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Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:01 AM, April 17, 2014
Scores
Peeps Show! 78

Matzah Hoople 75

Fiddleheads on the Roof 61

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

When I was young young boy, I would do chores around the house singing in a lovely falsetto to whatever song was playing on top 40 radio. My mother would chuckle at the sounds of me begging for a Dreamlover to “come rescue me” or my yearning for a “lover with a slow hand.”

Once she heard me singing about Jack and Diane “sucking on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freeze,” however, she decided to put a stop to it. This was the moment my whole life changed. Instead of moving me to L.A. or Orlando to become the “cute one” in the next big boy band, she decided my personal well-being was more important. Shame on you, mom.

Beyond boy bands, we had rounds mentioning Seattle resident Amanda Knox, Pizza the Hutt, and a 14-year-old who fucks truck drivers.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Jodie Foster, you may have won an Oscar for your role in “The Accused”, but everyone under 30 is going to only remember you for “Panic Room”. Sorry.
  • Somehow mentioning a rapper in the UK with vertigo problems will cause every single team to write down Dizzy-D (not a real person) instead of the correct Dizzee Rascal (British, so not a real rapper).
  • No one remembers The Osmonds. Not even Marie.

Best Worst Answers:

  • I wish The Backstreet Boys had written a song called “The Wrong Stuff” as a response to NKOTB’s “The Right Stuff”, but alas, they’re not that self-aware, hence, why they continue touring without irony.
  • As everyone knows, Nazis used to march around in “Romper Stompers.”
  • And if Natalie Portman had put on a psychotic smile more in “Garden State”, it would have been a much better picture.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Fiddleheads on the the Roof – No one loves Jewish ferns more.
  • Matzah Hoople – Jewish cuisine prepared for all the young dudes.
  • Peeps Show – And of course, someone had to rep Jesus at quiz by referencing beady-eyed blobs of mallow.

 

Happy Easter! (Hardly know her)

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:34 AM, April 10, 2014
Scores
God Hates Figs 85

Free Sex With Paul Rudd 83

R.I.P. Ultimate Warrior 80

Geeks Who HAIL HYDRA! 76

Obamacare Denied My Heartbleed Claim 72

The Idiot Savants 41

Jared


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

When I was a sprout, my absolute favorite wrestler in the world was The Undertaker. There was a macabre aura about him that couldn’t be found in the braggadocio of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Bret “The Hitman” Hart, or Doink the Clown. And though it was manufactured, his persona resonated with my horror-movie obsessed mind. So hearing about the loss of his streak, as well as the loss of The Ultimate Warrior this week stung a little bit, even though I haven’t cared about wrestling in nearly two decades.

But the spirit of the WWF (I refuse to call it anything else) lives on. It lives on in our quiz every Wednesday night. Teams going toe to toe on the mat. The twists and the turns. Former enemies joining up to take down an even greater foe. Tonight someone even got hit with a folding chair.

I made that last part up. But I fully expect it to happen soon.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • The band that did “Car Wash” and “I Wanna Get Next to You” is called ROSE Royce, not Rolls Royce. That’s how you avoid lawsuits, kids.
  • Lou Pearlman is a disgusting sleazy cad. We didn’t learn that tonight, but it needs to be remembered.

 

Best Worst Answers:

  • One team, who will remain unnamed, confused Hulk Hogan with The Undertaker. How. Dare. You.
  • And we’ll leave it at that. The teams were remarkably competent this week. Except for you guys that just write down the lyrics you hear in the audio round. You’ll catch on someday.

 

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • God Hates Figs - Not just a pun, but an actual biblical truth! Mark 11: 12-14.
  • Geeks Who HAIL HYDRA! – I don’t watch “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, but this team’s enthusiasm in their name is what I’ve been dying for.
  • R.I.P. Ultimate Warrior – Personal politics aside, the man put his body and health on the line for the entertainment of thousands. Snort. 
Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:48 AM, April 03, 2014
Scores
Nice Table, Bro 79

Ric Flair Gun 76

Team Captain America's World Police 67

The Glendale Fitness Authority 60

Poorly Lubricated Fist 57

Glitter Ponies 46

Jared


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Oh, hell, let’s just get into it.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • Calling Benedict Cumberbatch’s fans “Cumberbitches” is offensive. Kind of the way I felt after watching “Star Trek into Darkness”.
  •  Too many people think that Dr. Pepper was a real doctor.
  • Even a pre-pubescent Ryan Gosling can get people to whoop and holler like a “Married with Children” audience.

 

Best Worst Answers:

  • Confusing Gilbert Gottfried with French Stewart is perfectly permissible. And laughable.
  • Things that never ever happen: People confusing Spike Lee with Woody Allen.
  • And multiple teams incorrectly guessed “Win Ben Stein’s Money”. It’s not a terrible answer, it just means that people miss that show. Including yours truly.

 

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Nice Table, Bro – Crusty thieves
  • Poorly Lubricated Fist – A nice reminder that it’s still cold out and we still need to protect against dried, chapped hands. Thanks guys!
  • The Glendale Fitness Authority – They had to explain it to me, but it’s an Upright Citizens Brigade joke, so they get my eternal respect.

 

 

 

 

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