Happy Independence day. While I pledge no allegiance to a flag, I do pledge vigilance to The Constitution of the USA. It's worth a lot more than any piece of striped fabric. With that in mind, we had a swell quiz last night, packed with freedom hungry patrons, ready to celebrate. A good time was had by all. But before I report on last night's quiz: I have a few thoughts for the day.

As the stirrings of would-be theocrats threaten our religious independence in America, claiming that we should "return" to some imagined "Christian roots," I find strength pondering the very explicit writings of Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. I hope you do too. Below is a sample. Happy 4th of July! Oh, and remember, the Pledge of Allegiance was written by a socialist Baptist minister in 1892, not by the founders of the nation. The words "under God" weren't added until 1954!

Now, on to last night's quiz notes.

I have to apologize about the wording of one question. "What did the Romans call caniculares dies?" Well, the romans probably called them caniculares dies. But WE might call them "dog days." Thanks for your patience.

I was horrified to see a whole round on dinosaurs because dinosaurs never existed. Their fossil record was planted by gawd to test your faith. (Disclaimer: the previous viewpoint was my attempt to honor the views of F*ing Dumbf*s. I’m referring of course to fundamentalist Christians.)

Finally, be glad Led Zeppelin didn't heed Keith Moon's advice. And here's my parting advice for you: If you always never follow keith moon’s advice, you’re living right.

The Scores

HMS Pff n Stuff	                     80
Kevin Philips Boooong	             74
Steve 	                             66
We Ride the Back of the Bus	     59
What's our Team Name?!	             57
Jarrp!	                             54
Ninja Warrior	                     49
Freedom and the John Hancock	     40
Fire Lances of the Hyperzepphyreans  38
Smack Puppies	                     31
Trust the Rubber	             25
Olives and Vodka	              7

Congratulations Jess on your email bonus prize win.

A lively evening with victories both big and small. First we had parking nazis protecting our lot from the folks at a certain establishment and then you had another birthday-fueled victory. No Jazz Hands, No Ring! rightfully noted losing to birthday parties in back to back weeks. This one was in fact a tie that lead to sudden death and was affected by my personal affection of the video game world.

For their victory pose, OMG Birthday Onion Son decided to go with the always fun jumping pose, which had sadly fallen out of vogue since teen-oriented shows in the eighties. Can't you just sense the energy, excitement and inhibition those shows stood for...

Now if you having an upcoming birthday, I'd steer clear of DTC next week as I'm fairly certain Rob and Shannon have no intention of settling for second another week. Last week they were all jazz hands and after this week those hands will be raised in a fist as they declare that such and such won't stand.

And very quietly sneaking into third place was What Would Jesus Joker who are curiously knitting sweaters in the summer. Perhaps they also watched lots of eighties children shows and have adopted the oft-used cartoon plot of villainy in aiming to freeze the world with some bizarre device.

Alright folks, it's Fourth of July and I already have a hangover from last night's karaoke excursion and so while I often joke that pictures are filler for the blog so I can write less, this week I'm going to follow through on that. Here are more teams that "were also not in last place."

Touche on the team name btw

the SCORE

OMG Birthday Onion Son        61 +4
No Jazz Hands, No Ring!       61
What Would Jesus Joker        56
Shit Kickers                  55
Going Dutch                   54
The Warm Thrill of Confusion  52
Toast                         51
Your Uncle Molests Collies    48
Whatever                      24

Sorry Greenfields, but Emilio was out again tonight. He got shipped off to a charm school back east. The good news is, there's no way he'll miss another quiz. He's going to scratch the "C" off the sign outside the school, jump the fence, and hop a train, and he guarantees he'll be "in that spot" next week.

Happy Birthday to Mandy. I'm pretty certain that was the most Madonna ever played at a quiz, and all for you. We SUK! went big tonight with a new attitude and a new name to match. Their new and improved birthday model, We Will not SUK!!! (tonight), came on strong and proved correct, as they came in a smooth second.

Tonight we had a birthday party, some difficult rounds that earned me a roomful of stank-eyes, and a new power team of sibling warriors come to take the prize. There was tight competition right up to the end. After Round 7, there was a two point spread between first and third, and it looked like we might need to take it out to the streets for a round of Ro-Sham-Bo, but C & C & E fired off an 8th Round Rocket to blast into first.

Here's SOME of our champions:

You just keep on pushing my love
over the SCORE-derline:

C & C & E                           57
We Will not SUK!!! (Tonight)        48
Most People Call me Jim             47 
G J 2                               26

I broke the cardinal rule of quizmastering tonight...I forgot my camera. Suck it Krista. You asshole. OK - I got that out of the way, now down to the nitty gritty. There was so much going on, I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with the birthday celebration. Michael decided to spend his birthday at the pub quiz and I have to say it kept things interesting. At one point during the night I saw some commotion going on in the corner of my eyes - pictures were being taken, but my view was obstructed by a pillar, but the server told be he was getting a blow job...or giving a blow job - either way the table was having some fun.
I knew this party was going to happen so I brought some candy - the lazy persons cake.

