Meet Your Quizmaster
Every first and third Friday of the month. Interviews by Dallas's foreleast quizmaster, Jason Guynes!
Take a peek behind the host with our in depth interview series with the men and women who help run Geeks Who Drink each and every week! Click Here to see a list of who we've already interviewed!
This week's Meet Your Quizmaster is a 2-for-1 thanks to the husband-and-wife duo of Stefani Thomas and her husband Josh. (Stef is an OG Geeks host, so I gave her first billing.) We discuss furries, little people, and Josh made sure to fit in a shameless Geek Bowl plug. Read on!
Hey guys! Let's dive right into the questions. How long have you been with Geeks Who Drink?
Stefani: 3 years, 14 weeks. Jesus.
Not even Jesus has enough cheeks to turn to be a suitable quizmaster.
Josh: I’ve hosted a little over a year… though I’ve been a QM hanger-on for as long as Stef has been a QM.
How did you first hear about GWD?
Stefani: In the old days, when all our friends were still promising us they wouldn’t have kids, we played bar trivia. It was the awful, inferior kind- 20 questions, 20 songs, all the time in the world to google stuff in the bathroom…except this was before really smart phones so the googling took forever. Someone mentioned there was a different format, one that required you to actually KNOW stuff, and we gave it a shot. We got hooked, played at some venues where we did a fair job dominating the winnings, had our asses handed to us at Geek Bowl 5 (FUCK mariachi’s covering Michael Jackson songs btw), and watched QMs browbeat people into submission. I’ve been browbeating my husband for 16 years so I thought I could handle the gig.
Josh: Much like Stef said. We had been playing another trivia format for a while before we realized that it was pretty basic. Once we stumbled on the GWD style I knew there was no going back. If for no other reason than GWD QM’s tend to have much better musical taste than some of the “Trivia” company hosts. At one point we were playing 2-3 times a week
So, other than Geeks, what pays the bills at the Thomas household?
Stefani: My job during the day is to build up a super human immunity to croup, flu, lice, bed bugs… I work as an elementary school secretary.
Josh: I am a Cyber Security Analyst by trade. I’ve been doing that kind of work for the last 13 years and it’s been interesting to see how the industry has evolved. It can be fairly solitary work so hosting quiz gives me just enough people interaction for the week. I also am a Psychological Operations Specialist in the Army Reserve a big part of that requires face-to-face interaction with potentially hostile crowds. I find that this parlays in to the life of a QM as well.
No doubt. I think Geeks might be able to employ its own Psychological Operations Specialist. So tell me about your blog nicknames. I always like asking about this because I usually learn something about you. What exactly does “Who the hell moved my vagina” mean?
Stefani: It’s a vague TV show reference. Back to those days when I was a quizzer, there was an episode of “Raising Hope” – Cloris Leachman has a fake beard on, I believe for the Christmas special actually. She looks at her face in the mirror and thinks her vagina has been moved there. We felt this was infinitely funny and had previously gone by such clever monikers as “We suck at team names” so we made the switch. I also suck at nicknames.
I watched the entirety of Raising Hope and just barely remember that, even after being reminded. Vague indeed!
Josh: My blog nickname is Wurm Boy. Long story short, I had pin worms when I was a child. Often times in order to positively identify pinworms the Dr. will have you stick a piece of scotch tape to your anus before you go to bed at night and if there are worms stuck to the tape when you wake up in the morning… you have worms. Stef uses this as an example of unconditional love and has shared this story with other QM’s on multiple occasions… Thus Worm or Wurm Boy (I thought Wurm looked more exotic) was born.
I now regret asking! One thing I noticed is that you guys host separate nights (and Stef twice a week), which means three nights out of the week, one of you is hosting but the other isn’t. Is that ever a difficult schedule to maintain?
Stefani: Well first off, Josh is the good spouse in this relationship, so he attends most of my quizzes. But I should also state that both of my quizzes have an excellent beer selection which usually results in no money actually being made when he is in attendance.
I think the key to not losing money as a quizmaster is to hosting at a bar with a crappy beer selection. You knew I would ask at some point - Are you more Geek or Drink?
Stefani: Drink. It took playing quiz a lot to develop a taste for beer… I was drinking Coors Light or Colorado Bulldogs (uh, yum) and began to broaden my horizons. I also have a bizarre need to hoard things and “win” at finding rare stuff (let’s not talk about the beanie babies and the unfortunate wingless “Quackers” fiasco) so finding rare beers and storing them in my basement has become a past time Josh and I have really gotten into.
