said,
"I don’t need to. I already know all the answers. It’s metal!"

Bear in mind that Tony is a mamber of the losingest team in the room. Here was their moment to shine. That’s usually the case with metal heads, isn’t it? Used to losing, with an occasional moment to shine (usually during a zombie apocalypse or other cataclsysmic moment). Metal up yer ass!!! Aargh. But use lube. Really. Before putting metal up your ass. Lube. His team didn't lose tonight, but only because they left early to attend a birthday party.

Stay tuned Geeks for important updates from the Commanders in Geeks. Pertinent news on the horizon.
Much love,
- Loki

And now, let's look at this Thursday's photos:

Tonight's winners: You Can Put Lipstick on a Fishtick but you Can't Make it Swim

The Scores:
You Can Put Lipstick on a Fishtick 
     but you Can't Make it Swim	       	65
Fuck the Lamp	  	                62
Nipple Confusion		        62
The "Sea Ward"		                62
Justice League		                60
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers		26
Gumby		                        21
Puce		                        18
Snickle Fritz	                        17
Tres Chicas		                14
Too Drunk to Fuck		        12

Congrats Bing: the winningest email bonus prize champ of all time.

It was a mellow, friendly Tuesday. The "Duh! History" round was insultingly easy. On the Czechoslovakia question, someone asked if spelling counts. Given the level of these questions, I figured if team members had a pulse and could hold a pencil, they'd get the point.

The "Who's Your Daddy" audio round was fun, but after listening to Korn I always feel like I need to take a shower and turn on the lights. The band makes me feel like I’m covered in spiders and black paint.

We had a flop on the Disney round bonus question when no one knew the new CEO's name. So instead I asked about the hack who appropriated Aristote’s poetics, invented plot points, and created the prescribed formula that has kept Disney schlocky and predictable from the Little Mermaid forward. No one knew that either. (Incidentally, it's Sid Field. Blame him.) Finally, scrambling for a Disney related question, I asked for the title of the Michal Jackson 3-D film that played in tomorrow land (you know, the "futuristic" wing that looks remarkably out of date). Captain Eo.

I think one of the so-called pests was incorrectly named. The question should instead read: what noble, selfless, critter has repeatedly brought down the NASDAQ? It's your friend and mine: the squirrel! I was glad to finally get to see how Madonna really feels about herself: she's a cockroach.

One Geek asked if he could get extra points for naming all the SIMs Packs. Sorry. No extra points here. But I told him that if could name all of them, I’d give him a hi five. But cautioned that we should take care to put on safety goggles first, because hi-fiving Geeks can easily get out of hand.

Thanks Autumn for shooting tonight's pictures. (And thanks for accidentally uploading three months worth of hot, summer fun from your camera!)

Skin Singles are better than skin shingles!


The Self Help Cassettes


Sing: B-A-R. A-C-K. O-B-A-M-A.
Barackateers!


Chairman Meow Sans Meow


Yer Mom came too late to compete properly, but that didn't stop them from trying for one point. (Here they are pictured w/o Autumn, who is behind the camera).


Tonight's real losers: Thundercats Ho!





Tonight's Winning Team: Super-robo-bear-supreme-rainbow-death-squad

The Scores:

Super-robo-bear-supreme-rainbow-death-squad	68
Barackateers!	                                61
Self Help Cassettes	                        51
Chairman Meow sans Meow	                        44
Skin Singles	                                28
Thundercats…	                                24
Yer Mom	                                         1

Congratulations Jon on your email prize win. We'll see you again, next time you're in town.

I don't know if we set a record. but there were alot of people at Catacombs last night. We'll let the pictures do the talking today.

It was crowded.

very very...

crowded





















What's more loveable than Scabby Kittens?




Tonight's winners: Mother Fu***ing Onion Rings!

Congratulations David on the email bonus prize win.

The Scores:

Mother Fuckin' Onion Rings	        69
Elephants in Rehab Backdoor Dogpile	63
Bret Michaels is My CoPilot	        62
Scabby Kittens	                        59
Bicicleta del Muerte	                59
McCain's Big Black Dick	                58
IGTS	                                45
Avocadoes	                        44
Drunk King George	                41
Sweet Giant Sloth of the Planet Hoth	28
Better than We Look	                28
Great Lion of Zion	                27
Les Quizerables	                        19
Allegtraennett	                        13
Tar Heels	                        12
The Governator	                         7

Class struggle was in the air. Not only was it the theme of many questions/rounds, this spirit was manifest in tonight's losing team's name. Hopefully we can take it as a sign that the nation is ready for a progressive swing toward populism.

The Healing Vibrations of Dolphins   65
Sweet Yeti of the Serengeti	     58
By the Power of Greyskull	     52
Oxymorons	                     46
The Proletariat Sex Revolution	     31
It's on Me (No, Really, it's on You) 25
Sh***y Sh***y Buttholes	              7

Tonight's losing team: The Proletariat Sex Revolution. Because everyone looses when you eliminate an entire demographic from the copulation pool. Didn't you people ever hear the old addage: f**k the rich?


