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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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10:38 AM, January 21, 2015
Scores
Bubble Pop Electric 73

Image of the Prophet 73

I Rock Mom Jeans 71

Lasagna For One 71

Freedom Costs a Buck-Oh-Five 64

Milk in a Wine Glass 64

State of the Funyun 63

Gonzo Porn Makes a Great Career 62

Martin Luther King Cobra Commander 62

There's an Octopus in ma Pants! 59

You're Not My Friend, You're a Decepticon 59

Do What You Want, What You Want With My Body 58

Monkey with a Firehose 56

The State of the Union 53

Almost Vegan 51

I'm Yellin' Tinder! 47

Deflated Balls 46

Raise Hell Praise Dale 39

Bees? 37

C the C 8

Hoffstradamus


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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

When you think of fears that people have, it’s likely that heights, spiders, snakes, and clowns all pop in your head. Those are all understandably freaky in their own way, but many other people are crippled by fears of more innocuous things that don’t immediately come to mind when you think of “fear-induced paralysis.” If you can’t fathom what I’m talking about, just Youtube search “Maury worst fears.” You’ll see people freak out at peaches, cotton balls, and mustard. It’s amazing.

I realized the other day I have one very specific fear, and it’s kind of related to claustrophobia. I’m generally not opposed to super-confined spaces as you’ll often find me in a mosh pit or music festival horde. However, I recently found out that I am afraid of one particular close-quarters circumstance - being stuck in a fast food drive-thru line.

Visiting McDonald’s on the way home from a late-night show is something I do often, and on this incidental night, I pulled in to make my order. My stomach was practically piloting the vehicle, though, because my brain didn’t exactly want fast food that late. Here’s a bit of the convo between the two:

STOMACH: Oh mannnnnnn, that Snack Wrap looks DOPE. Gonna get some fries, and a sweet tea…

BRAIN: You know, it’s really not that great to eat shitty food this late at night. You shoul—

S: SHUT UP, FOOL! I’m hungry as shit, and you aren’t going to ruin this for me. AGAIN.

B: I’m just saying, man. Ol’ Asshole was pretty upset at us both for putting him through the ringer last time. He was pretty busy all morning.

S: Sorry I’m not sorry, dude. It’s kind of his job.

I place my order at the window, and as I’m waiting in line to pay, I get an epiphany that I simply don’t want to eat fast food. Nothing about it sounded appetizing anymore, and I was too tired to care. It’s like somehow my brain suddenly won over, and the stomach’s wants and needs were silenced. I was free!

Not really.

This drive-thru was a one lane deal that had a brick wall on my right, and the McDonald’s on the left. There was no way out, and I’m locked into my now-decided-against decision. Panic starts to set in. Cars are lining up behind me — reversing out is a no-go. I can’t pull forward because I’d still have to pay, and then I’m left with food I’m longer motivated to eat. I am now the two fingers in a Chinese finger trap, and they aren’t getting out.

If you think I made it out of the line without getting my food, you’re wrong. I just pulled up to the payment window with tears streaming down my face wailing, “THERE’S NO ESCAPE!” The lady at the register says, “You’re preaching to the choir, baby” and hands me my change. It was the saddest Snack Wrap I’ve ever purchased.

—————————————————

Two teams tied for the top spot, and we settled it like we always do - a dance battle. A representative from Bubble Pop Electric and Image of the Prophet came up to dance their asses off. Well, not so much “dance” as it was “move each of their bodies around awkwardly while everyone watched.” It didn’t matter, though, as the dance battle newbie from Bubble Pop dad-danced his way to the first place finish. Well done, I guess?

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Despite what one team thinks, “Iraqistan” is not a real country.

- Now that you mention it, Pandora does look a lot like James Cameron’s buttonhole.

- Dick Poop.

- The various ranks of the KKK sound like the organization was founded by racist D&D nerds.

- We had a Drake clip in Round 2, and everything was perfect.