My geek side is probably more centered on old (and possibly bad) horror movies, or reading about the occult and fantasy/mythology. I can quote along to all the words in the movie “Ghostbusters” and have seen “The Last Unicorn” …a lot.
Josh: 100% undoubtedly Drink. I love beer, collect beer, and on average probably spend at least 2-3 hours out of my day discussing beer with people. We have easily spent a small fortune on building up our beer collection. Honestly, I don’t think I have much of a “Geek” side, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m not in to video games, Sci-Fi,TV shows, Comic booky stuff. I’ve never had the attention span for those things. I do geek out about music though and I’ve got a solid collection of different musical instruments.
What is your weirdest quiz experience?
Stefani: Without a doubt, it was subbing in Boulder. Colorado people will just say, “Well of course, it was Boulder.” But, I was promised a chill night with some quiz loving hippies and instead found myself battling hordes of hippies who just wanted to see a jam band playing next door, a “little person” who refused to wear her shoes and actually said on more than one occasion, “It comes in pints?” and then a guy got his face kicked into a curb. It felt like an episode of “Twin Peaks”.
+2 Geek Points for anyone who picked up on the Lord of the Rings reference there.
Josh: So this isn’t directly related to playing or hosting a quiz per se nor is it all that weird but I stopped in at a venue that I was scheduled to begin hosting at a few nights before our opening night. It was primarily a live music venue and was sort of off the beaten path. I walk in, take a seat at the bar, order a beer at the bar, and introduce myself to the bartender. Meanwhile, there is a band rehearsing on the stage in the corner of the venue. At this point it is basically myself, the band, the bartender, and maybe 2-3 other people in the space. The bartender at one point leans over and says to me, one of the people on stage is in the Lumineers. Having heard of the Lumineers but not really knowing any of their music, I was like “Oh, that’s neat”. About 45 minutes later another Guy and Girl walk in to the bar and walk over to the stage to talk to the band. Turns out they were in the Lumineers too. So that happened.
What about your most fun quiz experience?
Josh: In my mind it’s an obvious answer. Anytime you get to travel for Geek Bowl is always pretty awesome. I worked as a Chaperone in the spectator section the first year in Austin (Prior to being a QM) and that was a pretty sweet deal. The crowd was pretty laid back and I got to watch the entire “show” from the opening number until the end. I love to travel and Austin is a damn fine city. I don’t know… this GB coming up is positioned to be pretty awesome. Who doesn’t want to spend a long weekend in a Casino!
Stefani: I’ve had a lot of fun quiz nights- that’s the good thing about quiz…even when I don’t want to go, the right mix of songs come up, the right jokes are made, and the right “wrong” answers are given and everything just kind of clicks.
You don’t want to go to quiz sometimes? I think I’m going to have to edit that out. Do either of you have a dream private event?
Josh: I think a PE at a Furry Convention would be fun. Probably breaks some Furry Code of Conduct but I’d try to cajole the losing team in to shedding their costumes.
There’s probably various kinds of shedding happening at any furry convention. What about a dream Quiz for a Cause?
Josh: Alright, serious response time I guess. I’d love to host a QFAC for any Veteran related cause.
I’m supposed to have some sort of quippy response here, but I’ll just say “Thanks for your service!” instead if that’s OK with you. Stef, what topic would you love to host as a themed quiz?
Stefani: A few years ago we did a music quiz. Pretty broad topic, but I would love to play, let alone host, a hardcore/punk quiz.
Can either or both of you give me some advice to pass along to some of our newer hosts?
Stefani: Try to keep things natural- you already have a script of questions so creating a script of jokes is just overkill. Get a really, really good playlist. More Wesley Willis, less Journey. Don’t be a dick for no reason. Sure, we aren’t to be fucked with but I have never seen a positive result come of acting like a dick. Of course, I’m not big enough to stomp anyone’s trachea, but I could pull hair or pinch really hard if push came to shove.
Josh: Take deep breaths and relax. I had no clue that there was so much multi-tasking involved with being a QM, it can be a bit overwhelming at first but try not to get too bogged down. It’s supposed to be fun and if teams hear you having fun, it’ll help them have fun. Don’t take things to personal either, you are going to have bar patrons and staff who aren’t in to quiz for whatever reason. It’s probably because they have a few extra chromosomes but don’t let them ruin your good time.
