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Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
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12:04 PM, December 18, 2014
Scores
Crack Suicide Squad 85

Tequila Mockingbird 78

Things you hear in a whorehouse 76

Fuck you, Wes 76

Back Porch Philosophers 75

Poor man's cheese 75

Craigslist hook-ups 74

Aight at best 73

Trivia Wonder Super Friends 72

Beef Hole 71

Hung like Robin Williams 68

Sex Pistols 67

Victor Vaughn's Doombots 67

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder 66

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 66

We're Screwed 65

Veto 65

Fuck it, Insert witty name here 62

We're going to Cuba! 61

Smegma 58

Neandrathals 57

Switchblade 57

We're so screwed 57

Scrumdiddlyumptious 53

Jeff Goldblum gave Andrew Luck AIDS 52

The Flaming codpiece 51

Scrooge McDuck 51

Sharknado 49

Bio Babes 37

Aussie S.W.A.T. 36

Doctor Nick: Thymelord


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Quiz Schedule
Sundays & Wednesdays: Piper Down 7:30pm.
Nick (Doctor Nick: Thymelord)

Nick is one of the rare people who was born in Las Vegas long before it became Disneyland for degenerates. His growing discomfort for heat, and ongoing feud with some Canadian boy named Celine Dion led him to the land of Zion. Upon discovering this wasn't the same land of Zion mentioned in The Matrix, he decided to make the best of the situation and began hosting pub quizzes. 

His hobbies include drinking, eating, teaching children to swear, cooking, and being one of the last people on earth who thinks CDs are the only way to buy music. His turnoffs are walks on the beach, because that combines sun, sand, and countless bacterias growing in the moist heat. 

By day he looks at an endless supply of MBA student assignments and weeps for the future. His most recent inappropriate comment to a student was, "I could take your business proposal to run an armoury for Live-Action-Role-Players seriously if it wasn't for the 793 grammatical errors which impeded my giggling."

He's not a licensed therapist, but he's happy to take a look inside your head and solve your problems. Better yet, come out to a quiz and drink your troubles away.

[this space available for expensive advertisements]

I don't really want to talk about it, but really, you are forcing my hand.

That film that nearly everyone is talking about, should not be spoken of. Not because I am succumbing to the requests of some nation who is allegedly upset about it, but because this whole thing is a giant ruse. You know, like Randall said, “your cunning attempt to trick me.” Sony filmed a bomb, in a manner of speaking. And to cover the impending doom of this film, had to resort to plan B, total annihilation of the film.

And right now you ask, “why would a studio sabotage their own film?” Um... The Producers? (this observation was noted by a fellow QM, and I am going to borrow this metaphor because it hits it right on the nose.) Now, not a perfect example, but it shows the mindset. Make something horrible, take the money and run. But, as opposed to The Producers, in which the two characters took investors' money with no intention of letting the play run, Sony needs this movie to not screen. Why? Insurance. Studios take out insurance policies to save their asses in case something happens, like a lead actor dies, their sets are destroyed, or the film cannot be released. So, allow the film to hit theaters, die quickly, and lose money, or take the insurance claim?

Yeah, they're banking on this.

If that doesn't pan out, or alternatively, they do intend to release it, this little fiasco has bought them so much free advertising. So many people are falling hook, line, and sinker. Suddenly the tone has changed, and people want to see this film because it represents some sort of nonsense freedom expression.

Before this invented crisis, critics were starting to write their reviews. Here are some highlights:

"It essentially uses a major global issue to cheaply dress up what is two hours of hit-and-miss erection jokes."

"The ___ flirts with some fascinating moral and societal subtexts but uses unrelated jokes as a crutch."

Now, this becomes a battle against terrorism, and countless people are posting on Twitter and Facebook that, “I didn't want to see ____, but now I have to see it!”

(Yes, I refuse to actually say the title, because I will not be part of this free publicity for this fucking stunt.)

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?