Pete and Meagan are getting a little too cool for Boulder.


As the old addage goes, By the Power of Greskull... I have the power. Even as a 2nd grader, I found that particular invocation to be redundant.


What kind of morons? Oxymorons, that's what!


What could be sweeter than Sweet Yeti of the Serengeti?


Collecting free drink tickets makes everyone happy.


Sign up for the email bonus prize and be a happy camper like tonight's winner.


Never underestimate The Healing Vibrations of Dolphins. (I felt compelled to point out to tonight's winning team that "gesticulations" or "undulations" would be more appropriate.)

I finally replaced my camera, with a spiffy new 10 megapixel number. Now I've just got to figure out how to use it. Please pardon today's petite photos. I'm also in the process of moving, so comments will be kept to a minimum. Enjoy the photos.

Once, twice, three times a loser. Totally Awesome Alabama Liquid Snake promises they will win any round dedicated to Metalacolypse.








KFC Famous Bowls




Third place team, by a hair: DNC Backdoor Dogpile


Another hairs-breadth up to second place: Smell the Glove


Go on, smell it. (Thanks Tina.) This is so easily on my top three all-time favorite Spinal Tap Albums.


And, one more point up to tonight's winners:
AAaah1! Demzilla!

Aaah! Demzilla!	        64
Smell the Glove	        63
DNC Back-Door Dogpile	62
KFC Famous Bowls	59
Mastodon't	        53
Superglued Dirt	        51
The Color of Monkey	30
Partridge Family	28
Totally Awesome Alabama 
  Liquid Snake	        24
Joey Lawrence Haircut	21
La Pplace Transformers	16

Will: winner of tonight's sponsored email bonus prize--delicious and nutritious Bacon Beans.
Will was kind (or cruel) enough to let me sample his win.
A fouler confection I never ate!

I enjoyed tonight's round two. And thankfully, at least one team knew that Procol Harem’s got a big organ.

For those who had trouble with this round, I advised them to look at Jessie's dress--a very groovy, swirly piece of sixties apparel. (As you'll see in the photos below.)

If You Go to San Francisco, be sure to put an affectation of a stereotype behind your ear. Everyone knows the song, but who knows Scott Mckenzie? And who was he? A hippie poseur extraordinaire, and a late-coming, band wagon exploiter of the San Fran scene. He was a former member of The Journeymen, for petesake!

I hope you enjoyed learning about the some of the prominent morons who make up the anti-science cult of America. The usual Geek's, as always, were irritated to have a sports question appear in this round. But it was NOT a sports question: it was a dumb jock question. Because Carl Everett of the Boston Red Sox thinks scientists have nothing better to do than create fake dinosaur bones in order to trip people up and send them tumbling down the devil's stair. Jackass!

When I announced we had a question about pornographic films, the Geeks cheered. When I mentioned the film in question was Mel Gibson’s snuff flick, the Passion of the Christ, there were groans.

Sweet Tits vs. Snuff Flicks
While we're on the unpleasant topic of Mel Gibson, we can all agree he's pretty much a pig for calling an arresting officer of the law "Sugar Tits." However, I think we should all find it much less offensive than the fact that he made "The Passion of the Christ." Why? Reflect on this: sugar and tits never did nobody no harm, no how. Now compare that sugary comment to the act of painstakingly recreating hours of torture, bloodshed and cruelty in celebration of 2000 years of hate-mongering and indoctrination. So I ask you, which is truly the bigger offense?

Tonight's Scores

Even without the Bladder, We've got the Gall	67
Mastodon	                                67
Catholic Guilt	                                58
What Would NPH Do?	                        58
Testicles and Semicolons	                55
Underground Ruthless Rayon	                54
Pro… Crastin… ation	                        53
Intentionally Left Blank	                53
QWERTY	                                        53
Kevorkian, Jack Daniels, and a Clothes Hanger	31

Last week, these boys were Hung Like Jesus. This week, all they needed was Kevorkian, Jack Daniels, and a Clothes Hanger And you can see what it got them? A free round of last place drink tickets.


The question on everyone's lips: What WOULD Neil Patrick Harris Do?




Catholic Guilt dies hard. But fancy hats help take away some of the pain.









Will is about to admire Jessie's... dress. The little sixties number I warned you about in my preamble.


And speaking of fabulous frocks (I do love that stripy number) Mastodon almost won it tonight, in a tie for first.


But they were outstripped at the last by Even Without the Bladder, We've Got the Gall and their superior knowledge of Sean Connery films.

Be a winner!

A pocket protector is a handy thing to have on hand. Every Geek should have one. And YOU TO can have the chance to WIN one of your OWN. Just sign up for the email bonus prize already. Geeze.

And so, my hunt for a new home continues. And my camera is still broken. And my laptop has reached it's capacity limit, prompting programs to freeze and crash until I can shell out for a new external hard drive. It's been an ugly sort of a harrowing week. But, as always, the comradery of Geeks and the medicinal properties of beer have kept me on keel. At long last, I have photos from Thursday's borrowed camera uploaded. Let us begin the slide show there, and then progress to the photos from last night's quiz.

