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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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8:40 AM, April 22, 2015
Scores
Touched by an Uncle 76

Chewie Chewie You're Gonna [Wookiee Roar] 74

Second-Hand Thirst 73

Casserole of Sadness 71

LeBron Burgundy 71

Private Me, Reporting for Sploosh! 68

Valar Morghulis: All Geeks Must Cry 68

Toss My Scratchy Beard 67

The Iron Bank of Braavos 64

And In First PlaceƉ 62

Meatloaf in a Pint Glass for 2 60

Mr. Meowgi 60

Yesterday It Rained & Thundered 58

Hoffstradamus


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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is probably one of the coolest people on the planet. It’s hard to argue that. The man is self-described Franchise Viagra as he helped the Fast and Furious and G.I. Joe franchises surge in the box office. His Instagram account is filled with photos generally about a.) his jet-setting celebrity lifestyle, b.) working out and dieting, or c.) the most inspirational and touching shit you’ll ever read. And, Jesus, that smile, man. It looks like someone stuck a piano in his mouth and removed all of the minor keys.

However, for me, most of the inspiring and cool stuff he said/did all happened when he was a member of the WWE. What, you thought “The Rock” was a legitimate middle name? No, silly - it came from his eight year career as the MOST electrifying man in sports entertainment.

Take these gems into consideration, and I dare you not to be moved to tears and or motivated to workout:

- “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”

You want people to feel your presence. Exude confidence, and people will flock to you. Anyone that doesn’t clearly can’t smell what you’re “cooking.”

- “Know your role, and shut your mouth!”

Well, that one is pretty self-explanatory.

- “Stick it straight up your candy ass!”

Essentially, you don’t want to waste your time with people who prevent you from accomplishing your goals. Push past them, and tell them you are focused on the prize at hand.

- “Jabroni.”

I’m not really not sure what this means. I just know I don’t want to be called a Jabroni.

 

Thank you, Dwayne. Keep the wisdom coming.

——————————————————

Nights like tonight remind me how great my quizzers are. One team of regulars, Second-Hand Thirst, has been trying for months to place in the top two to no avail. After two scoring breaks, they were sitting on top of the scores, and were poised to finally take home a gift card. When the final scores came out, Chewie Chewie You’re Gonna [Wookie Roar] climbed into second place, and Touched By An Uncle usurped them for first place. Second-Hand Thirst finished one point away from second.

The members of Second-Hand were distraught. They were *this* close to winning some store credit. Suddenly, by the grace of Zeus, a member of Chewie came up to me and said, “Man, we had eight people on our team tonight. The gift card should go to them.” See, THAT’S amazing. One team knew they broke the rule about no more than six people to a team, and they came clean. That shit was magical. Congrats, Second-Hand Thirst!

——————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- There is no place in New York named “Myanus” or “Vagina Town.”

- As one group astutely pointed out, the Kraft concoction of mayo, dressing, and sugar should be called “Ew” rather than Miracle Whip.

- Until they are available later this fall, teenagers haven’t been able to buy JNCO jeans since 9/11. What an American tragedy.

- The Last of Us is one of the best video games ever made.

- We also confirmed Half-Life 3 at the quiz tonight. Look for it on store shelves later this summer.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- LeBron Burgundy

- Meatloaf In A Pint Glass For 2

- Touched By An Uncle

- Private Me, Reporting For Sploosh!

- Valar Morghulis: All Geeks Must Cry

——————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
9:55 PM, April 15, 2015
Scores
If I Had to Do It Over, I'd Be a Dictator 81

The Great Barrier Queef 80

Clown Car 76

1st Edition Holographic Charizards 74

If You Beat Us, We'll Kill Your Dog. Seriously, That's One Dead Schnauzer 73

Natures Deadliest Predator: Pants! 73

Running Backwards Naked In A Field Of Dicks 71

Marco Polls Low 69

You Should See The Other Guy's Toe! 69

Nicki Minaj-a-trois 68

The Happy Club 68

Poke-a-man 67

[Hacker Voice] I'm In! 65

The Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good 64

Burt Macklin, F.B.I. 63

Chicken McThuggets 61

On The Rocks 61

Clown Baby 56

Tequila Mockingbird 54

Courtney Love's Bastard Children 51

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

If you want to grab people’s attention when you walk into a room, enter with a cane.

Seriously. It works. I hobbled into the Greene Room using one at tonight’s quiz, and you’d have thought I rolled up in a goddamn Lamborghini with the collective head pivot that happened.

I suppose it’d be a little weird seeing your normally-spry late-20s Quizmaster limping in with Rite Aid’s finest aluminum cane, but if you understood why I needed it in the first place, it wouldn’t seem so strange.

The story begins with a backed-up shower drain…

Alright, maybe starting it off like that does make it sound strange. Um, how about -

I sprained my toe trying to jump out of a pair of pants…

OK, that’s not helping. Here’s what happened:

I share a house with four other people, three of which live on the same floor as I do. We all share one bathroom. As drains are wont to do, it got clogged up, and we had to call a plumber in to plumb that sucker out. What the plumber did not expect was a clog of such massive proportions that he would have to come back the next day with some help to finish the job. He literally had to call in back-up for the back-up.

Because I pride myself in being a clean human being, I needed to find a shower to use in the interim. My lovely girlfriend offered to let me use her shower, and I quickly took her up on the offer.

This is where the story gets grim.

I’m a playful person. I like to have fun with the mundane situations I get in sometimes. Getting undressed for the shower just seemed so BORING that night, so I wanted to jazz it up a bit. Then an idea popped in my head to leave a trail of clothes to the bathroom as if I were leaving breadcrumbs for her to find me. “Yeah, that’s a GREAT idea!”, the idiot part of my brain said.