I have to agree with Stef on choice of music playlist too, I think it’s really important and in my opinion you have to look at it with some objectivity. I’d love to play Jandek all quiz long but that would drive 99.9% of the people out there crazy.
Any other final thoughts?
Stefani: Do you need anything else?
Just the acceptance of my father.
Josh: Final thoughts? I find this applicable in all facets of life: Admit Nothing, Deny Everything, and Make Counter-Accusations.
I’ll admit that you can find Stefani at World of Beer Belmar on Wednesdays and Denver Bicycle Café on Saturdays, and I won’t deny that you can find Josh at Jagged Mountain Brewery on Thursdays.
This week I sat down with the original Quizmaster of the Year, and former MYQM editor Michelle Miller. We discussed chimichangas, Supernatural, and the terrestrial form of Ursula from the Little Mermaid. (Unfortunately, I had to edit out the part about chimichangas.)
OK Michelle, so let's battle. How long have you been with Geeks Who Drink?
I actually just celebrated my 4 year anniversary as a quizmaster. Four long...grueling years.
I know actual humans that can talk to you and stuff who aren't even four years old. That's a long time.
No doubt. In liver years it's like 12.
So I'd imagine you've seen it all. How has the company changed since then?
I've seen round types come and go. Thank the geek gods that "say when" rounds are gone. The way we get our quizzes distributed has changed. They used to arrive by carrier pigeon. Now we use fancy computers.
Also, this company has grown immensely in my time here.
Besides meeting me, any highlights?
Being named Quizmaster of the Year at Geek Bowl 6 was pretty awesome.
Listen, we were going to get to that at some point.
I bring it up every chance I get. I can't help it! But as far as highlights go, I've made some pretty good friends. I suppose I've also made a few formidable enemies too.
I'm sure there's some overlap.
More than I'd like to admit.
One of the most interesting and quite often "inside baseball" things I see with Geeks is quizmaster aliases on their blogs. Yours is OG QMotY, which I guess you don't really have to explain now.
Yeah, mine is pretty much a given. QMotY as a word was actually coined by one of my first regular teams the was present when I was bestowed the honor. The first quiz back after Geek Bowl they had gotten a banner and a giant cookie made for me.
Damn. The only thing a quizzer ever gave me was a plastic triceratops. You're living the life!
Much like middle children they are willing to buy my love and adoration.
Obviously the "OG" part of your call sign is to remind everyone that you're the first.
The first, their last, their everything. I'm like original coke. There will be imitations after me, but they'll always come back to me.
Unless someone tries the other kind of coke, then they're probably done with caffeine altogether.
So you've been around for over 4 years, how did you even get started with Geeks? Was there even a presence in Fort Worth at that time?
My day job requires me to deal with bar people. One of the regulars at the bar that I work for knew the owners were trying to find new ways to bring business in so he sent me a link to geekswhodrink.com before one of our meetings. I fished around on the website and determined that it wasn't really the right fit for our bar but it seemed like an amazing fit for me. They basically asked if I wanted to get paid to drink. I was already drinking so why not get a paycheck for it. There had been one bar in Fort Worth prior to my getting hired but the bar tanked so there wasn't really even a presence here in FW but there were a few bars in Dallas.
Dallas, yuck. So you mentioned your day job. What is that exactly?
I'm an accountant for a real estate broker and a few pool halls in the area. Pretty riveting work.
I was going to say, "you mean billiard rooms" but, no, you probably really do mean "pool halls".
Technically they have the word billiard in the name. But when I'm in them I only see pool happening.
Fair enough. So besides getting cookies from quizzers, what was one of your most fun quiz experience as a host?
Probably getting to host the Doctor Who quiz during the show's 50th anniversary celebration. It was a theme quiz that I was prepared to host because of years of lonely Saturday nights as a child. Just me and PBS and Tom Baker.
Does that mean you're more geek than drink?
I don't think so. My whiskey tolerance says I'm more drink.
So you're a whiskey gal?
Most definitely. I love a good whiskey or scotch. I'm currently working on a bottle of Laprohaig 18 at the house.
I just drink rubbing alcohol, so I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure everyone else is impressed.
