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Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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11:25 PM, November 19, 2014
Scores
Witty Team Name 72

Nana Nana Nana Nana Batman! 68

2 Stoned To Care 66

Shh…Just Let It Happen 65

I Thought This Was Speed Dating 61

Young, Dumb, And Full Of Cumb 58

Kids In The Corner 55

The Ghosts Of Party Marcus 53

Sniggle Snarf 52

Hill Climbers 51

A-Team 42

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

My fellow quizmaster and loyal quiz subject, Chaz, has something to say:

What up, Ozzie’s? I’m hijacking Jared’s computer to come at you from Shh….Just Let It Happen. Yup, it’s none other than Quizmaster Chaz up in this peace. [Ed. Note: Is it “peace” or “piece?” I never know.]

So we had some really awesome rounds tonight, no? Seriously though, what was up with that Fergie question? Who knew that she was a fucking ugly child? I mean puberty did something to that. Dumel, you did good, sir. I kid. By that, I mean I incorporate those kids. If you got that, you’re tall enough to get on this ride.

I’ll be honest, that round three was a little too “not black” for me to know any of those. I mean, where is Vanessa Williams in this bitch? No Janet Jackson? Fuck all that noise. But I’m sure they are all really good, they just came out when I would have to listen to Wheels on the Bus-type of cassette tapes to you know why.

Alright I’m done. Back to Jared, who’s going to actually talk about Quiz and such…

 

Thanks, Chaz. You’re a prince.

What We Learned Tonight:

  • So, “Low Countries” refers to Belgium and the Netherlands, because much of the land is below sea level. Thanks, Encyclopedia Wickittania!
  • Mother’s Day is technically a holiday. Listen, if there’s a greeting card, it’s a holiday.
  • Lassie was mostly played by male “actors”. To paraphrase Jeff Goldblum: “What’re they, going out and lifting the dogs’ skirts?”

Best Worst Answers:

  • So, in the doggie before-and-after round, my favorite creative answer by far was “Christian Greyhound”. There’s some “Fifty Shades of Grey”/colorblind joke that’s escaping me right now.
  • I laughed when one team answered a question about the “godmother of punk” with Cyndi Lauper. Then, when I saw another team had answered with that as well, it occurred to me that it might have been the most punk thing they could’ve written down.
  • When asked for the top-selling albums of all time in the U.S., the amount of teams that incorrectly wrote down “Spice Girls” was staggering. VHS sales, on the other hand…

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • 2 Stoned To Care – How do I know this is true? Only one “2.”
  • I Thought This Was Speed Dating – And with an attitude like that, it never will be.
  • Young, Dumb, And Full of Cumb – Welp, I think we finally reached a winner in the accuracy contest!

See you next Wednesday.

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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12:09 AM, November 13, 2014
Scores
Jeff Gold Blew Me Last Night 78

Cutting Glass with My Nips 76

Kim Kard-ASS-ian 75

Everytime You Yawn, a Ghost Sticks His Dick in Your Mouth 74

Nana Nana Nana Nana Batman! 73

Stupid Smart People 73

Alright Alright Alright 72

525,600 Minutes 68

Probes! 64

DJ Rash 63

Cool Ranch Dude-ritos 60

A Team 44

Jared


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Sobering day today, guys. On the way to quiz, a bag lady rushed past me exclaiming, “You’re not Jesus!” As I walked on, it occurred to me that, yes, perhaps I’m not Jesus. Friends, the thought broke my heart.

But then, as I stepped onto the gum-matted stage at Ozzie’s and took the microphone into my hand, commanding twelve teams, a feeling similar to walking on water washed over me. It was then that I realized the bag lady was correct. I’m not Jesus. I am God.

Twelve teams! Holy mackerel. Quiz is a Fall sport, friends.

