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British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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11:49 PM, April 20, 2015
Scores
The Piccadilly Twitz 87

The Velvet Merkins 80

58008 68

Team Ass 67

Adverse All-Stars 64

Faggypants & Street Jim 63

Better Late Than Never 49

SLEW 16

Bela Lugosi's Dad


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MONDAY. BRITISH BULLDOG. 8 P.M. TUESDAY. WORLD OF BEER CHERRY CREEK. 7 P.M.
Jason Wardell (Bela Lugosi's Dad)

I am a bipedal male who has lived 29 Earth years, give or take. I have enjoyed a variety of interests, including: watching television, preparing food and drink items for consumption, carpentry. I am not a big fan of baseball. Sorry, baseball.

Last week, I was running this blog thing like I didn’t give a flip, and the truth is I do not typically give a flip. That is, until it knocks on the door of my real life and I have to endure Consequences for my actions. Yes, that’s right everyone, last week I was caught: stealing jokes from my own blog to repeat in person with my human fiancee. TOTES EMBARRASSING. 

I was trotting out the ol’ “chemistry teacher 3.2 beer” whatever when describing a thing, and I got way interrupted with “like in your blog?” Now, I’m not one to object to a person reading my word-things. IN FACT, quite the opposite. I’d rather people read this thing, since I spend so much of my precious brain-time building it. But when it is used as a tool against me… Oh, dear friends, I am still cringing about it. 

Essentially: I want people to know who I am, unless they already know me, in which case I would rather they not know me. Easy enough, right?

Yeah, I’m not buying it either.

So Happy Generic Denver Monday everyone. Same ol’, same ol’. Here are your top teams:

THIRD PLACE: 58008! Next week they say they’re just going to draw boobs and let me figure it out. Sounds like middle school all over again, but I’m into it! SECOND PLACE: The Velvet Merkins, just merkin’ out all over town. Splendid! FIRST PLACE: The Piccadilly Twitz

That’s it. Robyn next week. Yadda yadda. Don’t read this. Bye.

British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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10:22 PM, April 13, 2015
Scores
The Piccadilly Twitz 85

The Velvet Merkins 73

The Twitz! (Shake Fist) 71

Boobs. 66

Hobo Knife Fight 58

Better Off Dread 56

Dora the Self Explorer 54

Last Place 39

Carlee and Ryan 37

Bela Lugosi's Dad


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Quiz Schedule
MONDAY. BRITISH BULLDOG. 8 P.M. TUESDAY. WORLD OF BEER CHERRY CREEK. 7 P.M.
Jason Wardell (Bela Lugosi's Dad)

I am a bipedal male who has lived 29 Earth years, give or take. I have enjoyed a variety of interests, including: watching television, preparing food and drink items for consumption, carpentry. I am not a big fan of baseball. Sorry, baseball.

COOL NIGHT, FRIENDS. And to think it started as a WEIRD NIGHT, FRIENDS. The very first person I saw when entering the British Bulldog was the CEO for my other place of employment. He was leaving, I held the door, and for some reason, we both pretended this was totally cool and a normal thing that could happen.

But then I got over that feeling of “just saw your high school chemistry teacher buying a microwave dinner and a six-pack of 3.2 beer” as we got into the quiz, and boy howdy… It’s a rare night when a new game is invented in the middle of the existing game, but it’s a delight to behold. Tonight, that game was “Name a Fake But Plausible Girl Scout Rank.” Pretty good, right? Here were some of my favorite submissions:

  • Survivors
  • Junior Scouts
  • Blue Bird
  • Tagalongs
  • Vagina Eagles
  • Lynx
  • Flan
  • Tres Leches

“I will have you know that every female astronaut was at one time a Vagina Eagle.” 

Just a super delight.

So your Third Place team tonight were totez referential: The Twitz! (Shake Fist). Second Place went to the Velvet Merkins, cruising through with ease. AND SO THE FIRST PLACE: The Piccadilly Twitz, who are not to be confused with the aforementioned “Twit-Shake” team. And, yes. I know the joke I missed, you sickos.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, PAL-ADINS. We’ll have Robyn and drinks and music and quiz and oh so much more! Come back, won’t you?

British Bulldog
2052 Stout St.
Denver, CO 80205
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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10:39 PM, April 06, 2015
Scores
Minus One Pearson 86

I Fake My Own Rapes! 84

The Velvet Merkins 78

Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint 75

Homeless James Mcavoy 75

58008 72

The Periodic Table Dancers 66

JewJew 32

Bela Lugosi's Dad


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Quiz Schedule
MONDAY. BRITISH BULLDOG. 8 P.M. TUESDAY. WORLD OF BEER CHERRY CREEK. 7 P.M.
Jason Wardell (Bela Lugosi's Dad)

I am a bipedal male who has lived 29 Earth years, give or take. I have enjoyed a variety of interests, including: watching television, preparing food and drink items for consumption, carpentry. I am not a big fan of baseball. Sorry, baseball.

Cutthroat end to tonight’s quiz, everybody. After eight rounds, there wasn’t a huge margin between the winners and the non-winners. That’s especially rare in a night boasting three 16-point rounds, but everyone kinda blew it for R3. That’s so Raven of you.

So I don’t know what you do during your work day, but in my job (at that Matt Damon movie, but without all the “hunting”) I’ve taken to collecting customer service complaint e-mails and adding line breaks. This leads to something resembling found poetry, in a format I’ve taken to calling “Good William Carlos Williams” because I think I’m trying to get fired but I also need people to know I have a liberal arts degree. May I? 

Ahem. 

Prices start way too high
and are too high
shipping is outrageous
no paypal offered.

I appreciate the implied finger-snaps. This has become most of what I do during the day. Here’s another of my favorites: 

I bought an HD DVD
and it will not play
on my Blu Ray player.
DVDs appear
to be in good condition.

Thank you, thank you. I know there’s a stereotype about the employees of my employer, but our customers make us look like Rhodes scholars. One more to round out the blog. Rule of threes and all that. 

Not getting paid
mentally not able
sorry.

Thank you for indulging my “work.” This whole project started as a mean-spirited way to joke about strangers begging for payment extensions on a $9.99 set of golf clubs, but it’s turned into a kind of meditation on expectations, instant gratification and the very nature of “good will.” Dig it. 

OK so anyway. Third place tonight went to the ever-fighting Velvet Merkins, who also walked with a SUPER AWESOME pack of cards, the contents of which are still a mystery! Second place went to I Fake My Own Rapes! who explained to me that the exclamation point should be sufficient to display the intended irony. More like an explanation point. That means your first place team was Minus One Pearson, narrowly eking out that win minus the aforementioned. 

Next week I’ll be in full Ren-faire regalia, I’ll recite the quiz in iambic pentameter and we’ll find a way to fit Robyn into things. So come back, and probably don’t tell my bosses how I’m spending my days. Much appreciated!

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