Well, the ones that aren't animals are.
OK, so you had a blast hosting the Dr. Who quiz. What would you call your weirdest hosting experience?
Wow. In 4 years there have been a few.
I've got time.
The first one that stands out is the guy that would ask multiple clarification questions during a round.He would do so by walking up and standing directly in front of me.
Like there's no one else in the bar?
Like it was just me and him. He had been coming for a few weeks and I guess I just made him feel at home. When I politely (at least politely for me) asked him to not do that he got REALLY defensive and demanded an apology. I then demanded that he respect my personal space.
The second one is a story that is still told by my regular quizzers. I was hosting near TCU and had a packed house. I had about 20 teams in a bar with only 19 tables. I had one table in the entire place that wasn't playing the quiz and of course they were front and center. They also decided that they were going to compete with me to see who could be the loudest.
This sounds like a losing battle.
After getting several complaints and asking bar/waitstaff to handle the situation and getting no resolution, I took matters into my own hands. I simply asked the table to keep in down and reminded them that no one wants to be considered the ass hole table in a bar full of people. The response from the drunkest person at the table was to threaten to fight me. Aggressively threaten to fight me. I told her I was done hosting at 10 and she could wait to battle me just like everyone else does. She then waited outside the bar in the parking lot for about 45 minutes. She gave up around 9:45 and headed home.
Probably to go fight a pint of ice cream, if I had to guess.
She looked exactly like Ursula from The Little Mermaid. I assume she was off to steal someone's voice.
I assume you've had your fair share of private events in the last four years. What would your ideal PE be? Dream big.
I waffle back and forth on this. Sometimes I think sports related with old 90's Cowboys players or something for the Mavs. Then I go back to nerdy stuff and think that I'd love to do something at our comic con in Dallas. Maybe cohost something with John Barrowman or the guys from Supernatural.
Can't believe we went this long before you brought up Supernatural.
Is this where I get to give you my Supernatural fan fiction I've been working on?
Spoiler Alert: They all end with me and Dean eating pie.
Spoiler Alert: You can catch Michelle at Zio Carlo Magnolia Brew Pub on Tuesdays in Fort Worth.
I got to sit down with Texas native and Statistics graduate student, Katie Dessi. We discussed her love of video games and my hatred of Tyra Banks.
So, you're in Houston. Are you from Houston?
Nope. I moved here 3 years ago from Dallas. I was born there.
What took you to Houston?
Grad school. Nobody from Dallas voluntarily moves to Houston.
I think that statement stands no matter where you're from.
If you're from El Paso it might seem like a good move.
Yeah, EP is a bigger hole than Houston.
I was in EP once. I ate from the wrong food place and spent 12 hours in the restroom because of it. Never again.
12 Hours in a restroom is a slight step up from 12 hours in EP. What's the graduate degree in?
Statistics! It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. I want to get hired at a non-research university and do consulting for law firms.
Katie Dessi FancyPants.
The exact opposite actually. Because that's a nice work from home gig, which means I don't have to shower or get dressed to make money.
Katie Dessi NoPants
There you go. I'm not wearing any now. Maybe. Only the NSA knows for sure.
I am...only because I came into an office. They are sweatpants though...so there's that.
I don't own a pair of sweatpants.
Well...they are yoga pant type things.
I'm more of a parachute pant sort of person.
Man, I miss my parachute pants.
I like knowing that everyone can hear me no matter how quietly I try to walk.
That's what those sweet 90's track suits are for.
I'm pretty sure my sister had to be surgically removed from hers.
I was once at the video store around Christmas and an entire family walked by wearing those things.
That was every video store around Christmas.
It was a walk by synchronized swooshing. OK....back to important things. How did you find out about GWD?
Jason Warren kept pestering me to come play at West End. AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL the way in downtown. Ugh. I really didn't play too many times before I was hired. It was a bit of a drive from Denton, and I like Jason, but not that much. And I didn't know anyone in Houston to play with when I moved, so I didn't play down here. Jason texted me about applying one day, so I did. I'm pretty sure I was hired because of my hair.
That's not a terrible reason to get a job. It's better than not getting a job because of it.
I'm sure I'll start running into that wall once I graduate. Ha!
Ok, so your fancy hair got you a job. Tell me about your first hosting experience.