The More We Know:

  • Charlie Chaplin wore a bowler hat and Buster Keaton wore a porkpie. Though the people that make me laugh the most wear Wal-Mart fedoras.
  • The Wikipedia page for Clyde Crashcup says that he was on “The Kevin Show” at the top, which isn’t even a real thing. It’s “The Alvin Show”! Get it together Wikipedia.
  • People love David Hasselhoff. Even the mere mention of his name stirred applause. Quiz came to complete halt…just like The ‘Hoff’s career. Heyo!

Best Worst Answers:

  • I’m not upset that a team confused Eve 6 with Everclear, I’m just disappointed that the person who wrote it down was Ozzie’s regular Mark McGrath.
  • I’m almost inspired to start a new spelling category here based on one team that wrote down “Momento” when trying to name Christopher Nolan’s “Memento”. Luckily, they just wrote it down once. Uno Momento. C’mon, that’s funny. Go to hell.
  • Not really best or worst, but just kinda sad: one team wrote down “I hate this game” at the end of a very rough round seven.

Team Name Hall O’ Fame:

  • Kim Kard-ASS-ian – Topical, informative.
  • Alright Alright Alright – I had to take my shirt off every time I read this name.
  • Stupid Smart People – The accurate team name contest rages on!

 

See you next Wednesday.

Ozzie's Seattle
105 W Mercer St
Seattle, WA 98119
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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Comment Now
11:02 PM, November 05, 2014
Scores
The Fig Bang Theory 78

Something Something Something Darkside 72

Jeff Goldblu-Me-Last-Night 70

Sparkle Motion 67

The Cake Is A Lie 66

I Don't Know 63

What Is…Mocha Dick? 63

Trivial Minds 52

Team Dumbass 17

Jared


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday, 7 p.m., Ozzie's
Jared ()

Not so long ago, I was on a team playing quiz and we ruled the school. My personal areas of expertise were both audio rounds, anything involving movies, and American history. One night, I was the only guy in the bar who knew the name of the current prime minister of England.

We placed first almost every week. So often that it became stale and I needed a new challenge. So instead of angering fellow geeks by besting them, I decided I would anger them by doing the asking. So I became a quizmaster and I've been pissing them off ever since.  

Quiz is a sundae. Banana, three scoops, whipped cream, the whole nine. The cherry on top of that sundae? Karaoke. I’m currently listening to someone absolutely kill Eve 6’s “Inside Out”. Up next, my buddy Sarah is going to serenade us with “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman)”. After that, I’m going to eviscerate everyone with my rendition of “Lawyers, Guns, and Money”. The shit has indeed hit the fan. But for now, I’m one of those losers on his laptop in the middle of a bar.

The More We Know:

  • Whoopi Goldberg’s first name does not feature an “e”. She’s a woman, not a cushion, people.
  • Shirley Jones is David Cassidy’s stepmom, which gives me an amazing idea for a Partridge Family reality show reboot.
  • “Tod” means “fox” in Scotland. “Jared” means “fox” worldwide. Ladies…

Best Worst Answers:

  • So, we had a Lenny Kravitz song in round two that multiple people wrote down as Jimi Hendrix. Flash forward to round six when I ask for the quizzical title of Jimi Hendrix’s debut album and someone writes down “Are You Gonna Go My Way?” They’re black. They play guitar. The similarities end there, guys. Come on.
  • You know, there was a time when someone would say “vampire novelist” and everyone would go, “Oh, Anne Rice!” I saw far too many “Stephanie Meyers” tonight. Let’s work on that.
  • The real answer was “Nightcrawler”, but one team wrote “A Lesbian Elf #Hottie.” If a hashtag is ever part of an answer, I’ll strangle myself with the mic cord. Once again, let’s work on this, people.

Team Name Hall of Fame:

  • Team DumbassNot In Last Place has finally been unseated in the most accurate name contest.
  • Jeff Goldblu-Me-Last-Night – Oof, if only…
  • What Is…Mocha Dick? – Any team that can find a way to make me say “Mocha Dick” every week is a team after my own heart. Also, “Mocha Dick” is my nickname at the Starbucks on my block.

See you next Wednesday!

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