- Dick Poop.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Freedom Costs a Buck-Oh-Five

- State of the Funyun

- Martin Luther King Cobra Commander

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:36 AM, January 14, 2015
Scores
Turn Me Undead, Man 78

Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas- "Butt Party" (second place) 76

Trivia Clown Car 76

My Place Reeks of Ocelot Piss 73

I've Taken Selfies for 12 Years, Where's My Golden Globe?! 72

Michael Keaton Forever 71

Suck Kevin's Dick, Kevin 71

The Feral Ducklings 70

What Are You Afraid Of, Dr. Zaius? 67

A Deaf Leopard 66

Happy Birthday, Old Man Chris 64

Edgar Allen Flo 59

Mouse Rat 59

Black Ice? Nay, Redneck Ice Rink! 58

Does Anyone Have Bread or Milk?! 58

The Natty Genes 58

Shoutout to the Guy Who Brought Us This Table 53

Whatever You Want 53

Semen Squeegees 44

Struggle Bus 44

Left My Heart in Atlanta 12

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

Last year, we had fires. Cars littered alongside the roads, stranded for days. People scarcely walking around, bundled from head to toe and carrying food and other supplies.

If it sounds like there was a zombie apocalypse, one might have agreed with you considering the sights and sounds of February 2014 in North Carolina. However, it was no viral outbreak of an undead horde that caused the calamity - it was…ice. And snow. You know, *spooky voice* THE STANDARD WEATHER PATTERNS OF WINTERRRRRR. MUAHAHAHAHA.

We here in the 12th state of the Union generally freak out when frozen precipitation starts to hit the ground, and last night we were on the precipice of our first icing of the year. So, to help us prepare for this and inevitably more freezes in the future, here’s a few tips to survive Mother Nature and Father Winter’s evil clutches:

Buy some skates

Pretty simple one here. If you need to get somewhere, and your car is iced in, show the permafrost who’s boss and lace up your ice skates to get around (figure or hockey, depending on preference). No one will make fun of you because these aren’t rollerblades. Channel your inner Apollo Ohno or Alexander Ovechkin to get to your destination much faster than if you tried to hoof it in snow boots.

Hire a homeless person to keep your car de-iced

One of most people’s biggest winter gripes is when your car gets frozen shut, or your scraper just doesn’t make a scratch against the sheet of ice on your windshield. Don’t get fooled into dumping hot water on your car like a dummy! Just find a homeless person (who you’ll vet yourself, of course), and give him/her $10 to sleep in your car overnight.

The bum’s hot breath will keep your windshield defrosted, and if your car doors get iced shut, just have them try to push it open from the inside! Easy peasy. You might want to lay down some newspaper, put in a couple air fresheners, and remove all valuables from the car first, though.

Keep some flavored syrups handy

Picture this - you’re snowed/iced in. Your cupboards are running low, and the fridge is barren. What are you going to eat?

Well, if you had some son-cone syrups on hand, you could enjoy your last moments on this Earth eating a delicious frozen treat. Let the nostalgia of your childhood wash over you as your hunger crushes the final bits of energy you have left to survive the harsh winter cold.

—————————————————

Turn Me Undead, Man were far and away our top team tonight, and they collected their first place prize with no issues. However, second-place had a tie between Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas - “Butt Party” and Trivia Clown Car. I was so inspired by the fake Chewbacca we all heard in our Round 2 clips, so I made someone from each team give their best Chewie impression. Trivia Clown Car wasted everyone’s time and didn’t even do an impersonation, and Carlos Santana cruised to an easy tiebreaker win.

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Tonight’s audio rounds (fake Chewbacca and Mother Goose numbers) brought much joy and frustration to our quizzers.

- Anything can happen in space, evidently.

- If Superman really did do a porno, it’d result in a massacre. He’s not the only thing that moves faster than a speeding bullet…

- Saint and Sinner are two fragrances by Kat Von D. However, they both smell like tattoo aftercare lotion.

- Pope Francis is the coolest pope ever.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Suck Kevin’s Dick, Kevin

- Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas - “Butt Party”

- Michael Keaton Forever

- My Place Reeks of Ocelot Piss

- A Deaf Leopard

- Does Anyone Have Bread or Milk?!