This is disgusting, and I beg you to not fall for this nonsense. If there truly were terrorists who would threaten us over movies, they would have attacked us for Team America: World Police, Red Dawn, anything endorsed by Anne Coulter, or The Last Airbender. (Seriously, did you see Airbender? Any legitimate terrorist organization would have nuked us over that film. Thus, terrorists don't exist.)

I saw someone post that this "sets a dangerous precident." They are right, but now the way they think. If Sony gets away with this bullshit publicity stunt, what next? Coca-Cola literally sinks the city of Atlanta to get us to drink their new low-calorie soda because of a phony threat that Putin makes over not using sugar? 

Anyways. Unrelated, but the real point of this blog is to say congratulations to Crack Suicide Squad for absolutely kicking ass, and Tequila Mockingbird for their awesome second-place finish.

Now if you excuse me, I am craving Korean food so bad! Off to get some for lunch. Hugs & kisses!

Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
8:58 AM, December 15, 2014
Scores
Because Merica 76

The giving head tree by Kim Kardashian 75

Muppet Anxiety 71

Chad and the sister wives 69

Knock, knock! Who's there? Polish burglar. 65

Dick Bangdana 61

Bananagrams 58

Vigorous mouth-hugs 56

Nice is different than good 51

Rudolph the special needs reindeer 50

The sucking blowfish 50

The Twinkies 49

Lionesses, Tigresses, and bitches, oh my! 46

Team Muff 33

Balloon Knots 28

Bloop 21

Doctor Nick: Thymelord


Twitter
Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Sundays & Wednesdays: Piper Down 7:30pm.
Nick (Doctor Nick: Thymelord)

Nick is one of the rare people who was born in Las Vegas long before it became Disneyland for degenerates. His growing discomfort for heat, and ongoing feud with some Canadian boy named Celine Dion led him to the land of Zion. Upon discovering this wasn't the same land of Zion mentioned in The Matrix, he decided to make the best of the situation and began hosting pub quizzes. 

His hobbies include drinking, eating, teaching children to swear, cooking, and being one of the last people on earth who thinks CDs are the only way to buy music. His turnoffs are walks on the beach, because that combines sun, sand, and countless bacterias growing in the moist heat. 

By day he looks at an endless supply of MBA student assignments and weeps for the future. His most recent inappropriate comment to a student was, "I could take your business proposal to run an armoury for Live-Action-Role-Players seriously if it wasn't for the 793 grammatical errors which impeded my giggling."

He's not a licensed therapist, but he's happy to take a look inside your head and solve your problems. Better yet, come out to a quiz and drink your troubles away.

[this space available for expensive advertisements]

It was time to explore some of the oft-forgotten moments of history, like those lesser-known songs by Journey (not Don't Stop Believing), Coolio (not Gangsta's Paradise), and the entire state of Hawaii. Sure, you think of it as a vacation destination, but have you stopped to consider how it became a state? Of course not. But we also explored the wonders of made-for-TV Christmas movies starring Dean Cain. HE WAS SUPERMAN, YOU KNOW! But seriously, you may be thinking, “if you've seen one Dean Cain Christmas movie, you've seen them all.” Well, there smarty-pants, you are missing the subtle charm of all the terrible clichés that can exist in a single film.

While everyone is constantly up in arms over how much “the internet” is invading their privacy, few remember that we have had some enforcement of those so-called-invasions. In 2012, the FTC (yes, that's a real thing that exists) fined Google $22.5 million for misleading people about cookies. Not in the getting Cookie Monster's hopes up way. No, those little files on your computer which result in hilarious Google Ads based on your searches and email content. $22.5 million! That may seem hefty, but what does this mean for a tech giant like Google? Well, while you have been reading this blog, Google has made somewhere around $110,000 in profit, so take a long gander at the beautiful people in the pictures and they'll have made that money back again.

If only I could give out that size of prize... I'd be the next Ryan Seacrest. Except less annoying. Right?

Tell me you love me!

Anyways, huge congratulations to Because 'Merica! for their win, and The Giving Head Tree by Kim Kardashian for finishing second in this highly-contested night.