(If you know of any affordable living situations in Boulder or Denver with character, charm, and some natural light, let me know.)

My personal favorite: these boys are Hung Like Jesus.





















Will won the email bonus prize: a smoking baby.

Tonight's happy losers.


Congratulations Jessica: you are the proud owner of a tin of delicious Bacon Beans.

Tuesday's scores will be posted as soon as I can get Excel to open without crashing. Thanks for your patience.

And without further ado, here are the scores from Tuesday's quiz:

US Grant	         58
Hung Like Jesus	         53
Tea Bagger Vance	 50
42 Fucking Midgets	 43
The Brave Little Toaster 24
Back by the Cow	         24
Team Awesome	         24
Candy Mountain	         12

It was another crowded night at Catacombs. And I was glad to see the return of some familiar faces.

If you smiled ear-to-ear within the first three seconds of "The Rainbow Connection," during round two: I love you. The rest of y’all, I'm not so sure about.

Concerning a round four question, the all female gym is not called "Bitch Bodies by Estrogym." When faced with an answer of that caliber, one generally need look no farther than a table full of guys in baseball caps.

[Photos will be forthcoming. I have to trouble shoot a new camera that is on loan until I can afford a replacement of my own.]

Bad Jokes from the Minds of 5-Year-olds	 67
Ballz/Olympic (it's a drawing of the 
     Olympic insignia, covered 
     in scraggly hairs, get it?)         62
Obama and Garfunkle	                 56
35 Points or Bust	                 56
Comrade Squirrels Over Tblisi	         56
Nakey Nakes	                         55
No, There's 2 o's in Goose, Boys	 51
Red and Purppple Don't Match	         45
E=MC Hammer Pants	                 43
Fuck Tusk-who starts trivia at 7ppm?	 39
Raging Drunk Jesus	                 31
Dick and Jane	                         25
2 Chicks and a Dude	                 25
I heart Ivan Drago	                 21

My camera got sick last night. I turned it on and it wouldn't take a photo. So I turned it off. The lens retracted, then re-openend. It made a whizzing, buzzing sound. Then it beeped. It will not close.

I asked for audience assistance and one of the gals from Shockers/T-Baggers agreed to take photos with her camera. Bless her heart. Or so I thought. As the evening progressed, she periodically lilted over to show me her work. Amidst the expected photos of Geek teams, she had also managed to capture several shots of full-rear nudity around the rest of the bar. Evidently she works for NASA. Evidently she also likes to drink. Shortly before the quiz ended, the gal was nowhere to be found. So for today, please fill in the photo blanks with creations from your mind. Tuesday I'll have a working camera of my own, and never again rely upon the promised kindness of scientists.

I added a questions to tonight's round 1. Question number 9: and you can shout out the answer on this one: should I move to Denver where rents are cheaper and real people live? Or should I stay in the Boulder Bubble where everyone is perpetually 24 or under?

Asked one regular Geek, "I thought you were moving to London."

"No. But thank you for pouring lemon juice in that wound. She’s moving to London. I’m staying."

At which point Seth offered hugs. Thank you Seth

By show of hands. Denver got two votes.
The Boulder vote was the rest of the room.

But since these voters are all deeply entrenched in the bubble. I may have to widen the pool. Should I spend another year in Neverland? Or get out? It's confusing.

Nipple Conufusion
Apparently this is the term for the condition that results when a parent introduces the bottle too early. I wonder how it manifests?

SPERM
Tonight we learned a lot about sperm. Wouldn’t you love to be the scientist collecting this data? For instance, it's true, that sperm serves as an anti-depressent. When taken how, I wonder. Orally? Vaginally? Rectally? Can we please get some answers here?

We were disappointed not to see a question about the caloric value of the rich substance.

We also learned, by inference, that if you want to reduce your risk of pregnancy, you could consider f***ing fat, drug-abusing, smokers. Make that tan, fat, drug-abusing, smokers… in the morning. (This comment has NOT been approved by Planned Parenthood nor the FDA.)

On the spot BONUS QUESTION:
Nobody knew the sperm quote from the film The Right Stuff (not even our gals from NASA) and so I found myself perplexedly wracking my brain, trying to recall a nugget of knowledge from my days of sexual health training. Having been raised by a mom who worked for Planned Parenthood and the AIDS foundation, sexual health training occupied the period of life roughly from birth until I moved to college. I couldn't come up with a single, good question. And so I retreated to the place I always go, especially when perplexed by questions of sexuality and reproductive health: Music. Cueing up the song Here Comes your Man, I called out: who sings this song? The Pixies.

Blurry evidence that our winning team, Where's the Other Half of that Bull, had a camera phone.

Where's the Other half of that Bull?	          72
Cobbler Gobblers	                          71
Who Needs a Cat, A Good Person Only,
  the Cat is Cute but We Are Alergic, 
  Just Take the Cat!                  	          67
We Have an iphone and We're Not Afraid to use it  65
Nipple Confusion	                          64
Asphalt Blues	                                  57
Shockers /  T-baggers	                          43
I think I Shit my Pants	                          37