I was fortunate enough to start out at Lucky Strike. It's a bowling alley for people who don't have anything better to blow their money on so they pay $50/hr to bowl. (Or something equally insane.) I was in the lounge area. Believe it or not, nobody hangs out in an expensive bowling alley's lounge. So I'm pretty sure the only two teams were my trainer and the bar staff. It was a difficult venue to screw up. I did enjoy hosting there though. I had a wireless mic. So I could get booze AND ask a question.
My dream venue has a wireless mic. I just haven't found it yet.
My dream venue is at a nudist camp...or a strip club. And I'm being 100% serious. The pictures for the blog would be epic. Nothing but teams coming up with clever ways to hide their naughty bits. I'm sort of surprised nobody has tried to justify going to strip clubs on the grounds that they were selling a venue.
Holland and Pio tried that in Oregon. I think they got kicked out of Oregon. Do you have a particular type of round that you enjoy hosting? What are your favorite types of questions?
I like the rounds to the tune of [blank] describes a movie. Mostly because I get to do voices. I suppose I like questions that don't cause people to riot. Ha!
I enjoyed the hulk rounds combined with that online hulk soundboard. That was a good time for my quizzers. Mostly because every noise sounded like Hulk in the middle of an orgasm.
The challenge with that round was lasting all 8 questions. My throat started to waive the white flag around question 6. It became "Hulk Is Miserably Ill and Has Been Netflixing in Bed All Day."
Luckily I sound like the Hulk regularly.
HA! I do not.
Tell me about your quizzes. Do you do anything special that will make me want to attend one?
So there are only two weekly "out of the ordinary" events. The first is a traveling shirt. Each week the winners take a shirt home and mark it up. They get pretty intense about it. One team sends the shirt home with a guy whose wife is a killer embroiderer. There are all these elaborately stitched out scenes. It's spiffy.
The second is 95% of the time the manager picks out a bottle of booze he needs to get rid of and I am charged with giving the entire bottle out via shots. I start with last place at the end of each round and start giving out shots to teams that haven't won a round. "You're already out of the running, might as well get crunk!" Otherwise there are a lot of running gags. This is all at my Tuesday venue. My Monday venue is odd. I host inside and everyone sits outside on the patio. I have schizophrenic moments. Talking to an empty room.
How does that work?
I would assume so.
I like to stare out the window and talk and pretend I can hear the crowd's responses. Slow waves. Both venues are entirely regulars. I like that.
I love that. My regulars are the reason I go back every week. So, hosting for Geeks doesn't pay the bills and neither does being a student. How do you make money to keep those locks of yours died so perfectly?
Lol, actually, being a student does pay the bills. Stipend baby!
Man...I miss those days.
It's a great gig...I managed the Rice grad bar for a year. Volunteer position. I get free beer for life in return. Granted the average beer costs $2, but still.
Are you talking about Valhalla?
Yep! How the fuck do you know about that?
I went down there to audition and I had given up all drinking until I was done with grad school auditions and that was my last one. My friend took me there to celebrate. There are pictures of me dancing with the lawn crew thanks to 50 cent Shiner drafts.
OOoo... that was back in the day. The price went up to 75 cents, and now 95. We replaced Shiner with Ziegenbock.
But you can get bottles for $2.
Do they still not allow tips? Anything you tipped got used to throw a giant party.
We do accept tips. They go towards the bartender ball fund. All bartenders volunteer for 1 hour shifts. The monthly parties are their repayment. This summer we rented out a party barge on Lake Conroe, and invade a BBQ restaurant on the way home. Bring LOTS AND LOTS of beer on the barge.
Sounds like an excellent time.
The summer parties are the best. We do a party barge, we do a float trip, and then one other water related event that changes. I ran a Smash Bro tournament a month ago. We used an auditorium classroom, so the games were played on a giant screen!
I need a job at this place. Well, would you consider yourself more geek or drink?
I looooooooooooove video games. I have 13 systems! I've got an NES, SNES, N64, GameCube, Wii, and og Game Boy. I also have a Sega Genesis (Gen 1) and Dreamcast. I forgot the Nintendo Virtual Boy I've got a Turbo Grafx16, Neo Geo AES, PS2, and XBox 360. I think that's 13.
I want a Sega Genesis so bad.
The Movie Trading Company sometimes has them.
I miss Toe Jam & Earl and Sonic.
