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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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7:12 AM, August 20, 2014
Scores
Cucumber Mouse Booger (first) 77

Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (second) 77

L.A. Clippies 72

Do Nuclear Physicists Have Half-Life Crises? 68

Shave the Whales 66

Zipties are the New Duct Tape 66

Cricket Muffin 64

Sit on my Facebook 64

The Late Comers 62

You Damn Dirty Apes 62

#TeamAlex 61

Angry Gnomes 60

I Like Fish Sticks! 60

Olive Garden Bloodbath 58

#HULKSMASH 55

UhhÉ Dammit 54

We're Here for the Beer 52

Dynamic Duo 21

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

We’ve all told a lie to get out of something at one time or another in our lives. It’s OK, you can admit it. Some might call in “sick” for work to go traipse around town all day. Others will say they are an astronaut/lawyer/rodeo worker to try and get laid. I’m looking at you, Barney Stinson.

However, one man from Connecticut, Tucker Blandford, trumps all with the boldest lie I’ve ever heard - he broke off his trans-Atlantic engagement by faking his own death. Instead of simply calling his fiancé, Alex, to tell her he couldn’t go forward with the nuptials, he calls his fiancé posed as his father to tell her his son jumped in front of a car, and he’s dead now. And it worked.

Well, almost worked.

His bride-to-be was grief-stricken, and she called his mother to discuss the nature of Tucker’s demise. But the mom had no earthly clue what she was talking about. Alex proceeded to blow up Tucker’s cell trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and only then did he send her a text spelling out his trepidations.

Tucker. Dude. Bromosapien. There’s no. fucking. way. that was ever going to work. You didn’t even retcon your parents to let them know not to spill the beans. With the most glaring loose-end not even tied up, your plan was botched from the start.

I feel sorry for Alex in all this, too. She said, “after this I’m not sure I can trust a man ever again.” If it’s any consolation, I’m pretty sure 99.99% of men don’t think feigning death is the proper way to break up a relationship. Just try again. You’ll probably luck out and find a nice, handsome guy who will break up with you over text message or changing his relationship status on Facebook without telling you first. You know, normal 2014 stuff.

———————————

A tight race between our top two teams raged on the entire night, and it got even tighter at end when Cucumber Mouse Booger and Little Lebowski Urban Achievers tied for a first place finish. After a Tiebreaker question, Cucumber triumphed, and Lebowski had to settle for second. Either way - well done, everyone. 

———————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Getting the magnificent tones of the cowbell confused with your every day pots & pans is a travesty.

- Ooh child, things are gonna get easier. Ooh child, things’ll get brighter. Except the quiz. That gets tougher as you go.

- Damon Wayans was not in White Chicks.

- Bruno Mars is an American treasure.

- There were some tonight who heard David Bowie’s “Golden Years” and didn’t immediately think of A Knight’s Tale. That makes my heart sad. 

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Cucumber Mouse Booger

- L.A. Clippies

- Zipties Are the New Ductape

- Olive Garden Bloodbath

- Shave the Whales

- Do Nuclear Physicists Have Half-Life Crises?

———————————

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
8:42 AM, August 13, 2014
Scores
Bruce Willy 80

It's Too Soon 77

You Can't Hold Down a Banjo Man 74

Lasagna For One 69

Soggy Alexa 69

Its Wetter Than Your Mother Out There 68

It's My Birthday, I Can Be A Dick if I Want to! - Alex (some other Alex, I guess- T) 63

Alexandra Can Rent a Car! 62

Maui Wowie 62

O Captain! My Captain! 62

The Late Comers 59

Blue Barracudas 56

12th? 54

Taxi Taxi 54

Don't Come Near Me with an #IceBucket 53

Rufio! Rufio! Rufio! 48

Someone Needs to Roll a 5 or 8 47

KINGS AMONG TRASH 46

Ronald Reagan's Army 45

Sisko's 3 of 9 44

Get Me Drunk, Enjoy the Show 21

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Our Round 7 movie clips tonight featured actors who wrote, directed, and starred in their own movie, to varying degrees of success. I recently saw one of these movies, Don Jon featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, because Netflix is basically a digitally-accessible, cinematic yard sale - there’s a ton of shit to choose from, and you might find a treasure, but most of the time you just end up with something that was going to get thrown out anyway.

Don Jon is JGL’s 90-minute story focusing on a guy from Jersey - Jon (duh). He’s got a rocking bod, sweet car, loving family (albeit incredibly dysfunctional), and the dude gets laid ALL. THE. TIME. But he’s got a problem. One that afflicts him every day, and keeps him from truly getting intimate with any woman he meets…

Homeboy loves to watch him some porno. ALL. THE. TIME. 

After the countless times JGL reminds us of how easy it is for this guy to pull a lady home with him, Jon will open his laptop screen and fire up a nudie flick to finish the job. And we will see this numerous times in the movie. Because if there’s anything this guy loves most, it’s clubbing his seal to virtual coitus instead of being with the actual woman in his bed.

So he finally meets a girl, Barbara, that turns his world upside down - played by the super-foyne Scarlett Johannson. He is smitten with her immediately, and he begins to toy with the idea that this may be the girl that can change his life. She may be the one. Maybe he doesn’t need to look at porn anymore with such a beautiful woman taking his attention…

Nope, just kidding. Jon still finds the need to boot up the computer and polish his flute despite having SCARLETT JOHANNSON in his bed. 

Shortly thereafter, she discovers his seedy secret, and flips. a. shit. This sends their relationship spiraling, and Jon now has to figure out what he truly wants out of life.