The next thing that happened tonight - it almost came to blows! I had to break up a fight. It was only a fight of words, but still, faces were pretty close to each other. It was pretty intense for awhile. Basically one of the teams was seen using an iPhone. I hadn't noticed because of my angle but the other team had and they let me know. Then they decided to also let the cheaty team know they had been seen. Then a cheaty team member went over to the other team and had some words and that's when I had to tell everyone to settle down. Crazytown. For the record - you can't use an iPhone, or a computer, or any other method of finding the answers other than your BRAINS. I mean, you can use it, but I won't let you win and other teams will get mad and probably key your car in the parking lot.

final SCORES!

Kuwait Nomads                               56
Uber Paco                                   55
She Said it was Razor Burn                  55
Mike's Nursing Home Send Off Party          53
Bad Robot                                   42
ABC Team                                    11

It was a tough quiz tonight, especially with the Rockies game going on in the background. Damn parking goes from $5 in the lot of $30. How can that be legal? Side note - you know who I love - the one-eyed eye patch pedicab driver. Have you seen him around town? He also wears glasses. I was questioning if he really needed the eye patch - after careful consideration my answer is - yes. If you know him and I'm wrong, I would like to know so if I see him again around town I can call him out on it - using my outside voice.

Anyway, we had one team that played along but never turned in their answer sheets, what's with that? Anti competition? Scared of success? Really dumb and embarrassed about it? Compelling.

I finally got to meet our one-man team of Bad Robot - dude does pretty well for being on his own. In the future I think I could talk him into buying me shots and then we could hang out, I'd slur my words and we could talk about go-go juice and his arrest record. Awe-some.

Practically too much went on last at McCabe's for me to do it justice. Lots of good-natured trash talking, lots of jokes being cracked, and the balcony is open in all its glory. We had a birthday party, Borracha!! who played the quiz, and they erupted in ear-piercing bedlam everytime they got a question, which was infrequent enough that it didn't cease to be entertaining. Also we had a team, Rub Her Inner Tubing, win after going into Round 8 TWENTY-TWO POINTS DOWN. Plus my Rays swept the Red Sox!

Regardless of whether they win or not, there are few things more entertaining at a pub quiz than a birthday party.

It's a pretty heated rivalry between Literally Illiterate and John L.'s team, which you'll see in the photo below...

And in 3rd, God's Middle Finger

In 2nd, What Would Jesus Joker? BTW Shannon, Heidi says she agrees with you that the Harry Potter round was too easy. I on the other hand, would have made like team 'Spiracy and quit the quiz once the topic was announced. Unless of course Shannon was on my team.

And pulling off the biggest Round 8 comeback I've EVER witnessed, Rub Her Inner Tubing. In this photo it looks like the inner tubing is being rubbed by God's Middle Finger.

And to top it all off, I can now officially go to the Trop with a broom in hand without being ironic!

YOUR SCORES:

Rub Her Inner Tubing                        67
What Would Jesus Joker?                     64
God's Middle Finger                         60
Literally Illiterate                        41
Borracha!!                                  38
Fighting Sandals                            30
Linda & Gene                                16
'Spiracy                                    16
Squirrel Piss                               11

Seriously, you guys are awesome and I had a blast last night. I'm even considering coughing up the E-470 tolls to come out and play the quiz with you guys next week. Evil Rob out!

Smooth sailing last night. Every one was preparing for the long weekend so it was pretty chill. I would have to say I still had a great time. That might be blamed on the fact that I gave blood before drinking a couple beers but who knows.

Thanks to Aimee the birthday girl for delicious cupcake. It was quite tasty.

There was a great team name last night I Fucked Your Sister And All I Got Was This Lousy Kid. That name had me rolling all night.

There were some pretty good answers last night. Hey Dude was not the TV that had a character named Summer Roberts. Leeks and polenta look nothing alike. A Star Anise should not be confused with rangoons or dried starfish. Metamorphmagus Tanks' first name was not Dirty Sanchez. I realize that a lot of you are not NASCAR fans but I do appreciate you answering the questions with FUCK THIS QUESTION (FUCK IT GENTLY). The gently part really made all the difference.

Scoring was all over the place since no one jokered round two. This Isn't Ironic had the strongest finish and took the cake.

This Isn't Ironic                                     65
Mr. F                                                 61
Natalie Portman's Shaved Head                         58
Assclown Wonder Twins                                 48
Our iPhones Are Smarter Than Your Blackberrys         45
I Fucked Your Sister & All I Got Was This Lousy Kid   43
Meat Blankets                                         41
Nothing A Few Beers Can't Fix                         38
Kommana Wana Leiya                                    24
Dingle                                                22

Enjoy the weekend, be safe, and no forest fires.

Hoo-boy, another huge quiz at McCabe's. Man, what a hootenanny. What a fête. What a kookypalooza. Indeed.

Anyway, Camryn Mannheim Steamroller won again. Like, a lot. They pretty much thrashed the snot out of everybody else in the room and I sat back and did nothing because I am afraid of their geekery.

There were a ton of regulars mixed in with the many newbies. Some of said newbies were swindled by me into buying shots for the quizmaster, based on the nontruth that buying me shots would lubricate their victory. Haha! That's like the oldest trick in the book!