OOOO.. I have Toe Jam and Earl! I also have all the Sonic games, even the Knuckles add on thingie. But besides video games I’m probably more drink. That said, I'm a beer and a half drunk.
What are some of your favorite beers?
Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout is my absolute favorite. I'm a fan of dumping beer into whiskey and bourbon barrels. In the summer Harpoon's UFO is great. Oh, and just about anything by Rogue. In particular their Double Chocolate Stout.
Rogue is delicious.
I KNOW! I have a case of Dead Guy that was aged in Dead Guy whiskey barrels.
I just found a bottle of Boulevard chocolate ale that I forgot I bought in my refrigerator. I'm excited about opening it up.
Oooohhhhh. Their Rye on Rye is insanely delicious.
I like a lot of stuff from there.
The chocolate ale was confusing. I was expecting something darker. You know... because chocolate. Aventinus Eisbock is one of my five favorites.
Deschutes is the other brewery that I have never had a bad beer from.
Not a fan of them.
But their beers tend to be too hoppy/bitter for me. Even their stouts are roasty/bitter. I'm a wimp. IBUs over about 30 hurt me.
I'm an IPA lover. I love the hoppy stuff. Chainbreaker or Red Chair is my go to summer beer. I can spend an entire interview talking about beer...Beer and the movie Clue.
You should mix your beer with booze and an egg.
You lost me at egg. Explain.
It’s a stout flip. 2-3 shots of a stout, 1-1.5 shots of blackstrap run, .5 shot of turbinado, 1 egg, shake shake shake, drink. You can make a flip with lots of beers though. Pumpkin beer and SoCo. Heffes and a good gin.
I think you might have just changed my life.
Any hipster bar will have the stuff to make one, but they'll charge too much and they're super easy to make at home.
I don't spend enough time at hipster bars.
The people watching is fantastic, and you can play fun drinking games like, "Take a shot for a waxed stache!" or "Give a shot for an asymmetrical skirt made out of a picnic blanket!"
I host on Tuesdays in a hipstery neighborhood....but I think my quiz scares a lot of them away. I should venture into their natural habitat after a quiz some time.
Bring lots of purell.
So, when you're playing quiz, is there a topic you are particularly good at? What's your pub quiz specialty?
I'm miserable at it. Heh, I do really well with Top 40 music rounds. The second we move to marching band covers all hell breaks loose. Visual rounds are usually a disaster for me. Current events are hit or miss. If there's a lot of celebrity gossip in the round, I tank. Name 8 x in 2.5 minutes never goes well for me. What I'm saying is, I like to play, but I'm really bad at it. Sort of like undergrads and sex. Sandra Lee and cooking.
My favorite teams are the ones that never win and come back week after week. I had a team say to me "We need to joker R2 because it is the round we are best at." They got 9/16.
Ouch. My favorite teams are the ones who give lip.
You like mouthy quizzers?
Yes. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Ha!
Perfect. So, we do a thing called quiz for a cause. Is there a charity out there you'd like to make money for?
Yes. It's the "Katie Dessi Student Loan Repayment Fund.” It's a great cause. They're always taking donations. I hear that if you donate enough money to the cause you get special favors. The charity refuses to publicly announce what those favors are.
I'm sure they are "mouthy" favors.
I heard a rumour that some favors are mouthy, but that those favors are outsourced.
Immigrants...taking all the good jobs.
The same company handles mouth favors that operates the call center. In all seriousness, I dig animal rescue charities. People suck, but cats are cute. I think we've all been classically conditioned to get misty eyed when we hear that damn Sarah McLachlan song. "THE POOR PUPPIES AND KITTIES!!! SAVE THEM ALLL!!!”
I've gotten to host 2 puppy fundraisers. We move the quiz outside and everyone brings dogs.
THEY ARE THE BEST!! I WANT ONE EVERY WEEK!!
Shit! That would be amazing! I can't have pets, so I'll just make my players bring their pets to me.
My dog Chester Copperpot loves the quiz. He has a bow tie for just such occasions.
HAHA! Dogs are nicer about wearing clothing than cats are. I want a giraffe with a top hat. Because they need just a few more inches.
I said that about my last boyfriend.
He was a midget?
He was 2 inches shorter than me.
HAHAHA... I thought you were making a penis joke. And that I was being clever by switching it to height. I zigged when I should have zagged.
It happens. We're clearly no Penn & Teller.