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
8:48 AM, January 07, 2015
Scores
1/6: Already Cancelled My Gym Membership 74

Notable Juggalo Jesse Pinkman 73

Lasagna For One 72

Cole Me Down on the Panny Sty 70

Score Goin UPÉ ON A TUESDAY! 65

How Can an Airboat Be Selfish? 62

20Grifteen 61

My Dad's Harem 61

Fish is for Cats 59

Jerry Jones Flag Removal Service 59

LARVIS 57

Lower Expectations 57

There Was No Flag on That Play (Cowboys Suck!) 57

Divine Spark of the Simian Brain 56

Free Snuffleupagus 55

Misplaced Feral Ducklings 52

Fresh Like A Featherbed 51

Reason to Buy 49

Triforce 47

Looks Like We Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue 46

Legion of Whom 37

We Suck @ Spelling 31

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

As most of us are wont to do, I recently found myself surfing Netflix looking for something to watch, but could not find anything that fit exactly what I was searching for. And instead of striving to find the best thing I could watch - something award-winning or critically-acclaimed - I decided I’d try to find a pretty bad movie to view.

Oh boy, did I find a terrible movie.

2014 brought us many awful films, but few could come to the level of terribad that I, Frankenstein achieved. Starring Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s monster, the movie begins by giving us a VERY brief summary of how the monster came to be, and for the first 25 seconds or so, it’s the same story we’ve heard since Shelley debuted the creature.

THEN EVERYTHING GETS WEIRD.

The monster got upset at Frankenstein because the doctor tried to cast his creature into the sea, but ultimately failed to kill it. When the monster comes back, he does what most logical people do when they have beef with someone - he murders the man’s wife and runs away. The doctor follows after him, all the way to (evidently) a tundra that freezes him dead in his tracks, and the monster collects his creator’s body to bury him in his family’s cemetery.

THEN EVERYTHING GETS WEIRDER.

The monster is then ambushed in the graveyard by a bunch of demons until they are scared off by…wait for it…gargoyles. Yup. Not angels, the usual foil for demonic foes, but gargoyles.

They take him back to their cathedral for healing where the Queen of the Gargoyles looks into the monster’s eyes and essentially says, “Those are people eyes. You are a person now.” And she names him Adam.

Adam Frankenstein.

That’s really his name in the movie.

*sigh*

This is where the plot devolves into a power struggle between the leader of the demons (Bill Nighy) and the gargoyles over Frankenstein’s journal because it contains the secret to creating life that cannot die. Or something like that. It was hard to pay attention at times because I was too off-put by how many people from the Underworld movie series were in this. It’s like they typecast themselves into the fantasy-action genre, and can’t get out.

Anyway, if you have 90-ish minutes to kill, and you want to see Aaron Eckhart make people explode EXACTLY like the vampires did in Blade, then this is what you’re looking for, I guess.

I'll also periodically watch more shitty movies to blog about here, so keep an eye out for more Nitflix this year.

———————————————

The first quiz of the year was packed to the gills, and the score was even tighter. First, second, and third places were all separated by one point! Lasagna for One finished just outside the prize money, Notable Juggle Jesse Pinkman grabbed a second-place finish, and 1/6: Already Cancelled My Gym Membership topped everyone in 2015’s cursory quiz. Well done, everyone.

———————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- She might have been dangerously and crazy in love at one point, but could Beyoncé ever be happily in love? I hope so.

- I believe you when you tell me the Chinese characters you wrote stood for “Beijing”. But Travis and I can’t read that, and we’re not impressed. NO POINT FOR YOU.

- The Castle in the Forest is totally a boner-in-bush metaphor. We see what you did there, Norman Mailer. Can't fool us.

- Scott Stapp only started that charity to get money for drugs. You know, so he could get HIGHERRRRUGH.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- 1/6: Already Cancelled My Gym Membership

- Cole Me Down on the Panny Sty

- How Can an Airboat Be Selfish?

- Jerry Jones Flag Removal Service

- There Was No Flag on That Play (Cowboys Suck!)

- Score Goin UP…ON A TUESDAY!

———————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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