Throughout the movie, we meet Jon’s family and interact with Barbara, and you can’t help but think these are just shitty people, in general. Jon is obviously superficial and obsessed with escaping reality for something fleeting, Barbara is shown to be a controlling, manipulative person who wanted to mold Jon into her ideal mate, and Jon’s parents - played by TONY DANZA and Glenne Headly - are the typical bickering Jersey couple we’ve seen in numerous other movies about the Garden State. The only shining light in this cast is Brie Larson, who plays Jon’s sister, and she only has ONE LINE the entire movie.

I know some of you may have seen this movie, and think, “Hey man, the movie is actually an interesting look into a man’s fear of intimacy, the expectations he and society puts on himself, and what it is to truly be emotionally vulnerable as a male.” And I can’t really argue against that point that other than calling it “interesting.” Snooze.

———————————

The top teams tonight planted themselves early and didn’t relinquish their spots for anyone. A perfectly Jokered Round 2 for Bruce Willy jettisoned them to the top spot, and It’s Too Soon were close behind the entire evening to round out our winners. There were 21 teams tonight, so well done to this week’s champs.

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Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Instead of correctly answering “Garry Kasparov” in the question about a chess champ, one group wrote “Rasputin.” 

- Tonight’s Round 2 Awesome Mix Vol. 1 was my favorite Round 2 ever.

- LeVar Burton did not play a bored and horny schoolteacher in Roots.

- Necco Wafers are delicious. I don’t care who knows it. I’m proud to stand by that.

- Sorry, I couldn’t accept “Fat kid from Goonies” for the Truffle Shuffle question. Obviously.

- Sanka is French for “without caffeine.” Nescafé is French for “shitty coffee.”

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs! (Super Respectful to the Recently Departed Edition):

- O’ Captain, My Captain!

- Rufio! Rufio! Rufio!

- Someone Needs to Roll a 5 or 8

- Don’t Come Near Me With an #IceBucket

- It’s My Birthday, I Can Be a Dick If I Want To

- You Can’t Hold Down a Banjo Man

———————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
9:04 AM, August 06, 2014
Scores
Lasagna for One 88

Summer Book Window 80

Shrimp Are BugsÉ Sorry! 72

West African Tourists 67

Hodor Carries the Act 66

Full-Body Ebola Condom 64

Fuzznugget 63

Platonic Solids 62

"They Got My Dick Message!" 60

[Sex Noises] 56

No No, It's Fine, We'll Just Stand Around the Pool Table 56

Team Rocket 56

Sierra Leone's 10th Annual Burial Bonanza & Bushmeat Barbeque Bash is Postponed 52

Ebola Jokes Are Too Dark For Me 49

Marsha Marsha Marsha 49

Even Faucets Leak Less Than the U.S. Govt. 47

Late Comers 36

Auto Cucumber 34

It's Lauren's Birthday! 33

Bombinators 29

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Summer movie blockbuster season is almost at a close, and there’s still one movie on the horizon creating anxious derision among the ranks of nerds everywhere: Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I am one of many who believe Bay is out to bastardize (Baystardize?) every childhood memory I hold dear, and I’m not optimistic about this one either. 

Transformers? Basically four movies of three-hour long automobile advertisements masked as a cybernetic war on Earth. Bay also inspired other studios to take chances on G.I. Joe and Battleship. Obviously those movies went on to receive the Best Picture Academy Award in each of the years they were released.

So, to temper myself against the looming disappointment that the new TMNT movie will bring, I decided to take a stroll down Memory Lane last night and watched 1991’sTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. If you’re wondering - no, the movie does not hold up at all.

If there is one important thing to take away from the film, it’s “pizza.” The four Turtles spend more of their time eating and pining after pizza than doing actual ninja shit. Even April O’Neil - our intrepid reporter with a thirst for the truth in a story - points out their terrible diet to them repeatedly, and they laugh it off. Though I would too if I had a shredded turtle six-pack on a diet of nothing but bread, sauce, and cheese.

I want to make it extremely clear - these “Ninja” Turtles are the. worst. ninjas. ever. The only foes they can dispatch are the Foot Clan, and those guys are literally street rats and homeless people. All a guy has to do is win one fight against another bum and he’s brought into the group. Methinks it’s not exactly the best vetting process for a diabolical martial arts gang, but what do I know?

Then, in the final showdown with Super Shredder (because homeboy is super careless when handling NUCLEAR WASTE that he spills it all over himself causing a mutation), the Turtles seem trapped. They are pitted against their nemesis underneath a pier, and he’s barreling toward them, smashing every wooden beam in his path. It’s at that point the Turtles say, “Let’s be turtles!” and they jump into the water while Shredder crushes himself beneath the pier he was razing to the ground.

To summarize: Shredder basically kills himself via dock debris, the Turtles float away on their shells, and they didn’t have to throw a single punch/kick. Real paradigms of martial arts expertise those guys are.

———————————

Lasagna for One came in to their second quiz and set the new venue record for the highest score ever achieved. Well done, lads and lasses. Summer Book Window finished in a distant second, but not as distant at the other eighteen teams behind them.

———————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Tonight marked the first time I’ve ever heard of someone confusing Meryl Streep and 50 Cent.

- I’m sorry, but “Bitch Tits” is not the name of one of the founding members of the Babysitters’ Club. They may have called Stacey that behind her back, but that’s not her name.

- Unfortunately, Howard the Duck was not a Best Picture winner in the 90’s. A travesty, I know, but it would have actually needed to come out in the 90’s to be considered.

- That Edward Snowden is a tricky guy.

- This quiz is so fetch.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- No, No, It’s Fine, We’ll Just Stand Around the Pool Table

- Sierra Leone’s 10th Annual Burial Bonanza & Bushmeat Barbecue Bash Is Postponed

- Ebola Jokes Are Too Dark for Me

- Even Faucets Leak Less Than the U.S. Govt

- “They Got My Dick Message!”

———————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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