Penn and Teller are great. There was entire season of America's Next Top Model where Tyra kept telling a girl, "You zig when everyone else zags." I'm not sure what she thought she meant.
I fucking hate Tyra Banks.
I love to hate her.
Like, I think the world would be better without her.
The woman is batcrap crazy. She actually did a photoshoot where she changed all the girl's ethnicities by painting their faces different colors.
I used to spend my afternoons watching Maury and her show would come on after.
THAT'S RIGHT! That bitch has a talk show!
Because I'm lazy, I'd watch it.
One time she cried because she wore a fat suit and she felt awkward on the subway.
ROTFLMAO. That's some cutting edge journalism. The frightening thing is she thinks she means well.
Then another time she told a girl that was pregnant and working at the bunny ranch because the father of the baby and her entire family abandoned her. She told the girl she was a disgrace and should be ashamed.
FUCK YOU TYRA BANKS! You just made the pregnant hooker cry.
You've seen the "Tyra Banks is crazy" YouTube videos, right? There needs to be a diva temper tantrum video round. Or audio and make every answer Tyra Banks. Spoiler alert: Tyra does not like it when you quit her show.
I am going to spend my evening watching those videos. So, we like to do private events. If you could host any private event, what would your dream private event be?
That's easy. Henry Cavill taking a shower. I'd totally ask him questions. Ryan Reynolds showering would be another good private event.
He's mediocre in every way but his looks.
If he's showering, that's really all he needs. I'm not asking him to act out Waterworld in the shower. Maybe a scene from Boogie Nights.
LOL...If he's showering WITH Henry Cavill, and they tie, the tie-breaker will be to act out Waterworld.
Perfect! So, you've been around for a little while. What's your advice for quizzers and new quizmasters out there?
My advice for new players? Every player should be able to identify three songs: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Canada; "Pink Houses" by John Middle Name Optional Mellencamp; and "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotee. For new hosts? Don't try to be funny. It's uncomfortable for everyone. Finish in 2 hours. Your first few nights should be hosted mildly buzzed. It helps take the edge off. DON'T SLEEP WITH PLAYERS OR WAITSTAFF! I didn't, but a sub did. Now he refuses to sub for me. Boo.
That sucks and is also great advice. You should probably know that the next time I come to Houston I'm going to show up on your doorstep just to play your Sega. I'll bring a dozen eggs. You're welcome in advance for the eggs.
HAHAHA... That would be weird, but not completely unprecedented.
You can catch Katie at Christian's Tailgate Midtown on Tuesdays, Little J's on Wednesdays and McElroy's on Thursdays. All her quizzes start at 8pm. You should go check them out and make sure you sing Summer of '69 to her. This is my final interview for you guys and the man that was once described as "not being aggressive enough for his face," Jason Guynes, will be taking over. I'm taking this opportunity to go and try all the cool things I've had the chance to learn about from my many Quizmaster interviews. See you bums at Geek Bowl IX!
I got to sit down with one of Tacoma's finest. We talked about bars that host quiz and cage fights (sometimes on the same night). Thankfully, I made it out of the interview alive.
Thanks for taking time to chat with me.
I'm just honored that you are interviewing me before Colin Sheehan.
Awe...did you not read Colin's interview a few months ago?
Hahaha, apparently not. I see his name and keep scrolling.
You have one job. Be more interesting than Colin Sheehan.
I think I can handle that.
Alright. So, first things first. How long have you been with the company?
Going on 3 years.
Now, you are in Tacoma, right?
Fuck yes. I quiz in Gig Harbor though, which is basically Tacoma for rich people.
Ohh...60% more money and 30% fewer stabbings?
I mean, it's Tacoma. You can go to Nigeria and find 30% fewer stabbings.
Good point. So, how did you find out about Geeks Who Drink?
My wife and I strolled into the legendary Paddy Coyne's quiz one Tuesday evening. And I met a man who turned out to be a God.
And that man was?
Holland Fucking Hume.
The man, the myth, the ledgend.
His penis really is that big, ladies and gentleman. I've seen it.
You're not special. Everyone has seen it.
So, you were a quiz player. Were you a winner?
I was...and then I wasn't. Tacoma has stiff competition, and as quiz grew, Holland asked me to be his scorekeeper. Then i went on a little audition with Jon Pio, and all of a sudden, I'm driving 35 miles each way hosting quiz in Renton.