Yay for the Harry Potter round, even if it did cost me a—ahem—NINE DOLLAR MARTINI. My contrition has a price, and that price is nine dollars. Kudos to the team who didn't get like any of those right, but instead just wrote down "WALL-E" for each answer. Yes, WALL-E is adorable. I love you, too.

I'm going to show you a lot of pictures now, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

Camryn Mannheim Steamroller        87
3+1=5                              72
Glory Haggards                     66
Nerd Force 20/20                   65
The Hymen Harem                    65
Brainiac 5                         63
Harlock's Elite                    63
SanBaxHurtsOats                    62
Jeopardy Style: Redneck-something-
or-other-that-I-didn't-write-down  56
That's One Fantastic Ass!          55
J3Turbo                            55
3 Beers and a Brain                54
Loraxes                            50
Cake or Death                      50
Listerfiends                       50
Bucky Kentucky                     44
Screwbirds                         40
All Things Weird                   39
Legend-O                           35
Bobby                              30
KJ                                 24

Last night's quiz was a wild collection of the absolute random. There was something for everyone there, leaving some people angry, but most with a sense of satisfaction that they got something right. We started with a round on summer, leaving quite a few of you in a haze of summers gone by. By the way, if you haven't seen Wet Hot American Summer, go see it now. Right now!

Sugar Tits & The Mud Wrestlers displaying their varying amounts of insanity that I am in no way response for

You guys brought back the pain with ROUND 2 - In the land before digital cameras. I love it when we get to burden your ear drums with some Huey Lewis And The News. Judas Priest vs Ron Jermey in our multiple choice round proved super hard for all of you (no pun intended). Turn's out that Ron Jeremy has a subtlety in his Porno names, whereas Rob Halford really doesn't in his song titles. New Jack Swing Music brought back the best or worst of your early 90's memories. It's not too often we have perfect 8's and 0's on the same round.

Team Sloppy Seconds…& Thirds, Fourths, Fifths, Sixths - makes you wonder what sort of freaky things they're all doing after quiz, and in what order...

Then we brought out the nerd guns. The children fantasy book nerd guns. Harry Potter and Nothing But was met with the same mixed atmosphere that the rest of the quiz was. Round 7, breakfast cereals was the one round that everyone did the same on - poorly. That's okay though, because now we love that maple taste. IT'S COOL! Was that really all it took to get kid's to eat breakfast in the '80s? A shirtless black bodybuilder with feathers from his ears saying to a gymnastics team, "It's Cool." Man... what was wrong with me...

HA! I Pushed Down The Lady That's Fallen and Can't Get Up has won like the last 4 O'Niell's Bonus E-mail Questions - GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Occasionally many teams ride the wave and fall hard during round 8, and others do the exact opposite. That happened last night. Round 8 brought us the quiz equivalents of a photo finish, proving that questions about NASCAR, Latvia, Snakes on a Plane, Barbara Boxer, and SPINAL TAP!! was really the forté of some folks. Our top teams last night all thought they were out of the winnings, but came back with a vengence to bask in their newfound glory, one of whom proudly proclaiming, "We're Back!" Yes, yes you are, my sweet victors of quiz. And without further ado, or Fernando putting his junk in a box, the winners of quiz:

Third Place
A $900 Six Legged Rainbow Lizard - What The Fuck's Up With That Shit?

Second Place
Critical Drinking

First Place
Caucasian Rubbish

Remember that in one week we'll have a new 6 week QUIZ FOR CASH! on sunday nights and that on the 23rd, we'll be having our quiz mixer, allowing you to meet new people and get rewards for doing so (that may or may not be sexual in nature, but bank on the latter). See you next week, quizlings!

SCORES!

Caucasian Rubbish                               	70
Critical Drinking                                 	69
A $900 Six Legged Rainbow Lizard - 
              What The Fuck's Up With That Shit?	67
It's Marky's Birthday - Someone Drink His Milkshake	66
Sloppy Seconds…& Thirds, Fourths, Fifths, Sixths	64
The Oral-B-Reacharound                          	64
Misunderstood Gay Devo                          	63
Sugar Tits & The Mud Wrestlers                  	62
I'm Rich and Single Come See Me at Table 10      	60
Fighting Mongooses                              	59
I Hate Stellios                                 	57
Freudien Slip                                   	54
Let Me Tell You Something About a Porcupine's Balls	53
Cranberries                                     	51
Bob Dole                                           	48
HA! I Pushed Down The Lady 
                  That's Fallen and Can't Get Up	48
Take the Skin Boat to Tuna Town                  	37
We Could Take 1st But We Have Lives                 	36
Four Babes and A Stud                             	32
Clare's Apt.                                     	30
FoxFire	                                                24
The Dukes of Hazard                               	18

You may recognize our friend Adam Cayton-Holland from such Geeks Who Drink appearances as: Geek Bowl 2007, and Geek Bowl 2008. The Westword "What's So Funny?" author and ringleader of the monthly Los Comicos Super Hilariosos is filming his first comedy DVD. This is the ticket to get.