Hugs & Kisses!

Piper Down
1492 S State St
Salt Lake City, UT 84115
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
Sundays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:03 PM, December 11, 2014
Scores
Anal Feeding Frenzy 82

Beef Hole 79

Chicks, Dicks, and Old Saint Nick 77

Moneybuns 76

Rent a dildo 76

Back Porch Philosophers 75

Slap and pickle 73

Crack Suicide Squad 73

The devil's waitlisted 73

All about that space, no Tribble 72

Trivia Wonder Super Friends 72

The Wet Bandits 72

Switchblades 71

Tank of America 69

Mangina 69

Dick's Pixx 67

#icantbreathe 66

Dick Bangdana 66

3 girls sucking... on sticks 65

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 65

Drunken Sailors 64

Tito's Buritos 63

4 way Thai 4 63

Tom Hiddleston is my patronus 63

Betty Ford bound and gagged 63

Labial Adhesions 62

Mr. Hankey 62

Hummus Enema 61

Effin C 60

Holidaze 56

Angry Gestures 53

Becker's pecker 51

The jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse 43

Yo mama 23

Doctor Nick: Thymelord


Twitter
Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Sundays & Wednesdays: Piper Down 7:30pm.
Nick (Doctor Nick: Thymelord)

Nick is one of the rare people who was born in Las Vegas long before it became Disneyland for degenerates. His growing discomfort for heat, and ongoing feud with some Canadian boy named Celine Dion led him to the land of Zion. Upon discovering this wasn't the same land of Zion mentioned in The Matrix, he decided to make the best of the situation and began hosting pub quizzes. 

His hobbies include drinking, eating, teaching children to swear, cooking, and being one of the last people on earth who thinks CDs are the only way to buy music. His turnoffs are walks on the beach, because that combines sun, sand, and countless bacterias growing in the moist heat. 

By day he looks at an endless supply of MBA student assignments and weeps for the future. His most recent inappropriate comment to a student was, "I could take your business proposal to run an armoury for Live-Action-Role-Players seriously if it wasn't for the 793 grammatical errors which impeded my giggling."

He's not a licensed therapist, but he's happy to take a look inside your head and solve your problems. Better yet, come out to a quiz and drink your troubles away.

[this space available for expensive advertisements]

TGI Fridays. Let's talk about this for a moment. Admittedly, not the worst food on earth, which is a title well-deserved for Applebee's. But that's not saying much for the case of TGI Fridays. Seriously, no one should eat there. Forget hating on the cheesy décor, the cliché advertising, and the pieces of flair attached to indentured servants whose families are being held hostage in the sex trade (why else would someone actually work there?), the food is quite simply horrible.

Now, making things even more awesome, they're flying drones around the damn restaurants. The irony here, being in my mind, the only people who eat at a TGI Fridays are the same lunatic conspiracy theorists who spend their day complaining about “Obama's drone strikes” yet find it perfectly acceptable to have a fast food chain attacking people through incompetence.

Like you needed another reason to not eat at this chapel of culinary abortions, they have now assaulted a customer in a way other than destroying their digestive system. On one hand, if you eat at a TGI Fridays, you literally deserve bodily harm. But on the other hand...

I just can't fathom why anyone on this earth actually chooses to subject themselves to the horror and inevitable slow death served by striped unwitting assassins.

Which brings me to the question our dear Heather asked so many times last night, “why am I sticky?” Seriously, there were some sticky damn answer sheets all night. You know I don't mind a little bit of your stickiness, but think of the Heather. I don't think you've gotten to know here well enough for that yet.

Anyways, congratulations to Anal Feeding Frenzy for their win. Appropriately enough, I'm pretty sure that summarizes what it is like to eat at TGI Fridays. The mighty mighty Beef Hole came in a close second, and while we're on the topic, I'm pretty sure that is where the forementioned restaurant finds whatever it fries and serves to you.

Hugs and kisses, see you next week!

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