Talk to me about Renton.
Haha. I had a quizzer get mad and punch his girlfriend's mom in the face after quiz. I mean, Jack's was an interesting place. They had a cage in the bar...for fights.
Renton sounds amazing.
I am stronger QM because of my time there, that's for sure.
I have zero doubt about that. So, what do you do besides host a quiz? What's your day job?
I am a CNC Machinist/Programmer.
I don't know what those words mean.
I take raw materials (aka metal) and turn it into usable parts with the help of computer-controlled machines.
Oh man...you're like an alchemist.
Haha, not quite, but I am probably going to be responsible for Skynet. Sorry in advance for that.
I'll remember this. So, if I you had to list the top 3 best things about being a quizmaster what would they be?
First and foremost, being able to fuck with people. I'm kind of an asshole, and putting a Microphone in my hand just makes it worse. It's like how bullies in high school become cops. The second thing would be the worship. I force my quizzers to cheer for me every week, no joke. If I don't hear whistling and clapping, I don't start quizzing.
HAHAHAHAHA!! Awesome! And #3?
Three is just the number of awesome stories I get to tell about quiz. Like the girl who told me she [do things to] me in the bathroom at Jack's if I made sure her team at least came in second place.
SECOND? Awe...that poor girl's dad didn't love her enough.
Yeah. she wasn't even shooting for first. They came in last.
That's your story and you're sticking to it. So, you love hosting the quiz. What are your favorite rounds?
I love Before and After Rounds. Mainly because most quizzers hate them. I love it when the bar is really fucking loud and you ask a ridiculously difficult question, and all of a sudden, it's completely silent.
So, are you more geek or drink?
I have really cut down on the alcohol consumption, but I am a total geek. I can't watch Big Bang Theory because I find myself arguing with my TV about various nerdy things.
I can't watch BBT because I think it is a terrible show.
It certainly is and my parents love it. If I am over there and they are watching it, I have to leave the room. One thing I really hate about it is that none of the women on the show are geeky. Like, even the smart ones don't like Star Trek or even Buffy.
You already know more about it than I do. So, what do you geek out for?
Like I said, my parents love that show. Probably my biggest geek obsession is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm also into most Sci Fi, really, especially Star Trek.
Cool. Old Trek or TNG?
I'm a fan of the Original Series, but TNG is where it's at.
Good answer. So, did you see the TMNT movie?
It could be good. They already have that half mutant Megan Fox in it. Seriously, have you seen her thumbs?
Hold on, let me google it.
Yeah....TOE THUMBS, SON! Aside from hosting a fundraiser to get Ms. Fox a thumb transplant, if you could host a QFAC for any charity, what would you choose and why?
Oh shit, now you are making me think...probably Autism Speaks. I used to be a caregiver for autistic adults and I feel like even today a lot of people are confused as to what autism is. I think awareness is pretty important.
I agree with that. That's a pretty noble cause. Now if you could host any private event what would you choose?
Jason Segel's bachelor party with Seth Rogan and Neil Patrick Harris as groomsman.
Hahaha...why those three guys?
I have been told by more than one person that Seth Rogan and I have the same run, so having an opportunity to have a foot race with somebody who runs just like me would be awesome. Neil Patrick Harris knows magic and shit. Plus he's gay and gay people are cool automatically, and Jason Segel because I feel like he doesn't mind embarrassing himself, which would be necessary.
I'll be sure to send this interview out to all of them.
Sweet! yeah, let's make it happen
How would you say working for geeks has changed your life?
It's more than just changed my life, it's taken it over. I used to hang out with a lot of different people from diverse backgrounds. Now, everyone I hang out with is connected to quiz somehow QMs, quizzers, or bar staff, which is cool, because a lot of my old friends were lame.
Way to upgrade.
Yeah, none of my old friends ever offered to [do things to me] to finish second in anything.
Aside from "perfect your sexual innuendo," if you could give any advice to quizzers or Quizmasters what would it be?
For the quizzers: Listen to the fucking quizmaster. Nothing I hate more than telling a room full of quizzers that you do round 5 in your own time and that it's due with round 4. Only for them to come at me after round 4 with "Oh you want the pictures now, we haven't done that yet." For quizmasters: Don't be lazy. It is easy to get into a routine and "phone in" the quiz. A good QM doesn't allow that to happen.