So, I started to get undressed in front of her. I lose the shirt - no problem. I unbutton and unzip my pants to make it easier for them to fall off - done. However, getting out of the pants proved to be a much more perilous task.

I tried gracefully hopping out of the pants, like one would think a ballerina or dancer does on a daily basis. When I descended back to the ground, though, the jeans remained tightly wrapped around my ankle, dashing any success at landing flat on my feet. Instead, I came down directly on my big toe which subsequently buckled under the weight of my gracefully clumsy body.

My body crumpled to the floor. I start to wince and grimace in pain on the floor as pain rushes to the tip of my foot. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is laughing her ass off because she thinks this is some sort of comedy bit that I am doing. I limp to the bathroom to find my toe dripping with blood, and a step that’s too tender to the touch. From what I can tell (because I won’t go to the doctor), it’s a pretty bad sprain.

All because I was trying to be playfully sexy.

That’s why the cane is necessary. It certainly helps with keeping weight off of the foot, but I feel like the only way I’ll truly be accepted using it is if I wore a giant fur coat and top hat, too. I guess Hustle and Flow was right - it’s hard out here for a pimp.

—————————————————

The return of our favorite Archer-quoting team - If I Had To Do It Over, I’d Be A Dictator - netted a first place finish for them. While The Great Barrier Queef had one of my favorite team names of the night, they managed to finish just one point behind our “gold” “medalists.” Nice job!

Also, tonight was MUCH better than last week in regards to team names. Way to flex those creative brain sponges of yours.

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- The normal and 8-Bit versions of Devo’s “Whip It” sound creepily similar.

- Mongolian gerbils aren’t what makes up food court Mongolian barbecue, right? RIGHT?!?

- David Bowie was never at The Alamo. We would have all remembered that.

- The NFL’s official yogurt sponsor should be Activia. “Keep your shit together on the field with ACTIVIA!”

- When I read back answers to people, seeing them cheer for some answers is a little conflicting. Like, when someone vocally says, “YEAH!!!” after I read “Bubonic plague” or “epilepsy.” In any other situation, you’re a terrible person, but at quiz, you’re safe amongst likeminded others.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- 1st Edition Holographic Charizards

- Nature’s Deadliest Predator: Pants!

- Running Backwards In A Field Of Dicks

- The Great Barrier Queef

- If I Had To Do It Over, I’d Be A Dictator

- Marco Polls Low

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
2:04 PM, April 08, 2015
Scores
12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can't Lose! 81

Lasagna for One 80

Cuff 'em and Stuff 'em 79

Midnight Strokers 79

Monkey with a Firehose 79

Banana Republic of Congo 73

Pizza Sluts 69

What Up 69

I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson! 66

The Cupid Stunts 63

Insect Royalty 58

We Were On A Break 56

Raise Hell, Praise Dale 49

Wave Lynx 44

Mayo is Hands-Down the Best Condiment 35

Popp'n Cherry's 7

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

We’re a week into April, and spring is heeeeeeere! Hooray…right? 

WRONG. 

After the winter, many would assume the seasonal shift would offer respite from the cold we’ve just had to bear for months. The sun is shining, the trees are blossoming - everything is on the up-and-up, right?

NOPE.

Instead, we’ve been bombarded yet again by the yellow dust monster known as Pollen, and many people’s allergies are on the fritz. I’m sure tissue and Allegra sales are through the roof right now. Personally, I just hit a new record for most sneezes in a row (seven). This is the lamest form of misery.

What saddens me most about this is that it gives some sort of strange merit to M. Night Shyamalan’s box-office turd The Happening. All of the sudden someone telling Mark Wahlberg that the trees are trying to kill them doesn’t sound so crazy.

It’s also gotten to the point where I can’t help but think every season on this planet is designed to make us a wee-bit miserable. We’ve already covered the bitter cold of winter and nature’s chemical warfare in the spring, and we have summer and autumn left over.

Summer is easy - it’s only getting hotter and hotter, and the water dries up. Not only is the Earth trying to cook us alive, but it’s also evaporating an absolute necessity for life. Ugh, pass.

Now we’re left with autumn or the fall or whatever. I know there will be at least one person who says, “But what about the COLORS, Alex? Isn’t it beautiful?” Sure, no one is arguing the annual turning of the leaves. However, if you really look at it - the season surrounds you with the constant image of death. Everywhere you look, what was once green and beautiful slowly changes color as the life force is sucked out of its very veins. Then the leaves fall to the ground and wither away.

So - we have an inhaled sinus irritant, an outdoor microwave, a likely setting for a Tim Burton movie, and a frigid tundra to look forward to on a quarterly cycle every year.

Hooray…right?

———————————————————

The quizzes at Natty’s maintain a highly competitive environment every week, and the scores are a perfect indication of that. There was a three-way tie for third place between Cuff ‘Em and Stuff ‘Em, Midnight Strokers, and Monkey With a Firehose. First and second place were separated by ONE POINT with Lasagna for One getting edged out by 12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can’t Lose! Well, they truly couldn’t lose because they didn’t. Well done, everyone.

———————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Pretty weak night for team names. You all can do better than that.

- If your grandmother is playing Russian Roulette, she was probably a spy.

- Yet another QM-trainee rolls through Natty’s to learn the ropes tonight, and Rafe from Charleston, SC is going to be a great fit in the annals of Geeks Who Drink. Or anals. Whatever floats your boat, dude.

- I think the television show “Last Week Tonight, Tonight” should exist if only to have Billy Corgan deliver very melancholy news.

- The first three elements on the periodic table that start with the letter ‘A’ are Aluminum, Argon, and Arsenic, or as the Earth would call them, “some of my things.”

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- 12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can’t Lose!

- Monkey With a Firehose

- The Cupid Stunts

———————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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