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Billy's On Burnet
2105 Hancock Dr
Austin, TX 78756
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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7:22 PM, April 17, 2014
Scores
8th Period Drug Deal 87

Lorne's Dainty Bump 'N' Grind 78

Heartbleed? More Like Fartbleed 78

Breaking News: The Mets Are Above .500 78

Sharts and Flats 75

Flying Spaghetti Monsters 75

Lewis and Kark 73

Mopac Shakur 71

Guantanamo Baywatch 69

Heroes of Happenstance 62

The Hosses 58

Mickey Rooney 37

My Couch Pulls Out, But I Don't -- You Unoriginal Fucks. 30

Texas Shaynesaw Massacre


Web

Quiz Schedule
Mondays: Upper Decks at 7PM! Wednesdays: Billy's on Burnet at 7PM!
Shayne (Texas Shaynesaw Massacre)

Hello. I am Shayne.

I like tacos.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six

“So who was that?” Novinho asked tunefully, with a wry smile plastered on his hirsute snout.

“…”

“J’hrrarkk. Buddy. Talk to me.”

“…”

“Come oooooooooooonnnnnnn.”

“…”

“Come on. Carol. The woman who almost murder-fucked you back there. Talk to me like a dude. Gimme the deets. How’d you meets. How are her teats—“

SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCKING SHIT FUCK UP.

Two and a half weeks had passed since Carol had seriously fucked J’hrrarkk Sihm’ohn’s shit up. They had made some progress scaling up the mountain. They set up camp approximately one third of the way up the looming mountain. The quest had drained much of their supplies, so they had decided to take a handful of days to resupply.

Novinho had started every morning with this same conversation. This morning was the first time Novinho had elicited a response from the old bastard.

“Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooshit that girl has got your scrote all twisted—FUCK!

J’hrrarkk’s knuckles cracked against the great beardog and both of them fell to the ground, scrambling to gain control over one another. The beardog’s jowls snapped and snarled, begging to take hold of the old man’s flesh. J’hrrarkk landed blow after blow into the fur-covered chest of the hybrid beast, as the cracking of bones and the tearing of flesh created a disgusting cacophony of violent sights, sounds, and smells.

Suddenly, the two warriors shot apart, ripped from one another by some unseen power. The Stranger stood above them, his dark visage covered in shadow. He spoke in whispered growls:

“Boys! It will not do to splinter our party. This journey is difficult together. Alone? Impossible.”

“Hey, I’ve heard that before,” Novinho interjected.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Seriously. Shutthefuckup. Not one person likes you, you excremental mongrel,” J’hrrarkk growled.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!” The Stranger’s voice boomed as the shadows fell away from his face. He rose above them, hovering several feet above the ground, a glow emanating from every inch of his skin. The illusion that had disguised his face fell away to reveal none other than the ancient warrior king himself, Zhahn Dik’kr.

“Ooh! Twist!” Novinho exclaimed through a bloody grin.

Billy's On Burnet
2105 Hancock Dr
Austin, TX 78756
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:21 PM, April 09, 2014
Scores
Happy Birthday, Sparkle Dick! 78

The Zombie Plane Theory 77

Guantanamo Baywatch 77

I'm Rebecca, and I'm Blowing Shayne for His Birthday 73

Last Place 71

Boss-Ass Bitches 70

T&A 69

Pistorius' Prosthetic Penises 69

And That's How You Get Ants 66

The Logjammers 65

Bartolo Colon's Gut 65

Heroes of Happenstance 62

The Whole Damn Town 62

Birthday Wings 55

Wild Nerds 46

Combined, We're Older Than God 45

Texas Shaynesaw Massacre


Web

Quiz Schedule
Mondays: Upper Decks at 7PM! Wednesdays: Billy's on Burnet at 7PM!
Shayne (Texas Shaynesaw Massacre)

Hello. I am Shayne.

I like tacos.

At the Mountains of Quizness is on hiatus this week.

It's my birthday and I'm sleepy.

I was the birthday princess. I got cupcakes at work. I also got Tiff's Treats at work. I got two cakes at quiz, and a fancy princess hat and lei.

Things you may have learned tonight:

* Maybe I have 6 testicles.
* Maybe I have 2 testicles.
* Maybe I have 12 testicles and a micro-penis.

How would that work? Is it one big sack of testicles? Or is it multiple scrotums, two testicles each?

I can't say getting shouting into a microphone at fifty people while getting progressively drunker is a bad way to spend the first day of my 28th.

Thanks for making me not regret the choices I have made up until today.

xoxo

--Shayne "Multiple Scrotums" Lechelt

Billy's On Burnet
2105 Hancock Dr
Austin, TX 78756
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:03 PM, April 02, 2014
Scores
Ooooooh, That's a Bad Miss 80

Guantanamo Baywatch 72

Anything But Last Place 71

Heroes of Happenstance 68

Boppity Bop Bop BopÉCocaine 67

Jeremy's Iron 62

Pi 55

In Like Flynn 22

Texas Shaynesaw Massacre


Web

Quiz Schedule
Mondays: Upper Decks at 7PM! Wednesdays: Billy's on Burnet at 7PM!
Shayne (Texas Shaynesaw Massacre)

Hello. I am Shayne.

I like tacos.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five

"Your story grows tiresome. Let us walk in silence for a while," J'hrrarkk growled.

Just then, an arrow shaved a small patch of his growing beard and stuck vibrating into a nearby tree with a sharp thoonk! J'hrrark's eyes snapped up in the direction of the shot to find a tall, strong woman with a second arrow notched and ready in her bow.

It was silent for a moment. The woman's arm pulled back, the stretch of the bowstring creating a deep, shaking, growling tone.

"Shh!" J'hrrarkk shushed the woman.

Her eyes condensed to a squint as the arrow was released from her fingertips. It cut the air toward the old, grizzled guide. He darted away from the path of the arrow, meanwhile reaching back, snatching the projectile in midair and splitting it in two.

"Holy shit. What the fuck is happening. Stranger, what the fuck is happening what am I watching," Novinho whispered.

"FUCK OFF, CAROL!" J'hrrarkk shouted, speedwalking toward the archer. "SERIOUSLY. FUCK OFF. YOU BROKE UP WITH ME, SO JUST FUCK OFF, OKAY?" Now he was standing so close she felt the heat of his breath.

"Your mouth smells like kraken-shit, old lover."

He kissed her, heavy and wet on the mouth. She pulled away.

"Stranger, are you seeing this? This is fucking bonkers."

"Novinho, shut up. Shut the fuck up right now."

J'hrrarkk yanked Carol back. This time she kissed back, taking him to the ground. Their mouths were sloppy against one another. His old genitals were quickly exposed. Then, suddenly, she stopped. Carol threw a mighty punch, cracking the chin of the old man, and ran off toward the mountain.

"What. Is. Happening."

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